To be sick of being skint?

[SnappyTheCrocodile]

DH and I make fairly decent money. Nothing to write home about but we’re not on the breadline either. We bring in about £65000pa pre-tax (I work pt, DH runs a business). I drive a 13 year old hatchback on its last legs. DH has a work van that is similarly iffy. We have a lovely but very tiny house with a mortgage just over £1000pm. Two DCs in nursery (eldest gets 30 hours funding so doesn’t cost too much). We have pets that don’t cost a great deal. We have potentially expensive hobbies but do them ‘on the cheap’ (DH’s business is in a related area so this helps). We don’t have massive debts - a couple of thousand in overdrafts/credit cards.

Why do we struggle so much?! I don’t get paid for ten days and I’m counting change to buy sugar!

We don’t have masses of subscription services (no Netflix, or Disney, or Spotify anymore), we don’t eat out, we don’t buy clothes or anything. I don’t understand what we are doing wrong.

Do a spreadsheet and write down everything you spend for a couple of months.

It's surprising how money leaks away. Then check where it is going.

£65Kp per anum pre tax
So how much is it after tax & pensions?

You reckon taking home £65000 is "nothing to write home about"?

My husband and I are existing on £1060 a month (I'm registered disabled, he's on sick leave from work).

My husband and I are existing on £1060 a month (I'm registered disabled, he's on sick leave from work)

The ops mortgage is £1000 a month. That would be your entire income.

It's all relative. I know a couple who earn combined £115k. Sounds a lot but their mortgage and childcare bill comes to £5k a month. They actually aren't at all well off and don't have a huge amount left after bills. If you earned £115k a year with a low mortgage and no childcare bills, you'd be rolling in it.

They are well off if they can afford the mortgage and childcare

The way they choose to spend their money means they have less free cash

OK? Why do people do this on MN. Your situation is totally different to the OP!!

That's not how anyone describes being well off. Childcare isn't a choice if you cannot work without it. Mortgage and rent isn't a choice either.... unless you have chosen an unnecessarily large or lavish home.

£5k of mortgage and childcare absolutely is a choice.

Most people won't be spending anywhere near that amount and will have made lifestyle choices/compromises (smaller homes in cheaper areas, fewer children, getting into debt, working around each other to reduce the amount of paid childcare needed etc) to avoid it because they know they will never be able to afford it.

Just because your disposable income is reduced due to spending all your money on the expensive versions of essential living costs doesn't mean you aren't a lot more well off than most people.

why shouldn't two adults on reasonable money be able to afford hobbies?

Its your choices that have led to this situation though

Nursery in my unfashionable part of suburban London is about £90 a day. Childminders may be slightly cheaper but not by much. It's not like food shopping where you can shop around...that's just how much it costs.

But regardless my point was that depending on your housing costs and essential bills, people on high salaries may actually have less disposable than those on less money.

So the family I know whose income is £115 k a year are actually worse off than us even though we are on just over £80k a year... because our mortgage is £500 a month and theirs is £2k a month. They haven't chosen a much nicer or larger home than us, they just had a smaller deposit.

I would consider myself well off now I'm almost retirement age. A lot of the reason we ARE well off is down to the fact we grew up in an era where you had to do car maintenance, decorate, do your own plumbing, rod the drains, clean the windows, jet wash the patio, dig your own garden, mow your own lawn, even wash your own car. I see my hard up neighbours all spend out on others to do stuff we learned to do as kids.

But back in the days of interest rates over 15% and rampant inflation. I had a large mortgage that had doubled, so my salary just couldn't pay it - so for months I worked 3 or 4 jobs just to stay afloat. Every penny was accounted for, I had no hobbies only working, luckily no kids so I could work, and no car but a motorcycle (cheaper to run), no pets, no subscriptions (they were not a thing in those days, nor was eating out other than very special occasions).

What actually changed my life was blagging my way into a better paid job in sales - same sort of take home, but a car and fuel paid for, and the opportunity for unlimited commission. It lead to a great career. I ruined that though by having kids! Once they're self sufficient & earning it increases your available cash, especially if they contribute to or cover their household expenses.

It's all relative, all temporary - once your nursery fees are gone you'll have a lot more disposable income. The important thing is to ensure you can survive this temporary situation, and to look for opportunities for promotion/other better paid job/one that will fit better round the kids at school minimising the need for childcare - my friend for example now works from home mostly and is able to do 'lunchbreak' to get the (late primary) kids from school, which has cut the need for childcare after and increased her hours slightly term time to take more time school hols (a lovely employer) = more pay less expense.

housing and childcare costs are a choice within limits obviously you can't choose £0 but even at £90 a day 5 days a week that still leaves over £3000 a month as mortgage which suggest borrowing over 25 years of £630,000 plus even a 5% deposit means an almost 700k house which in certain areas of london maybe a relatively modest house but you can get a decent house for less within commuting distance so it is a choice

Disposable income is the term used for income after certain taxes ie income tax council tax etc , the income after housing food and utilities is called discretionary income; which I agree will be less for someone who has chosen more expensive housing transport schooling etc but having less discretionary does not make them less well off on the stated salary. 115K is a good salary less than 5% of population make more than 100k they have just chosen higher commited costs they have the freedom to lower these costs it is not the same as someone who is living in the smallest flat possible in the cheapest area who just could not cut costs if they tried. high childcare costs are for a limited period before you get free hours and then just need pre-after school care.

I live month to month and have been skint most of my adult life.

Not too long ago a work acquaintance mentioned that she had just bought a new car, just like that, because she liked it. Her current car was like 2 years old. I can't even imagine what that must be like, I am green with envy.

Loving the OP’s updates.

Organisation op.

Start by totting up all essentials. Eg food, petrol as well as bills.

Once you have that, what's left.

Divide it all up and take cash out for each month.
Put money into different areas for different things eg have one fund going for holidays, savings, birthday, Christmas and add incrementally each week.

It maybe 5 in each pot per month.

Then once all that is totted up plus bills what is left for hobbies and weekend stuff social stuff.

That's your budget.

• each month sorry

Do you earn enough to pay income tax? If you don't then look at Married Tax allowance.
Are you on a water meter? They are generally cheaper, even for a family. Look at water saving devices if you're already on one and install them.
Pay your council tax over 12 months. You'll still pay the same grand total but less per month than paying over 10 months. (I always found those 2 payment free months made me think that they were "free" months).
Put a date in your diary to review car and home insurance about a month before they are due, then shop around.
Budget in January for Christmas. Luckily your children are small enough that they don't need a fortune spent on them.

I don’t know if I’m classed as judgemental, I asked about her attitude to saving. For what it’s worth we’re on less, have some childcare, mortgage went up last year, bills obviously more. What one person thinks is barely getting by, another would think is enough.

OP mentioned hobbies and pets. Unfortunately everything adds up. It is rubbish though.