Is this being a hypocrite?

[againandagain1000]

I'm due to see a friend this weekend. My friend keeps messaging to change the time and venue which is making me quite anxious as it's somewhere I haven't been before so ideally I want to know the plans in advance.
I've said to my partner I'm feeling a bit anxious because the plans keep changing.

Friend has then said they're going to arrive at the venue early and might eat before I get there, which again I am a bit upset about as when I arrive, my friends would have already eaten. (I can't get there earlier due to work so I'll arrive an hour after them).

My partner then said 'your friend is out of order. Are they really that fat that they can't wait for you? (Then paused) No they're not so why can't they wait?'

I told my partner I don't like that comment and there's no need to mention weight at all in this.

Partner is now annoyed with me saying I'm a hypocrite for not calling out my friends behaviour but I'm calling DP out on not liking that comment.

Partner is really upset with me and has said 'now I'm the bad guy in this. Thanks a lot. You're a hypocrite calling me out on what I've said when you won't say anything to your friend about their shitty behaviour'.

Is this me being a hypocrite?

@Iamtheonwandlonely
I was also wondering if they don't want me to go. But this friend messages me a lot asking me to meet and tries to book things in advance. And then on the day will message saying 'can we meet somewhere else/ at a different time'.

Then might message an hour later saying 'actually let's stick to the original time'. Then again a while after saying 'I'm here now. I know I'm 40 mins early but I'm going to order food now so see you in a bit'.

You've said you're battling with an eating disorder.....might they be wanting to eat before you get there in relation to something that has been said/done regarding this maybe? Today's one alone, I dont think they are doing anything wrong. If its something they keep doing, there's a reason.

@Nevergonnastop
No it won't be that. They don't know about it.

I think that's really odd and really rude from your friend. I can see that your partner's choice of words wasn't amazing but I do think he's onto something.

Though I'm more likely to rant to my partner than my friends as well.

@AllOfThemWitches
I do find it hard to tell friends when they've upset me.
It's a 2 hour trip for me to go to meet them today. And they've already messaged to say they're going to order before I get there. Which is frustrating. I most likely won't order anything when I get there because they might have finished.

Why don’t you just say please can you wait for me to order, or tell them what you want so they can order for you. Just say you feel awkward eating after everyone has finished. They are being really rude but if you never said you mind then how would they know.

@TempName247
It feels awkward to say because they'll said 'I'm going to order as soon as I get there because I'll be hungry'
Or 'do you mind if I order before you arrive. I will be very hungry so this is what I would prefer to do'.

I would say, I would rather you wait for me so we can all eat together. Can they have a snack to keep them going. Maybe they have some issues with food themselves.

@TempName247
I really struggle. I do need to do it. I find it really difficult. But situations like this happen a lot with this friend and it does cause me stress.