Is boys football unnecessarily competetive?

[recreationalforall]

My 2 boys 9&7 love football. Playing, watching, talking. They have been part of a club that started out very community based but subsequently the person who set it up has now made it his living.
They are average players, not bad at all but not noticeably brilliant.
There are some players who are better and the club has created like an additional elite squad from the age range who play up an age as well as their usual team and this then trickles into the usual teams because it's his income they accept any new joiners and thus there are a fair few subs each game competing for match time.
It's all just so competetive and serious and not what i signed up for, i've spoken to the manager and explained the atmosphere i think is being created, but he's not interested he wants to join the JPL next year and become an established team with their own grounds etc, and i'm conscious of being 'that mum'.
There are obviously a lot of 9 year olds who want to play football in the area and all teams are full otherwise i would move. Stopping isn't an option because the boys love it.
IABU - it's not that intense just ignore it
IANBU - kids football is too competetive

It's all just so competetive and serious and not what i signed up for

That doesn’t mean it’s not what others signed up for.
It’s not fair for you to push to make it less serious and less competitive just because your sons aren’t that engaged with it.
Plenty of children take it seriously and want to push themselves athletically.

not really the point but how do they make a living from it ? Aren’t they meant to be volunteers ? Interested btw now doubting you

subs for my ds team is 20 pound a month and there is a squad of around 15 🤔

NOT* doubting you

The point is this particular club is competitive. You disliking this is not going to change it. You have a choice as do the other families - walk away and find something else or stay and play. If enough people walk, he might reconsider the ethos but I think it is unlikely. Most football teams are competitive. As kids get older, this is typical. You could I suppose set up your own non competitive game on a Sunday morning if you want to run one.

YANBU. We avoid it for this reason. DS does school footie and the odd school tournament but some of the other parents/coaches we see there are totally mental. Screaming at 7 year old, controlling every move and kick by yelling from the sidelines. I’d avoid the weekend and holiday clubs like the plague. No fun, all toxic machismo.

It may not be what you had in mind OP, but most football clubs are like this IME.

It sounds really competitive, though he might lose some players to acadamies. I wouldn't be keen if my son was in a club like this but if the others nearby are full, you're a bit stuck.

They are fully engaged, they love it - but they aren't as good as others. They've been part of the same team since they were 4, they're solid players who are being made to feel a bit crap every single week because they don't want it to be their be all and end all. I think that's a shame, why is it that my ds's enjoyment, exercise and decent effort at a game not as important as those who take it super seriously? Is this the decision then, take it super seriously or sod off?

They don't have to be volunteers @Changemaname1 - many youth football clubs have volunteers running the teams but some paid roles as well (the people running the club).

I would find another club if you're not happy with it, some are very competitive and others are much more gentle.

There's id say 150-200 players paying £35pcm across all age ranges. The majority being coached by volunteer dads who buy their own training kit and do the training session and oversee matches. There will certainly be venue fees and insurance. Then some pay extra for additional sessions on a Saturday night. They also do other stuff in schools and have started to do after school football clubs. I don't knock it as a business venture, I just wouldn't have signed up to a team where there was someone who had to profit which isn't their fault. But as a previous poster said i'm stuck.

Some of the mums and dads love basking in the reflected glory of their superstar kids. If it's making them miserable look for other clubs at the end of the season. Unfortunately some kids will be better than others and as they get older this tends to differentiate where they play and how they are treated as sadly

I advise you to look for a bigger club that has several teams at each age group OP. That way, the less competitive kids can be in a lower team which may suit them better.

I heard the women's football team discussing this in a radio interview, or was quite interesting. They said it gets too competitive too young, which excludes kids joining slightly older as they can't keep up, excludes those wanting a kick about which is valuable for fitness at any age, so a good habit to keep for life, stops girls joining in, dominates the playground in quite an aggressive way which stops anyone doing anyone else. Sounds like lots of issues!

I'm in a similar situation - my DS is 8 and he likes playing football (and talking football) but isn't especially good. Up until now this hasn't been a problem, but at this age the game becomes very competitive and the stronger players are visibly better and dominating the play.

I work and can't bring DS to extra practice or weekday evening matches, so even if he were a better player he wouldn't be able to keep up. I wish I could find a club for kids who are not hoping to be selected for Arsenal, will probably grow up to be dentists, and just enjoy playing for fun and exercise. But I suspect there isn't any profit in that!

Most parents just want their kids to be put with their peers and getting some exercise. They aren't expecting the next Ronaldo, so all this pushing kids is all to make the coach feel important

It has great facilities and just grows within each age range as there is huge demand locally. So we can't go elsewhere because the other teams say "sorry we're full" whereas the current team say sure join in we will find a spot. I think there's 4 teams in my 9 year olds age range and 3 currently in my 7 year olds.
They do share the match time equally between those who are there.

They're not all like that. I have 2 boys and for many years our lives revolved around football! Now my eldest works as a referee.

We were always selective about the teams they played in and moved them if it no longer felt right. We were in a similar situation to you and just found a different club that better suited our idea of what it should be about.

This exactly. I think if my 9 year old went to all the coaching he could comfortably keep up. But as a secondary school teacher with 15 years served i've seen enough boys experience heartbreak to not even be interested at a sniff of academy.

I’ve got the opposite issue . My son was one of the good ones but we have to take him out as he was too competitive and not being nice to those who maybe didn’t play as good . It’s hard to balance the super competitive boys to the ones that just life to play . He just couldn’t do it for fun as such it just got all too much 🙈🙈 equally as stressful .

Why don’t you volunteer to run a ‘for fun’ team at one of the local clubs?

My husband coaches two teams voluntarily. I’ve never heard so much bloody moaning from the parents. The same people who won’t so much as help put the bloody goals away at the end of the game. Pretty much everyone in youth football is a volunteer. If you don’t like the way they do it, that’s fine. Volunteer yourself and start a team you do like the look of.

A new footie club is going to open in the local village, I enquired and got told the 6-7 age group would be training twice a week for 3 hours each and matches both days at weekends! It’s mad. What child (what parent) would want to commit that much time? Why can’t it just be an hour a week like every other kids club, because that’s all it is - not a golden ticket to being a professional footballer!

To be fair most clubs are quite competitive. My DS is at Uni now and plays more casually but he was very good at one stage and he got a lot of game time compared to many others. I guess just the nature of it but some kids travelled all over for hardly any game time. DS loved it though but eventually he stopped and just played 5 a side until Uni

Most parents just want their kids to be put with their peers and getting some exercise. They aren't expecting the next Ronaldo, so all this pushing kids is all to make the coach feel important

I actually don't think that's true - the competitive clubs are not only attractive to a certain type of driven parent who wants to see their child succeed, but also to kids who are good and love football and want to excell at it. They know which clubs and teams are strong, and they would always choose those over a friendly but uncompetitive club.

My dh is one of the twice weekly volunteers.

Because they're so full they're not at all short of help, in particular lots of dads of the boys want to get stuck in. They doesn't change the ethos and drive of the organisation as a whole.