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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teenage cousins babysitting

76 replies

tumtitum · 11/03/2023 17:24

I'm not sure if my opinion is unreasonable or not! Happy to be told if it is :)
My children are primary school age. Evening babysitting would possible include giving them dinner (depending on the time, but normally they would have been fed etc), so then getting them into PJs, brushing teeth and getting them into bed. For transparency depending on their mood they could go straight to sleep or they could be shouting down the stairs a few times!
They are close to their cousins, who are early teens. they don't see them super frequently but are very comfortable with them.
We keep having a debate about them babysitting. Either at our house or their own. They are not the age that they are out or an evening by themselves, unless a prearrange sleepover or something. My DH (their blood relative) feels that we should pay, and pay the lower end of the going rate of a babysitter around here - £10). For the same price we can pay a professional babysitter.
I feel that if we are going to pay, I want to pay for the qualified childcare! I feel like other cousins in the family would babysit as a favour, if asked (but they don't live close so this isn't an option). I feel like if I was asked when my kids are older I would encourage them to do it unpaid, as a favour to family and to spend time with their cousins.
DH up in arms :)
For reference cousins are well off and have everything they need. I might feel different it extra money was a "treat" for them.
I am also happy to pay a nominal amount, just not £10 an hour!
Would love to know the prevailing opinion :)

OP posts:
Zola1 · 11/03/2023 17:26

I used to babysit for a relative when I was about 14, and I never had to give him tea or put him to bed as his mum would do that first, so she would go out about 730 and come back by 1. She would usually pay me 20 for the evening.

Zola1 · 11/03/2023 17:27

Zola1 · 11/03/2023 17:26

I used to babysit for a relative when I was about 14, and I never had to give him tea or put him to bed as his mum would do that first, so she would go out about 730 and come back by 1. She would usually pay me 20 for the evening.

Forgot my point. That was 17 years ago so I would expect someone to offer to pay my daughter for the same thing now.
I don't think it's fair to not pay them and expect them to just want to spend time with your kids when they could be doing their own thing with friends etc. I think you should be showing them you appreciate their help and value their time by giving them money. Not necessarily 10 an hour that seems steep.

Findyourneutralspace · 11/03/2023 17:30

I wouldn’t expect teens to give up their evening for free. I wouldn’t pay them £10 an hour either. I used to give my niece £10 and a takeaway but that was 10 years ago. I’d probably offer £20 for the evening now, and something nice to eat.

Holly60 · 11/03/2023 17:31

In this scenario you should let them do and and pay them the going rate.

Yes, you could pay a stranger to do it but it would be more filial to give your kids' cousins the job and the money.

You are asking the kids to do you a favour but you could look at it the other way round and do them a favour by giving them paid work.

PeekAtYou · 11/03/2023 17:37

I would pay but not £10ph! Minimum wage varies according to age and I wouldn't hesitate to pay less than a professional. Would you be paying for one or two babysitters ?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 11/03/2023 17:38

The perk of babysitting is getting paid.

give up one night to earn money to do something fun another night.

Annabananna1 · 11/03/2023 17:41

Of course you should pay. £10 per hour seems fair.

If you prefer to use a non-relative then do that. Here it would be a lot more than £10 per hour.

icysky · 11/03/2023 17:42

£25/30 for the whole evening (4-6hrs) and a pizza sounds fair.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 11/03/2023 17:46

Of course you have to pay them and I wouldn’t pay less than the going rate. £10 per hour seems fair - my 17 year old earns slightly more than that working in a supermarket which is far less responsibility than entertaining children so definitely wouldn’t be willing to give up an evening for less. For the record he is also well off and has everything he needs but we’ve raised him not to be a doormat for entitled relatives.

Theelephantinthecastle · 11/03/2023 17:50

Do they want to do it? If they have offered and are keen just because they want to, I can see your POV. If you want them to do it, you should pay them something but as it's family I might make it more of a gift than an hourly rate (e.g. gift voucher)

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 11/03/2023 17:50

Of course you need to pay! A flat rate each for the evening plus a takeaway for dinner.

Stompythedinosaur · 11/03/2023 17:52

Of course you should pay them!

"Doing a favour" is for people on an equal footing. Getting a kid to do work for you and not paying them is not great behaviour.

desperadodogface · 11/03/2023 17:52

I wouldn't pay pro rates but I'd pay a teenaged (responsible) relative to look after a child 3+ for their own sense of pride/ development. How long would you leave them? I'd say £20 and a pizza in fridge or takeaway would be good for 3-4h

TheSnowyOwl · 11/03/2023 17:56

I wouldn’t leave early teens to look after primary aged children. You need to pay the going rate and NMW is almost £10 p/h anyway.

Tinner01 · 11/03/2023 18:01

Agree with PP £25-30 for the evening and a takeaway

yikesanotherbooboo · 11/03/2023 18:12

Pay them the going rate and leave out some snacks or a pizza. Supporting your DNS is a nice and normal thing to to, your DC will like it and at some time in the future you might want a reciprocal favour from your ILs.

Rumplestrumpet · 11/03/2023 18:30

Personally I wouldn't be getting young teens to babysit - yes, I did it at 13 and 14, but I would prefer to leave my kids with someone at least 16 and very responsible.

I did use my nieces to help with childcare, but under 16 it was only when my husband or I were in the house but working from home, so should only be disturbed in an emergency. We paid £6/7 an hour (3 years ago, South East England). Once they turned 16 we left them alone with the kids and we paid £8/9 an hour.

Any babysitting they do does need to be paid, but I agree that under 18s with no experience or qualifications don't get the same as you'd pay e.g. a member of staff from nursery

MrsMikeDrop · 11/03/2023 18:42

Guess it depends on your general trust. I'd prefer my neice than a stranger with my child and in my house. She doenst expect anything but I pay her anyway, it seems fair (it's probably close to the going rate). But all she has to do is watch TV while DC is asleep. Given you're expecting your kids to be fed, put to sleep etc then you should be paying something, pretty cheeky otherwise. If you don't care who does it though, just pay the professional

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 11/03/2023 18:45

A lot depends on your kids as well.

DD3 I left with my niece or close friends.

DS2 was much better with unrelated people. He didn’t push his luck so much!

It was the same when my DD1 babysat (she had a proper little trade going in it from 14-17) - sometimes family kids or friends kids played up more because they knew her whereas others preferred it because they knew her.

BevMarsh · 11/03/2023 18:46

I'd pay £15 for the evening plus takeaway.

Megapint · 11/03/2023 18:49

You should definitely pay them. I even used to pay my older teens the going rate to babysit their younger siblings.

JoeMaplin · 11/03/2023 18:54

Of course you should pay! Around £5/6 an hour. Why would you not? A favour is something you return…

RandomUsernameHere · 11/03/2023 18:59

I would pay an adult or at least an older teenager instead

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 11/03/2023 19:02

If you think they should do it as a favour, what favour (costing you the same amount of time) were you planning to do in return? Not a favour for the teens' parents but for the teens?

Of course you should pay them if you trust them to babysit.

If you (quite reasonably) prefer to use an adult or late teen paid babysitter then just tell the teens you'd rather babysitters are over 16 (or whatever age) and that if your children still need babysitting when the cousins are that age then of course you'll be happy to ask them.

RoseMartha · 11/03/2023 19:04

You do need to pay about £5 an hour.