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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To BF one baby longer than the other

53 replies

choosekindnessalways · 13/03/2023 18:58

I bf my first for 4 months and Im now pregnant with another baby. All being well, I'd like to go on longer than 4 months but I kinda feel bad that I'm not giving them equal starts.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Shinytaps · 13/03/2023 19:59

Honestly please don't worry. I BF mine for all different lengths as I was led by then wanting to stop. Just do what works for you and baby this time around.

notthisagainforest · 13/03/2023 20:26

Thoughts. It makes no difference anyway

SillySausage81 · 13/03/2023 20:29

Whatever you do, your second child will have different experiences than your first because the circumstances of your life and everything around them will have changed so there is no way to treat them equally. I don’t think it would be fair to bf the second one less time just because you couldn’t for whatever reason bf the other one longer.

BoldandBright · 13/03/2023 20:31

I breastfed my first for barely 24h, I breastfed my second for around 8 days. I’m pregnant with my third and plan to try breastfeeding again, I’ve always tried my best with all of them with what knowledge I had/what the situation was at the time. All you can do is the best you can.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 13/03/2023 20:32

My mum did. My brother needed it for longer. Can’t see issue with that

gemloving · 13/03/2023 20:32

Breastfed forts for 15 months, second for 3. I felt guilty then, now I couldn't care less. Both are healthy and thriving xxx

Isthisexpected · 13/03/2023 20:37

lactationnetwork.com/blog/the-benefits-of-breastfeeding-a-timeline-for-the-ages/

Definitely carry on as long as it works for you and baby.

elizzza · 13/03/2023 20:37

There’s no way to give your children exactly equal starts. The first one gets your undivided attention for however long it’s an only. The second one gets the benefit of everything you learned with the first one, and usually gets a more confident parent. You’ve just got to do what works for your family as each stage passes. I promise you, they’re never going to ask how long you breastfed them for. And however hard you try to make things equal, when they’re teenagers they’ll find something to feel aggrieved about!

bluechameleon · 13/03/2023 20:38

I breastfed one for a few days and one for over 4 years. They've both turned out fine.

Anotheroverreaction · 13/03/2023 20:39

Not at all - we each do our best for each of our children whatever our best is at that time. Good luck with breastfeeding number 2, I found it so much easier second time around!

DramaAlpaca · 13/03/2023 20:41

I bf my first two for 9 months and 8 months, which was perfect for me as I didn't want to go on longer. I could only manage 4 months with my third, half of which was combination feeding as he just wasn't gaining weight. I did the best I could and that's all you can do really.

Maraschina · 13/03/2023 20:41

This is a non issue and I wouldn't waste time reflecting on this. Almost all parenting of multiple children will be different, in every single aspect.

NY152 · 13/03/2023 20:43

I think you just do what feels right at the time. I even breastfed my twins for different lengths of time it was just what worked for us…99% sure this won’t be one of the things they fight about!

Phoebo · 13/03/2023 20:45

This makes no sense. So you want to give your second an equally less start because this is what you did for your first? It doesn't matter, just BF your second longer if that's what you want

BigMadAdrian · 13/03/2023 20:47

I have 3dc and each subsequent dc was fed for longer than the preceding one! DC1 got 7 months, DC2 got 17 months and DC3 22 months - I occasionally feel slightly guilty about DC1, but he pretty much stopped by himself and I need to remember that!

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 13/03/2023 20:50

I breastfed my second for longer (18m vs 8m). Just circumstances, ease, second would never ever take a bottle and was more often poorly (bugs brought home by DC1).

You can’t plan these things though. When I gave birth to DC2 the midwife asked if I wanted a hand positioning him, and I said i was fine as it was only a year since I was breastfeeding DC1. And she said - you’ve done it before but he hasn’t. Very good point!

Wavesandsand · 13/03/2023 20:52

You can never treat two children exactly the same. They will always have different experiences. The only thing you can do is say that you always did what was best for them at that time.

Second borns get less time but more experienced parents. Feed your baby for as long as you want.

Also, since it can be difficult to fall pregnant whilst breastfeeding it's very common for last/subsequent children to be breastfed for longer than the first.

snowbellsxox · 13/03/2023 20:54

Eldest 4 months had feeding issues, youngest 17 months and still going ..
I don't feel guilty as such, I tried my best with my first out myself through a lot of pain
Actually easier feeding second so could say i actually put 'more effort' into breastfeeding first as it was harder

OneCup · 13/03/2023 20:56

I'd say do your best for each child bearing in mind each time best may look different depending on the circumstances. That's absolutely fine! You may manage to breastfeed for four years, or for four hours. It won't make you less of a mother.

SillySausage81 · 13/03/2023 21:07

We do our best for each child given the circumstances and knowledge we have at the time. Those will always differ from one child to the next. It's unavoidable. Being able to do better with child 2 doesnt mean you were a bad parent to child 1 - you did your best within the circs you had.

PolkaDotMankini · 13/03/2023 21:14

It's fine. They're individuals with different needs and personalities. You'll be a different person when this LO is born than when you had your first. You might end up FF sooner, or later, or not at all. As long as they're fed, you're doing a good job and they're getting what they need.

Cinderellaspumpkin · 13/03/2023 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How vile. My baby was only breastfed for four weeks, do you think she was short-changed as well ?

StrawberryPavlova · 13/03/2023 21:34

I fed my first for about 10 months and my second is just self-weaning now at 3 years 5 months. I didn't set out to feed her for this long but the months just ticked by and here we are. Both are happy and thriving so I can't feel guilty about my choices at all.

Original poster
choosekindnessalways · 14/03/2023 08:17

@Cinderellaspumpkin I agree. And absolutely no, none of our babies have been "shortchanged". We are all just doing our best 💗

OP posts:
MigratorySheep · 14/03/2023 08:25

As long as you're feeding them, does it really matter?

I bf DC1 until 10 months and then had to have an operation and some pretty strong meds. Although they said I could continue bf, DH and I decided we didn't want to risk it. I bf DC2 until 23 months, not really my choice - DC refused bottles and cups and to drink/eat dairy products so guilted me into it!

The only time I ever think about it is when I see threads on here. By the time they're about 3 or 4 it's a total non issue anyway. No one in real life has ever asked how my DC were fed as babies.