To be sick of being skint?

[SnappyTheCrocodile]

DH and I make fairly decent money. Nothing to write home about but we’re not on the breadline either. We bring in about £65000pa pre-tax (I work pt, DH runs a business). I drive a 13 year old hatchback on its last legs. DH has a work van that is similarly iffy. We have a lovely but very tiny house with a mortgage just over £1000pm. Two DCs in nursery (eldest gets 30 hours funding so doesn’t cost too much). We have pets that don’t cost a great deal. We have potentially expensive hobbies but do them ‘on the cheap’ (DH’s business is in a related area so this helps). We don’t have massive debts - a couple of thousand in overdrafts/credit cards.

Why do we struggle so much?! I don’t get paid for ten days and I’m counting change to buy sugar!

We don’t have masses of subscription services (no Netflix, or Disney, or Spotify anymore), we don’t eat out, we don’t buy clothes or anything. I don’t understand what we are doing wrong.

You need to write everything down

65k so I would guess that's around 3.5 k a month? Or more depending how it's split

1k on rent
How much on childcare ?

Now list everything else

Every bill, take away coffee , haircut, home insurance, everything - can you do it over a year based on your electronic record

My initial thoughts are the mortgage and whatever you pay for childcare.

I'm on a fair bit less than you, as a single parent, and I'm having to watch money. I'm stressed to fuck about it. I'm so glad my mortgage is less than £500 a month or I'd be really, really struggling. I earn just enough to get no help (except some child benefit).

I completely understand this. We're a 2 salary household making the same and it's a struggle.

you are not really skint though
it is subjective

stop your hobbies
eat cheaper

We’re in a similar position, we managed fine before COVID, have both got new jobs so an extra £8k a year minimum is coming in, but the increase in the mortgage, food, fuel etc is just killing us. We’ve scrapped takeaways, try to do one cheapish date night a month instead or cook something nice at home. Health and beauty bits are at a minimum along with clothes but there’s not much spare cash. I have no advice I’m sorry, but you’re not alone, life’s just gotten out of hand expensive. Holding out hope things start improving soon

I'm on a lot less than you but don't have children and my mortgage is a lot less too. Used to feel I was managing OK but everything is going up and it all adds up - my phone contract just went up by £8 and while that's not much, it's yet another thing to pay. Gas/electricity have of course gone up, council tax, food... It's frustrating because I feel like my money just goes to huge companies now, the things I cut out were supporting small independents. I've never heard of so many small businesses closing down as I have this past year. 😔

Anyway, I recommend going through your bank statements and writing down everything so you see exactly where your money goes.

Sounds like the debt to me. Are you in London/SE? That mortgage seems high to me, can you downsize?

And are you actively clearing your debts? Can you get a 0% balance transfer for the credit cards and be paying it off without accruing more debt?

Can you increase your hours?

We are in similar situation OP. It does get a bit better when they start school as nursery fees are a huge drain but it's still surprising how much the wrap around childcare at school adds up for two DC. It really is the increase in cost of living that is taking its toll. I can only assume that people that don't think it's an issue are just comfortable enough to absorb it. And the whole "you just need to budget more and spend less" brigade can do one! We have always been careful with money. It's just now the cost of living has become completely disproportionate to most average incomes.

Like you, we aren't extravagant. No subscriptions, no fancy cars, holidays, expensive clothes, days out etc, etc. Yet we are only just getting by when not so long ago we used to have a reasonable amount left over each month for a rainy day. It's pretty demoralising.

You seem to have some sort of discrepancy between money coming in and out. Have you tried using the Citizen's Advice budgeting thing?

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/budgeting/budgeting/work-out-your-budget/budgeting-tool/

You have similar budget to us, albeit our childcare is less (two with in breakfast/after school club and £900 a year for a school bus for the other) but our house is a large 4 bed detached so our energy/CT bills are high!

We have Netflix, but no big mobile phone bills as we both have older phones and £7 a month sim only deals.

We both drive older cars

The clothes we buy mostly off eBay or charity shops as I hate disposable fashion.

Meals are nearly all cooked from scratch, so the food bill for 5 of us is about £80 a week.

This leaves us with plenty of spare money for trips out, surprise vet bills, school trips etc...

You need to do the above, then put together a spreadsheet showing all the in goings and outgoings to find out where the money is going!!

Often its the little things you don't think about. Everyone is aware of their weekly shop, but then people pop in to buy milk or bread and invariably buy something extra without giving it any thought. That mounts up if you do it a few times a week. Lunch at work, coffee at work, bottles of water, all adds up. Its quite easy to spend £50 a week without it really registering as its only a couple of pound at a time.

YANBU. I find it’s the nursery fees that are the killer. I find myself wishing the kids into full time school so we no longer have fees and then Feel awful as it’s wishing time away with them but I think sometimes it gets you that way!

The information in your OP doesn't tie up with running out of money mid month, so my guess would be that you're not accounting for all your annual/irregular essentials (how do you pay for things like Christmas, insurance, car repairs/servicing/MOT etc, white goods replacement, dentist/opticians/hair cuts etc etc) or you spend more than you think on non essentials like lunches, beauty treatments, days out.

It's all very well people saying how shit it is and blaming the government, but for middle income people who have enough money on paper, you can make a huge difference to how far your money goes by managing it well and making the effort to cut costs where possible.

You need to have a thorough review of your budget and spending to see where your money is going and identify areas where you can cut back - TV, mobiles, broadband are places where you can often get a deal. Also for the credit cards (and any overdrafts) can you switch to a 0% deal so you don't pay any interest while you pay it off).

Have a look at:

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

We were in a not dissimilar place, once childcare goes it's a lot better, but it's such a pity to just exist through such an important part of your kids life.

I recommend snoop app, it's free and categorises what you spend, we once saw what we were spending on eating out and saved a lot immediately.

I think you need a bdget I'm sure you have all the big things accounted for mortgage utilities food childcare any regualr monthly thing
but it's the additional yearly or could reasonably be expected expenses that sometimes forget to be budgeted for
Christmas birthdays, MOT car servicing, oil changes, new tyres and or brake pads/ discs ( in reality these are not emergencies but things that we know will need doing so need to be budgeted for) household maintenance, annual fees, eye tests dentistry medication, eating out even coffee! replacement tech or appliances like toasters vacuum and your hobbies
do you underestimate how much food shopping is as you only count the big shop not top ups , is how much you allow for car fuel and heating realistic
it is easy to just buy a £3 coffee, a £5 lipstick a £2 icecream and £5 t shirt in charity shop and before you know it is £25 a week another £100 a month
it is only when you and your DH write down absolutely everything you buy that you will know where your money goes because as you say on paper you should not be skint not rolling in it but not worrying how to buy bread and milk

Posts like this make me really sad.

Of course I can blame the government. And whilst I could cut back on some things, that too has a huge knock on effect. If all of us "with enough money on paper" cut back on every 'treat' or non-essential, what happens to all those businesses and the people working for them?

It's miserable working 40 hours a week in a career you've spent years building to have nothing to enjoy after you've paid your bills.

@PositiveLife I agree it is not fun working and having no money left over for fun, however it is not worth going into debt to pay for the fun you used to have,
the economy has always gone in cycles and it will improve but I think it will take a few years

I don't know if combing through every detail of your finances will be much of a revelation. Basically, a nice lifestyle costs a vast amount nowadays. Our pre-tax income is the same as yours OP. While on paper that's loads, and I could never claim to be struggling, it's not enough to "have it all" for four people.

We manage by having a cheap mortgage on a very small, tired house that a lot of MNers would turn their noses up at. Old cars as well - H's is 8years old, mine is 17 - but we're not car people so that doesn't bother me.

These compromises pay for our DC to do a really, really expensive hobby and have a cheapish holiday. Other people might make different choices, but my point is that's a salary level where choices have to be made.

How much is your childcare bill? You said you have two DC in nursery but only the eldest gets free hours? Are they in nursery full time.

Honestly I am not surprised you're skint. 65k might seem like a lot but it's not really. I think your mortgage is highish. Running two cars with tax, insurance, petrol adds up . Utility bills. Food. Life is really expensive.

Wages in this country are an absolute disgrace. Hope things improve for you soon.

But I', not talking about 'cutting back on treats' or 'having nothing to enjoy', far from it.

The OP mentions credit card debt and an overdraft. If she's paying interest on it, she could be paying tens of pounds a month needlessly which can be saved by transferring to a 0% deal.

There are people who buy the same things from the same supermarket every week without considering a different supermarket or buying only when on offer. Why buy one tin of soup every week when you could buy a 4 pack every month and save a good percentage? Expand that to all your groceries and you can easily save 20/30% without changing what you buy.

A lot of people pay £40+ pm for their mobile phone, get a new one every 2 years and leave the old one in a drawer. So why not go SIM only, keep your old phone, and save at least half the cost?

Likewise insurance, broadband, TV etc. If you never shop around you're likely to be paying 50/100%+ more than you need to.

Doing all that can free up a significant sum each month, to give you more money to spend on treats, or free up money to save for bigger purchases or for an emergency fund so you can pay things like insurance in one go, or get the car repaired without worrying about it and has little or no effect on what essentials you have, only reduces what you pay for them.

65k joint fund become is not huge for living in an expensive area. Your mortgage is big for a tiny house (so I’ve assumed expensive area), and your childcare costs are high. You’ll be better off once your second DC gets the free hours, but if you want more money before then have you considered going full time?

whatever your earnings you either need to earn more or spend less.

I think its probably childcare. Will make a huge difference when not paying this. If you work say 3 days and pay £45 a day for nursery then that's over £500 a month right there.

Mortgage 1000, nursery 1000, household bills at least 600, that leaves you with what, about 1000? Car insurance, pet insurance, fuel, phones, food, nappies, dentist, hobbies + servicing your debt. Of course you're skint.