Is boys football unnecessarily competetive?

[recreationalforall]

My 2 boys 9&7 love football. Playing, watching, talking. They have been part of a club that started out very community based but subsequently the person who set it up has now made it his living.
They are average players, not bad at all but not noticeably brilliant.
There are some players who are better and the club has created like an additional elite squad from the age range who play up an age as well as their usual team and this then trickles into the usual teams because it's his income they accept any new joiners and thus there are a fair few subs each game competing for match time.
It's all just so competetive and serious and not what i signed up for, i've spoken to the manager and explained the atmosphere i think is being created, but he's not interested he wants to join the JPL next year and become an established team with their own grounds etc, and i'm conscious of being 'that mum'.
There are obviously a lot of 9 year olds who want to play football in the area and all teams are full otherwise i would move. Stopping isn't an option because the boys love it.
IABU - it's not that intense just ignore it
IANBU - kids football is too competetive

I guess it just is as it is, football is competitive it's not for exercise, enjoyment, team building, friendship or fun. But winning and competing and succeeding. I think that's a shame, and I wasn't prepared for it at such a young age that is my naivety.
I will look into other clubs but just from the fact so many come to ours as others are full im not optimistic.

Absolutely this! My DH runs a team too and the amount of moaning from parents who wouldn't consider putting themselves out at all is ridiculous.

I would say that's true post 13, 7-9 years olds haven't a clue, there is no league - there is no recording of scores. Parents seek it out

Ahh I see thankyou I honestly didn’t realise that was a thing !

Wow ok that’s a decent amount of money then ! Just not something Iv ever seen round here so wasn’t aware it could be run for profit like that thankyou for your explanation

i can see why it’s more competitive then but yes don’t think I’d like that for my ds either

I would presume athletics or individual sports would be more non competitive

Sure I don't get football really but the point is winning really

I have an 11 year old who has been playing since he was 3 - I have seen it all - and YES it is insane the pressure put on kids to 'win' or 'be good' - there is a total loss of appreciation for childhood, for play, for fun - for developing kids skills in a way that is about the child.

It is not child focused - too many coaches obsessed with getting a team of 7/ 8 year olds to 'win' - I have seen coaches scream at kids and make them cry -

My husband is a referee at kids games - he gets abuse off kids and parents - and coaches! you would not believe it

We - me / dh - and most parents we know - hate this shit - but the coaches are just totally obsessed with winning and getting the 'best' kids

So so many things wrong with kids football - children made to be 'substitutes' - whY??? Just have enough kids to enjoy a game - I've seen in recent weeks alone - mums crying cos their child is left sitting on the bench at age 8 - not what a child needs - dont take on so many kids you have to leave them on a bench

So much wrong with it all - it should be about childhood/ play and fun at least until 11 or 12

And no it does not have to be about winning at all. Children could - in a different approach - enjoy playing! They could enjoy a match and if it got unbalanced - ie. one team winning - you could do something like take a player off the winning team.

The FA guidelines state very clearly that under 11 football should be about play and enjoyment. There is no reason children cant enjoy a game whatever the outcome - its only because coaches tell them winning matters above and beyond

Some very sad things Ive seen include - my own childs team losing 15 - 0 at about 7 years old - the kids were crushed. the FA rules actually say this should not be allowed to happen - there are lots of ways you can stop it -

Ive seen my own sons team beat another by about 15 goals - again, seeing kids in tears and crushed

what is the benefit? The chldren should be coming out to have a good day and enjoy playingl.

As a non-Brit living here, this has always surprised me about British sports. They are so competitive so very early on, and people don't seem to understand that recreation brought about by doing sport has value in itself. This is astonishing in a country where youth and adult obesity is such a big problem.

DH is a coach (volunteer) for DD's team. She is 9. The complete ethos at their stage is that it is not competitive. There is a league but no track is kept of wins or losses.
It's difficult as a lot of parents are competitive but, especially for girls who are often starting from scratch at 7, the aim is for them to enjoy it and not give it up when they get to high school.

Honestly OP kids football is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Eldest played from 7 and is still playing at uni. It’s competitive to the extreme for certain parents; the politics of who gets picked each week, the parents getting busy with it all, the blaming each other for when things go wrong. And the girls teams are just as bad. Then each season, the trials, who they’re playing for next season, the bad mood when it doesn’t go their way, the nepotism…..

thank goodness it finally ended at 18 and I’m no longer the involved. Mind you I’m not convinced that he has finally accepted , at nearly 21, rhat arsenal aren’t still waiting for him,

League here starts from the U6

I'm quite competitive too so had to really reflect on whether this was me being competetive for my sons, was i feeling that they were rejected. It really isn't, i absolutely agree with you that it should be recreational, and that is the value of it, my youngest was asked to go to Arsenal (with a fair few others) and i said no, im just not interested.
For what it's worth rugby which my boys also play (Sundays are a killer in my house) is much more recreational and friendly, and if i had my way we'd ditch football all together 😂

Eurgh it's so frustrating

Fwiw your area is breaking the FA rules having a league for 7-11 year olds!

Much as the football thing did my head in I a soltely refused to let my kids play rugby, luckily they went to a football school. The behaviour might be better but the danger is too much of a risk for me even with the changes they’re making

I would keep looking around for other teams. You might have to look away from your area, but somewhere will have a more relaxed atmosphere.
Talk to you kids. Do they want to keep playing? If they are just bench warmers everyone week find another sport.

YANBU. It’s horrible. Several parents recently left our team over the appalling things the coach was yelling at the (very young) children.

It’s useful to be good enoogh to play football at breaks, but football clubs are full of arseholes. Encourage the boys towards a different way of playing football when you can.

The coach won’t care thet you want a noce atmosphere. Adult professional football is full of shouted abuse and violence and kids football coaches aspire to be pwrt of that scene. 😔

Totally agree that rugby is so much more inclusive. With football they start selecting for the local prufessional teams junior academies at about 7 which is just silly in my opinion- then have devastated kids dropped at 10 or 11. In rugby the selection / academy system only starts when they are about 15 which is much more appropriate, and the boys who are not on that track are still welcome to train and play every week. Mine played both until about 12 then dropped the football as it wasn’t any fun by then.

As a non-Brit living here, this has always surprised me about British sports. They are so competitive so very early on, and people don't seem to understand that recreation brought about by doing sport has value in itself. This is astonishing in a country where youth and adult obesity is such a big problem.

Oh this is not a British problem - it is a football problem, and it is more extreme in Italy, Spain, most of the countries that have a football culture. A friend moved to Italy when her sons were 8 and 9 and they could find no suitable club because all the local boys had been training since they could walk, and there was zero tolerance for kids who hadn't.

Apart from football I don't think sports in Britain are unusually competitive at all (and I say that as an Irish person who is not averse to taking an occasional pointless dig at Britain ).

You pay monthly for a kids football team? Surely it's a season, one off payment? It sounds more like a fake academy.

Look for a different team.

Of course there’s football leagues U11!

Results aren’t published so there’s no “table” but the fixtures are available to see. The league organised the fixtures.
U11’s here are divided into three leagues each with a colour name - so no one can claim they are top of all the teams in the county. From U12 they are in divisions and able to be promoted and champions etc.

£15 per month which covers training. We occasionally pay extra for a referee for a friendly £2 each (usually a teenager getting experience before reffing tournaments or league games).

Just seen you do rugby Sunday, but Sunday leagues seem to be more about the fun than the Saturday leagues. My son plays in a JPL team Saturday and a local team Sunday and they are totally different. As they get older the teams get bigger so go to 9v9 then 11v11 etc so that makes space as well and there's also a few fb groups if you are looking for a team

I'd keep an eye out for a team in a lower division as they tend to be less obsessed with winning at all costs. Look on Facebook for groups for grassroots football in your area, by about mid May there will be teams advertising for players. I run an U15s team and have done since U9s and there hasn't been a single year when we didn't have kids leave and a massive panic about recruiting replacements before the new season started.

We do both on Sunday 😭 I think a lot of the current Sunday vibe is to prep some of them for them joining JPL next season. Hopefully that will chill Sunday out a bit!