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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage cousins babysitting

76 replies

tumtitum · 11/03/2023 17:24

I'm not sure if my opinion is unreasonable or not! Happy to be told if it is :)
My children are primary school age. Evening babysitting would possible include giving them dinner (depending on the time, but normally they would have been fed etc), so then getting them into PJs, brushing teeth and getting them into bed. For transparency depending on their mood they could go straight to sleep or they could be shouting down the stairs a few times!
They are close to their cousins, who are early teens. they don't see them super frequently but are very comfortable with them.
We keep having a debate about them babysitting. Either at our house or their own. They are not the age that they are out or an evening by themselves, unless a prearrange sleepover or something. My DH (their blood relative) feels that we should pay, and pay the lower end of the going rate of a babysitter around here - £10). For the same price we can pay a professional babysitter.
I feel that if we are going to pay, I want to pay for the qualified childcare! I feel like other cousins in the family would babysit as a favour, if asked (but they don't live close so this isn't an option). I feel like if I was asked when my kids are older I would encourage them to do it unpaid, as a favour to family and to spend time with their cousins.
DH up in arms :)
For reference cousins are well off and have everything they need. I might feel different it extra money was a "treat" for them.
I am also happy to pay a nominal amount, just not £10 an hour!
Would love to know the prevailing opinion :)

OP posts:
Vloader23 · 11/03/2023 19:05

Don't be so tight. Give them a fair rate for a teen babysitter

Paperexcelandpens · 11/03/2023 19:13

I wouldn't have early teens babysitting my child.

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/03/2023 19:16

I think £20 plus a pizza is a good deal both sides.

lailamaria · 11/03/2023 19:18

£10 an hour is the basic rate for babysitters i think you're being totally unreasonable

MissAmbrosia · 11/03/2023 19:24

I always babysat my much younger cousins and dd was babysat by her much older ones. Payment was always going rate. It's nicer to have a family member than a complete stranger surely? I still chuckle about the run around the little boys gave me and their excuses for not going to sleep. They are mid 40s now. I never asked payment for babysitting my nephews as an adult though.

OnaBegonia · 11/03/2023 19:30

I'd have them fed and in pyjamas, if it's a few hours I'd pay £20.

Original poster
tumtitum · 11/03/2023 20:18

Okay so a few mixed opinions but generally think we should be paying!
I also have reservations about their ages but my DH is more trusting of them than me (and generally more laid back about risk). We would normally have a member of staff from our local nursery who the kids know really well and I trust. I also know they won't run circles around her.
We have also done many many favours for their parents which are rarely reciprocated which on reflection I think may be colouring my view!!
They have actually babysat before, with another family member (but who was unwell and unable to take responsibility). I left a cooked dinner and gave a similar sum people have suggested (think £30-40) but got given a hard time about it!!
I think I will stick with my gut and use our usual babysitter.
I appreciate all the replies :)

OP posts:
Ladyzfactor · 11/03/2023 22:28

The favors you did were to the parents though, not the children. They are a separate people. If people work, you should pay them. Bonding with their cousins is not a payment. I always hated this when I was younger. I had family members that acted like they were doing me a favor by having the privilege to be with their children. Thankfully my parents put a stop to this pretty quick.

CapturedLeprechaun · 11/03/2023 22:32

My DC's cousin (18yrs) babysits for my kids (4,6&8) quite often. She drives, so gets herself to me. I'm never home later than 11pm. So usually 7-11pm. My kids are always fed & in PJs so she doesn't have to "do" anything. I don't buy a takeaway but always have pizzas in she can have, and then her favourite snacks/drinks.

I pay a £30 flat rate whether I'm out 7-11 or 8-10pm. My "paid" non-relative sitter is £10 an hour, so would cost me almost identical tbh, but my kids love being babysat by their cousin far more than the paid sitter, and it's nice the cousins get to spend time together, so I always ask her as my first choice.

HVPRN · 11/03/2023 22:49

Wow, babysitting is an average of £10 an hour?! It's supposed to be a starter job/pocket money. Think a lot of apprentices start a few pounds lower an hour than that.. I should think £5 is more reasonable.

I'm clearly old.. I remember getting £10 for around 5 hours 18:00-23:00 and access to treats - very happy teen!! 😅

Original poster
tumtitum · 11/03/2023 23:10

Just shows how much things change! I remember babysitting in the 90s for my mum's friends for £2 an hour 🤣
I think for me is mostly the expectation that I would pay as much as a qualified person I trust and could enjoy my evening knowing my kids are in safe hands. With the teens I would feel like I needed to check in and be "on call" if something happened that they couldn't handle, so I don't expect to pay them the same. If they were happy with a fiver an hour and a pizza I would go for it but it's been made clear to me that's not the case 😁

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 11/03/2023 23:43

HVPRN · 11/03/2023 22:49

Wow, babysitting is an average of £10 an hour?! It's supposed to be a starter job/pocket money. Think a lot of apprentices start a few pounds lower an hour than that.. I should think £5 is more reasonable.

I'm clearly old.. I remember getting £10 for around 5 hours 18:00-23:00 and access to treats - very happy teen!! 😅

Why would you babysit for £5 an hour when you can go and work in a supermarket for double that?

When I worked at ASDA the 15-16 year olds earned the adult minimum wage.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 11/03/2023 23:53

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 11/03/2023 23:43

Why would you babysit for £5 an hour when you can go and work in a supermarket for double that?

When I worked at ASDA the 15-16 year olds earned the adult minimum wage.

Show quote history

Well, because babysitting is basically getting paid to watch TV and eat food but just in someone else’s house! Working in a supermarket is an actual job where you have a boss and have to be doing actual work for the whole time you’re getting paid.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/03/2023 00:02

Babysitting is getting paid to be there in case you’re needed for more than just watching tv.

Otherwise people could just just leave kids home alone, or not be fussed about who babysits.

Just because the skills required aren’t always needed doesn’t mean people should take the piss out of babysitters and expect them to do it for nowt.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 12/03/2023 00:02

I think early teens are too young to be babysitting for other children.

If you left your own 13 or 14 year old at home on their own you’d probably want to check in on them and being worrying about whether they were ok.

What would you be thinking if your much younger children were being babysat by someone else’s 13 or 14 year old?

But that aside, if you were doing it, there’s no way you should be expecting them to do it for free. There’s also no way I’d pay them £10 per hour either. As others have said, I’d get some stuff for them to eat and I’d give them £20 or £30 max for the evening.

Up until about 3 years ago we still used a babysitter who was from my son’s old nursery, so a proper qualified person. They charged £7.50 per hour!! I once asked the mother of a 17 year old around the same time about babysitting and she said the going rate for teenagers was £10. I nearly died of shock. Funnily enough I stuck with my cheaper qualified person!

UnsolicitedOpinions · 12/03/2023 00:07

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/03/2023 00:02

Babysitting is getting paid to be there in case you’re needed for more than just watching tv.

Otherwise people could just just leave kids home alone, or not be fussed about who babysits.

Just because the skills required aren’t always needed doesn’t mean people should take the piss out of babysitters and expect them to do it for nowt.

I wouldn’t expect them to do it for “nowt”, but I wouldn’t pay what I’d pay a qualified person.

I don’t think many early teens would have many actual “skills” required for babysitting. Other than be there and have the parents’ phone number and call it if there is a problem.

Working in a supermarket is a job doing exactly what an adult employee might be doing for their full-time job and will have required training. It’s totally different.

Ladyzfactor · 12/03/2023 00:10

I've noticed that parents who always say that parenting is the hardest job there is are always the ones that say babysitters just watch TV and eat and don't really work or deserve compensation.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 12/03/2023 00:13

Ladyzfactor · 12/03/2023 00:10

I've noticed that parents who always say that parenting is the hardest job there is are always the ones that say babysitters just watch TV and eat and don't really work or deserve compensation.

Oh well - I don’t think parenting is the hardest job!

Abraxan · 12/03/2023 00:35

I babysat for cousins as a young teen and as I got older. I was always paid the going rate. I was also fed and had snacks/soft drinks left for me, and free access to the TV etc. Most of the time the children had als ready been fed and were in ONs, sometimes they were already in bed.

You really shouldn't be expecting teens to give up their evenings to look after your children for nothing.

I don't know why teens who babysit for free unless it's their own sibling. I didn't growing up either.

Abraxan · 12/03/2023 00:44

tumtitum · 11/03/2023 23:10

Just shows how much things change! I remember babysitting in the 90s for my mum's friends for £2 an hour 🤣
I think for me is mostly the expectation that I would pay as much as a qualified person I trust and could enjoy my evening knowing my kids are in safe hands. With the teens I would feel like I needed to check in and be "on call" if something happened that they couldn't handle, so I don't expect to pay them the same. If they were happy with a fiver an hour and a pizza I would go for it but it's been made clear to me that's not the case 😁

In the 80s I got a fiver for the whole night?!
But that was the going rate where we lived anyway. One relative paid me double as they were better off and it felt like a massive amount. When I had a Saturday job in the very early 90s it paid just over £2 an hour.

But the 90s are a king time ago. That money would be the equivalent of more than double now.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/03/2023 01:11

UnsolicitedOpinions · 12/03/2023 00:07

I wouldn’t expect them to do it for “nowt”, but I wouldn’t pay what I’d pay a qualified person.

I don’t think many early teens would have many actual “skills” required for babysitting. Other than be there and have the parents’ phone number and call it if there is a problem.

Working in a supermarket is a job doing exactly what an adult employee might be doing for their full-time job and will have required training. It’s totally different.

Show quote history

The op did…

well that’s obviously where we differ. I wouldn’t leave my children with a babysitter that couldn’t handle a situation - they need more skills than “call the parent” to deal with an emergency. Hence why not every teen (or even every adult) would be a suitable babysitter.

A qualified babysitter is also “just sitting watching tv” so it’s hardly different

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 12/03/2023 01:13

DD1’s babysitting rate up until lockdown was £7 an hour before midnight and £10 an hour after. Plus the parent paid for a taxi home.

She was booked solid. I can’t imagine teens now doing it for less.

mathanxiety · 12/03/2023 01:35

My DCs made a lot of money babysitting.

If you use the cousins, you need to pay the proper rate, £10. They're providing the service the professional would or you wouldn't be considering them.

I think it's exploitative to expect the same service and pay less.

ladycardamom · 12/03/2023 01:43

Of course you need to pay them.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/03/2023 08:52

Well, because babysitting is basically getting paid to watch TV and eat food but just in someone else’s house! Working in a supermarket is an actual job where you have a boss and have to be doing actual work for the whole time you’re getting paid.

Strongly disagree.

Babysitting is a lot more than just sitting and watching TV/eating food. You're responsible for the safety and wellbeing of someone else's children!

Yes, if they just sleep and all you need to do is "be there" it's easy - but often, they don't. Children have nightmares, have accidents, throw up, have tantrums, want their parents, refuse to go back to bed - that's a lot to deal with at 14/15 and needs to be compensated accordingly.