To not want to go on holiday with depressed husband

[Lostwifehelp]

We have booked to take our 2 young kinds for their first holiday abroad in a few weeks. My husband has depression (which he isn’t getting any help for). I feel like it’s pulling me down as well and I can’t really enjoy much. The purpose of holiday wasn’t so much enjoyment for us as it was for the kids but as it gets closer I feel like even that will be a huge challenge.

A straight forward anti-depressant would make him feel much better pending deeper treatment. He would also feel better just for having made the effort. Would it be a total bummer to go on holiday later on?

Glad the holiday was ok and kids had fun.

I kind of understand your H’s view on therapists, I was pretty disappointed with mine too at the time, maybe I was expecting too much from them. However, in hindsight, it was helpful having to put it into words what I was going through in order to explain to the counsellors, so it probably did help in the end.

Unmedicated depression is vile both for the sufferer but as well as partners and kids. Walking out is a huge step and I hope it doesn't get to that. It sounds as though you are getting towards the medical profession and they will be your saviours I think. Would getting him more involved with the tinies lift his spirits, do you think?

Go with your tiny somewhere cheap and cheerful even just a few miles from home. You deserve it, your kiddo deserves it. Let him sit in front of the telly for a week?

Yanbu at all and yet the holiday could surprise you. I was in a similar situation last year and dreaded the holiday. The holiday ended up being amazing with husband in a more upbeat moodm sadly once home things got worse again and we had months of strain until he finally started seeking help. The holiday was a surprise success though and it and the memories are the thing I clung too when it was so hard. That said I would offer a deal. Seek help, at least get in the waiting list, take that step and you can go on the holiday. The stel itself may help. I know everyone is different though

Just saw what you said about always trying to outdo Gus therapist. There are many types of therapy. One that involves learning a new coping skill like CBT could be better than talking therapy. The intense CBT course not the basic one.

Sounds like a lot of excuses from him- sorry. And you feel sorry for him so enabling it. He was special then and is still special, is so special no one can help and so it juts has to be accepted. Has he always been depressed or is this a recent mood change? Have you always given him leeway because of his circumstances growing up? I would go, and I would do what I wanted with the kids whilst there. I also wouldn't keep enabling poor behaviour from him because he's too special to get help. The these are pretty common ones, even if the exact circumstances aren't, there is help available if he actually wants it.

His friend told him he always finds himself trying to out-do and out-think his therapists and my husband agrees with that too.

I do actually think therapy is more difficult for really intelligent people. However, you have to be quite emotionally stupid to TRY to sabotage your own therapy and tell people about it. I mean you're paying for it.