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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you take "that's the only way I'll get on your tits today"?

87 replies

Workyworky · 11/03/2023 07:28

I've chosen the YABU and YANBU options randomly for voting only. Nothing is implied by them IYSWI. I'm not criticising anyone or devaluing their feelings or experience, I'm just curious how people would interpret it.

YABU - It means I'm on my best behaviour so won't annoy you today.

YANBU - It means I'm thinking about you sexually.

OP posts:
HareintheBluebells · 11/03/2023 08:33

NurseCranesRolodex · 11/03/2023 08:29

I'd imagine Wayne Couzens made 'jokes' like this in his ascending journey to sex attacking, murderer. Its now acceptable for anyone to sexually intimidate any female in this way. Can't you see that? Bloody hell.

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This comparison is far more offensive than Pat Sharp’s “joke”.

Verylongtime · 11/03/2023 08:36

Nevergonnastop · 11/03/2023 08:32

Where I live, it's a phrase that people say without even thinking about it. If something gets on your tits it means it annoys you. I get that it won't mean that everywhere, but where I live that's what it means. Men say it as well as women, men will say that something gets on their tits. It's not frowned upon, it's not given a second thought.

However, someone saying in the way this was said, about a tshirt where the picture of the person will clearly be around the beast area, shows the different way in how it was meant.

Show quote history

It does mean that everywhere. It means that where I live too. And it’s still an offensive phrase. If people don’t give it a second thought, perhaps they should give it two, or three, thoughts.

Meandfour · 11/03/2023 08:38

It’s the only way he will annoy you today. And you rarely have sex / be intimate (in his opinion)

Nevergonnastop · 11/03/2023 08:41

Verylongtime · 11/03/2023 08:36

It does mean that everywhere. It means that where I live too. And it’s still an offensive phrase. If people don’t give it a second thought, perhaps they should give it two, or three, thoughts.

Show quote history

What's offensive about it?

MrNook · 11/03/2023 08:45

Ooh well you could've mentioned the context, totally inappropriate and obviously sexual.

MysweetAudrina · 11/03/2023 08:46

I don't find it offensive in the least and even it a work context I would laugh as I can see the joke that is being made. Just a play on words but then I don't mind sexual innuendo or banter.

KikkisCat · 11/03/2023 08:47

In the context it happened, it was totally unacceptable and Pat Sharps non-apology shows he still doesn't get it. He's quite pathetic really and no great loss.

Ceryneianhind · 11/03/2023 08:52

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/03/2023 08:05

It's annoying women still get this sort of shit when they are working. He'd have never said the equivalent to a man.

I'm not sure that he wouldn't say it to a man though

Personally yes, I would have been uncomfortable if he said it to me in front of colleagues.

Should he have been sacked, I dont think so. I have said the wrong thing occasionally.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 11/03/2023 08:59

Who's Pat Sharp?

Is what I'd be wearing on my Tshirt.

Chocolateydrink · 11/03/2023 09:01

So, if DH did something mildly annoying and then said that to me in a private situation then it would be a pun that was acknowledging he'd done something annoying which might be sufficient to clear the air. But it only works when there's an ongoing sexual relationship and the man is talking about being annoying.

However, when Pat Sharp said it was clearly just a sexual comment because there's no word play or double meaning around the common idiom. However, if the woman was quick witted enough to say something along the lines of 'actually with that comment you have got on my tits so no need for the tshirt' that would be a funny word play comment.

I don't know, I think he was trying to make a joke that might work in a private situation but clearly doesn't work in a public situation when it's directed at a stranger. Comedians sometimes make jokes that fail at times and because of the sexual connotations and the situation he's got into trouble whereas another failed pun that wasn't sexual would just mean people would think he wasn't funny, or that he needed to work on the joke.

ShimmeringShirts · 11/03/2023 09:06

Were they Scottish? It’s said around these parts a fair amount to mean that they won’t annoy you/know their actions are annoying. Nowt sexual about it.

ShimmeringShirts · 11/03/2023 09:07

Might add, said to both men and women too. There’s no need to take offence to absolutely everything, definitely not demeaning or sexual or abusive either 🙄

Nevergonnastop · 11/03/2023 09:09

ShimmeringShirts · 11/03/2023 09:07

Might add, said to both men and women too. There’s no need to take offence to absolutely everything, definitely not demeaning or sexual or abusive either 🙄

People have gone batshit. It will be illegal to say Dickhead next because we are offending those without a dick.

Oakorn · 11/03/2023 09:09

It depends what “that” is referring to.

If “that” is “preparing a candle lit dinner” then it’s YANBU. If “that” is “refusing to walk the dog or help with the DCs” then obviously it’s YABU.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 11/03/2023 09:11

Context is so important here. At a comedy hen do this would be fine, in keeping to the event.

At a work profesional event, no one should be talking about a young woman's (think she is 25 from the article) breasts. Or any woman really. She was there to be professional and recieve an award.

Same way as at a stag or hen do, or similar, a joke could be made about a man's penis, but not a work event.

It wasn't used I the context of annoying anyone so that argument doesn't fly.

MrNook · 11/03/2023 09:13

ShimmeringShirts · 11/03/2023 09:07

Might add, said to both men and women too. There’s no need to take offence to absolutely everything, definitely not demeaning or sexual or abusive either 🙄

In the context ( that OP didn't include ) where a male celebrity gave a T-shirt with his face on to a woman and said "that's the only way I'll get on your tits" I'd say that is demeaning and sexualising.

In normal context no it's not demeaning, I often refer to DP as getting on my tits when he's annoying me but in this situation it's gross

Clymene · 11/03/2023 09:15

He's a disgusting creep. That poor woman.

Ponoka7 · 11/03/2023 09:17

This is a prime example of the everyday sexism women face. She was at an awards ceremony, she is a industry leader, was there with colleagues and juniors, yet her sex/tits was what attracted the attention of the compare. The 80's are long gone, but not the workplace sexism it would seem.

Verylongtime · 11/03/2023 09:21

ShimmeringShirts · 11/03/2023 09:07

Might add, said to both men and women too. There’s no need to take offence to absolutely everything, definitely not demeaning or sexual or abusive either 🙄

The fact that you can’t see it is on you. The fact that you think such an expression is normal and fine also says a lot.

TroysMammy · 11/03/2023 09:24

My DM quite regularly says my DF is getting on her tits. It doesn't mean that 2 octogenarians are fondling and being fondled.

LizzieSiddal · 11/03/2023 09:25

If it was said by partner in your home it is completely different to a stranger saying this to you in a stage so of course context is key!

This comment said to a woman he was giving a t shirt to, was said in a sexual context and I’m glad he’s been sacked. He’s a creepy bastard for saying that and anyone with a brain knows it’s totally inappropriate.

Millicentmargaretamandaholden · 11/03/2023 09:25

Can’t see a world where what Pat Sharp did is remotely ok or it was remotely funny.

Ladybird2023 · 11/03/2023 09:26

If this had happened to me I’d have rolled my eyes and cringed for a second or two. To call it abusive, and for him to lose his job over it is completely ridiculous.

It wasn’t a serious work meeting, it was Pat Sharp from Funhouse giving out tee shirts of his face, and he was obviously trying to be funny.

LizzieSiddal · 11/03/2023 09:27

Ponoka7
This is a prime example of the everyday sexism women face. She was at an awards ceremony, she is a industry leader, was there with colleagues and juniors, yet her sex/tits was what attracted the attention of the compare. The 80's are long gone, but not the workplace sexism it would seem.

Hear hear!!

Anyone thinking this comment was ok in the context it was said, needs to have a good old look at yourself. Stop accepting sexism!

EscapeTheCastle · 11/03/2023 09:28

At a work event. No. Not fair.
At a Pat Sharp fan event, maybe, but he's a former kids show presenter Of Fun House and wholesome daytime radio DJ so even a fan would probably feel very uncomfortable because it's not part of his act I know there's no such thing as a Pat Sharp fan event by the way!
I wonder if he did fun house at university shows for the retro vibe and made this joke before.
I went to see Derren Brown and got picked to be on stage and he made a sexual joke about me and I was right pissed off because that's not his thing either. That was back 2004.