Grabbed 3-year-old by t-shirt

[Boymamabee]

I’m really upset! We were in the shop and DS was having a tantrum. Husband grabbed him by scruff of top and frogmarched him out of shop. It looked terrible and I don’t agree with it.

AIBU?

Wise up.

Grabbing him by his hoodie produces a much less emotional image than the scruff of his top. It sounds like he did exactly what needed doing.

I never understand why people say they can't pick up their 3 year old at X months pregnant unless you're pregnant with triplets

Been there, done that, would do it again if necessary.
All those staring were probably doing so in solidarity & secretly saying 'thank god it's not my child' to themselves & remembering all the times it was them.

Don’t be concerned what onlookers will think, fgs. Your husband intervened to improve the shopping experience for customers. He was appropriately disciplining his tantruming son, he didn’t hurt him, he showed him what happens to children who misbehave. Support your husband.

Have you been pregnant? At 7 months pregnant if I dropped something on the floor that’s were it lived until someone else picked it up. Putting on your own socks is a struggle. Plenty of pregnant women struggle with other things in pregnancy like SPD that would make making a tantruming toddler off the floor nearly impossible. She may have managed if alone but it’s really not hard to understand why a woman who’s 7 months pregnant would struggle to pick up a 3 year old who’s sat down on the floor kicking off.

Would far rather parents dealt firmly and promptly with a tantrumming child than spent ages blocking the aisle trying to reason etc etc.

Like others have said majority of people watching would be thinking some variation of "thank god those days are behind me/ been there done that/ thank god for a parent who's prepared to deal with it firmly"

@NeverDropYourMooncup
' like an angry handbag'

😂😂😂😂

he didn’t hurt him but people were looking

People are going to stare and judge when toddlers are having tantrums. Just ignore them. Your parenting shouldn’t change based on whether people are watching. It should be about your own instincts, not what other think.

It would be more embarrassing if your son was having a strop and you pandered to him. Your DH did right imo

@Coffeellama clearly I have been pregnant. SPD or disabilities aside, there's no reason why you can't pick up a 3 year old when you're pregnant.

I don't see the problem.

I would have done exactly as your DH did. I'd have been relieved to see him doing some proper parenting rather than the wishy-washy methods of "gentle parenting" that seem far too commonplace now.

Three cheers for DH. 😃

Why clearly?

If I saw this situation in a shop i wouldn't judge, I'd just be delighted to see a parent dealing with it instead of pandering to the child having a tantrum.

I wish your DH had been the father of the bloody teenager that thought is was a good idea to whizz around Waitrose this afternoon.
Everyone she narrowly missed (she did career into an assistants packing trolley full of milk) got a "look at me aren't I clever" grin, followed up be a "she's my daughter" smile from the stupid father. I pointed out to both that it's a supermarket not a playground, and why didn't she go and sit down or play outside.

I don't really see what he did wrong. He didn't hurt him, he removed him from the situation. Toddlers are little shits, they can kick, punch, grab and can turn to liquid so they're really hard to keep hold of. If one has a tantrum grabbing them in such a way they can't cause you or themselves harm may not look ideal but is the right thing to do.

OP you're heavily pregnant, picking him up normally he could have hit or kicked you in the bump, grabbed your hair, headbutted you, bent all around and caused you to put your back out trying to hold him. Just grabbing him around his middle, facing out, parallel to the floor and carrying him out under your arm like a plank of wood is much safer, he can't reach to cause you harm. Your husband did the same, carried him out without hurting him, in a way he also couldn't be hurt.

Considering every single pregnancy is different, you’re talking bullshit.

Dragging someone by the clothes is disrespectful and aggressive. YANBU, I'd hate to see that.

Ds used to tantrum all of the time in public, it was his party trick. I just used to stick him under my arm and march out with him everytime. Everytime people looked, they tend to do that when children are screaming. I don't think what your husband did is that out there. People would have looked no matter how he got the child out or if you would have stood there with a screaming child.

@Coffeellama because why would I comment on it if I hadn't been?

So is shouting, screaming, and causing a scene in the middle of a shop.

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks but in a large percentage of them women are still physically capable of getting on with things as normal

Wholly incorrect. If you grab by the front of a proper coat, they're very light and the weight is distributed really well, it's basically a hammock.

What's the other options? Properly grabbing them by the arm or ear and dragging them? Much more likely to cause them pain or harm. Not grab them at all? Good luck persuading a tantrumming toddler screaming on the ground to get up and move outside.

Is a toddler not a 7yo.

Do you not think age has any consideration?

A 3 year old is a toddler. Tantrums are developmentally normal.

Manhandling someone is lazy and unkind.

Do you like people doing that to you?

I once picked up my tantrumming 2year old in the supermarket. She somehow turned into the Hulk and thrashed about so much I dropped her. Luckily no one was hurt. I’d never do that again. Much safer to get hold of a piece of clothing and pull them out of the shop.

This. Your ds will probably not try this again with your dh but most likely with you. What do you think your dh should have done. Stood there, giving him options, negotiating and pandering to it?