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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect 19yr dd to do her share of housework

67 replies

susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 22:34

I am a mum to a 19yr old dd. She is currently unemployed. She parties all weekend and it takes her 3 days to recover. She pays 40 a week digs money. She does very little in the house... but cleans her bedroom. I work part time.. partner of 6 years.. not living together. I cook for him and dd 5 days a week. I feel like i am being taken for a ride by my dd. Aibu to expect dd to do more in the house?

OP posts:
backawayfatty1 · 11/03/2023 22:40

Sounds like the partner is worse than the daughter - why do you cook for partner 5 days!

Assuming daughter on UC then she's giving you about half of her benefit so wouldn't suggest more money. I do think it's reasonable to expect your daughter to contribute by doing some household chores but that being said I'd be resentful if I was your daughter, expecting to tidy up and cook for your partner who's around 5 days a week

Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 22:43

My partner pays for the food shopping. I cook... it works for us. Dd isnt getting any benefits. Spending her savings.

OP posts:
Xrays · 11/03/2023 22:45

So your partner is effectively living with you for 5 nights of the week and he’s only paying for food? That he’s also eating….? Ok then.

Your dd and your partner are both wrong.

Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 22:48

I hadnt thought of that.... what should i do?

OP posts:
TheHouseNextDoor · 11/03/2023 22:49

My 20 yr old DS does a lot around the house. He makes dinner several times a week, cleans, does the bins, shops, sorts out the pets and pays £300 digs a month.

Yes, she should be doing more. Has she done her share growing up or are you trying to enforce these on her now?

Weenurse · 11/03/2023 22:50

Call a house meeting.
Point out you are all adults sharing a space and jobs and bills need to be shared.
Then work out who is responsible for what. I would expect DD to do more chores as she is not contributing much to bills..
Explain that this will be revised if she gets a job or studies full time.
You then need to treat her like an adult in a house share who gets pulled up if they don’t do their share.
Good luck

Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 22:51

Also... partner comes and eats then goes home within the hour. Now that I have written that.... i can see the issue with partner too.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 11/03/2023 22:52

I would be tempted to move out and live on my own.

MumOf2workOptions · 11/03/2023 22:52

susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 22:51

Also... partner comes and eats then goes home within the hour. Now that I have written that.... i can see the issue with partner too.

Your daughter needs to get to college or get a job and you need to tell this "partner" of yours you aren't a catering establishment and bin him off

Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 22:54

Can you send him to live with me please? He sounds like he will be a fantastic husband one day. Hope he doest find a partner that doesnt appreciate him. Lucky you . X

OP posts:
Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 22:56

Maybe should kick them both to the kerb....

OP posts:
Blablablanamechangagain · 11/03/2023 22:56

Your partner of 6 years comes to eat and leaves within an hour 5 time a week.

Your DD isn't the issue I'd be focusing on. I'd be more inclined to push her to get a job/do some further education tbh so she isn't spanking her savings.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 11/03/2023 22:57

I would expect far more yes from both the dd and the partner.

Your dd lives in the house therefore she should contribute towards the running of the house. That means cleaning and tidying communal areas, laundry, cooking, food shopping and other house admin.

My lot are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but they range from 10 to 16 and they clean bathrooms, hoover, mop, dust, put washing on, fold and put away clean laundry and so on. Not all chores all the the time, that makes them sound like I do nothing and they do everything! My general expectation is that during the week they do things like set the table empty and load dishwasher, put laundry on if their basket is full. At the weekend I expect each to do one bigger job eg hoover all communal areas, mop all hard floors or do their bathroom.

Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 22:57

Thanks. May need it.

OP posts:
Nevergonnastop · 11/03/2023 22:59

So you do everything for both of them? That's definitely not right. She needs a job or college. She needs to be helping. Why the hell does he come for food then leave within the hour? He's taking the piss out of you more than she is.

Ponoka7 · 11/03/2023 23:01

Won't she sign on because they'd make her look for work? Her level of partying and lack of housework needs addressing. Then put conditions on her living in the house eg future planning.
Your boyfriend is using you to cook for him, if it suits you, fine, carry on. If not, then think about what you want and if he can't deliver, get rid. There doesn't seem to have been consideration of your needs, by you, or anyone else.

Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 23:01

I reckon I should have a good think and chat with them both.

OP posts:
JackiePlace · 11/03/2023 23:02

Make a rota, allocate tasks to both and yourself.. after you decide whether you want your ‘partner’ to remain so.

Emmamoo89 · 11/03/2023 23:02

Yanbu x

Wearingatshirt · 11/03/2023 23:02

Put up a sign BnB CLOSED until further notice. Both taking liberties.

Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 23:06

Its my house.... i aint going nowhere x

OP posts:
Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 23:10

I can see that jow I have written it down.... i am 50 and the thougjt of being single frankly scares me.

OP posts:
Original poster
susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 23:12

Okay... so in less than 10 replies you guys made me realise that its not my dd thays really the issue.... thank you all. Xx

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 11/03/2023 23:22

susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 22:56

Maybe should kick them both to the kerb....

Your daughter, no. Have a conversation first. What are her job prospects? Why is she spending all her savings?

The bloke - he's on to a good thing isn't he? Do you have a cafe sign outside your house?

Summerfun54321 · 11/03/2023 23:30

susiebgood72 · 11/03/2023 23:10

I can see that jow I have written it down.... i am 50 and the thougjt of being single frankly scares me.

The thought of being a partner's dinner lady is more terrifying!