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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

House exchange

7 replies

Hoping12 · 10/03/2023 23:40

feeling a little disappointed this evening. Basically we are looking to do a mutual exchange we are in a 2 bedroom absolutely love our house it was bad when we moved in 10 years ago and took us a long time and a lot of money to get it to where it is. We was getting no where for ouR HA to do repairs so we’ve done everything ourselves fitted our own bathroom and kitchen, changed radiators to the tall wall ones. Handy my other half does this sort of thing for a living so just have to pay for materials.
anyway we have 3 children 12, 7 and 9 months. Our middle child is autistic and eventually our baby will need to go into his own room. We was in no major rush to move but was looking.

anyway a lady came forward and said she had a 3 bedroom house…. sent pictures to each other asked if she could view ours on Thursday. On Thursday morning she messaged and said she didn’t need to view just send measurements but we still agreed we could view hers Friday (today).

anyway we’ve gone there this evening and I’m under no illusion when you move you want to put your own stamp on the place. Decorating I don’t mind. But no exaggeration the whole house needs a full refurb before we can even move in- the bathroom is literally falling apart nothing like the photo infact it doesn’t even look like the bathroom she sent photos of, out of the whole house only one room and that was a bedroom was liveable until we could do it all. We would have no bathroom until it’s done. It was honestly terrible in the house. 2 of the bedrooms we couldn’t view because we couldn’t get in the rooms because they were full of stuff could t even get the door open.
the back of the house she said “oh I forgot to tell you we’ve got a conservatory” we went through and it was literally a shed attached to the house made of ply wood which was rotting and leaking.
they had cut the garden in half moving the back fence forward to hide the old tenants rubbish she admitted there was at least 2 skips worth the back of the house.
every room we went in she would go oh we’ve brought tiles we’ll leave them for you to finish, we’ve brought installation for you to put up (for the “conservatory” that needs knocking down), every door had holes punched in it- oh we’ve got the doors they are in the small room we can’t get in.

im not a snob and I’m not afraid of getting my hands dirty doing some cleaning and decorating but I feel so bad she was a nice lady really nice but I can’t help but feel we are going from something we’ve put a lot into in to something that’s gonna cause so much with stress with 3 children- 1 disabled who is petrified of germs and really not keen on moving putting her in a situation which will be torture for her for a year maybe 2 max she would be absolutely hysterical walking into that house she wouldn’t be able to stay there until the bathroom is at least done.

the lady messaged me this evening when we got home for some more photos of one of our bedrooms and measurements for her wardrobe. I feel awful but it’s honestly so bad

OP posts:
Womblemumma · 10/03/2023 23:44

Don’t do it! You’ll regret it. Tell her no, you’ve had a change of heart and wait for another exchange to come forward.

Hoping12 · 10/03/2023 23:49

Thankyou, that seems to be the best option. We have a friend who exchanged and regretted it due to the sheer amount of stuff that needed doing

And then to top it off her dog when we first went in weed all over my partners foot he didn’t tell me till we got the car and was like I need to go home and change and then told me why (to be honest I could t help but laugh when he told me) but then he pointed out how he saw the other dog (she has 2) weed in the corner of the landing whilst we was there aswell…. Saying imagine if they’ve done that all over the house and baby crawling around so that’s another big thing that would need doing straight away

OP posts:
AdInfinitum12 · 10/03/2023 23:52

Bloody hell, the obvious answer here is 1000% tell her you're not swapping!

Hoping12 · 11/03/2023 00:02

Thankyou, I know what you mean it is an obvious answer. We come up with the idea of putting a partition in the girls room so they have their own space. Then our little boy having our room if we are still here by the time he needs one and us having a sofa bed hoping something would come up before then. But options just incase.

was expecting someone to say it can be fixed and have solutions but to be honest i think we would be silly to swap for it.

reason I’ve asked was because my parents and sister were minding the children whilst we went to view and when we got in ans told them what It was like my parents completely agreed with us that it was too much for us to take on but my sister (who I love dearly she’s my best friend) completely stuck her nose up of the idea of us perhaps temp having a sofa bed saying what if something doesn’t come up….. love her to bits but she sometimes has to much to say lol

OP posts:
GoAgainstNicki · 11/03/2023 00:08

Sounds like hell. I certainly wouldn’t go for it. She’d be getting a nice done up property and you guys would be getting a fucking shit hole! Forget it!

Just let her know that sorry it’s not going to work

daimtheman · 11/03/2023 07:16

You've probably tried this but I wonder, given you have a child with additional needs, whether the HA/council can help at all.

If it's a case of needed to move rather than wanting to?

I do know people who have been successful with support from hospital consultants, GP, therapists.

Dingle66 · 16/05/2023 16:49

Hi I'm withdrawing from a mutual exchange as I live on my own in a 2 bed house and its to a lovely flat but it's on the top floor and I'm 57andmy brother said what if you fall it's crazy top floors are for younger people and no its a bad idea the lady I'm moving with is pregnant and very excited but I had a call earlier that my dad of 83is poorly and coming to live with me as he's putting his house for sale and I really don't know what to do i hate upsetting. people but my dad is my world

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