Page 4 | WWUD? OH in bed since being sent home due to snow!

Theeffingcleaner · 2023-03-10T13:17:25+00:00

I’m so annoyed, got my 2 dc at home due to snow so both schools closed , having to do online lessons or planned work.OH sent home this morning as he couldn’t work due to bad weather(roofing contractor) so he’s decided to go back to bed. Me on the other hand am trying to help my youngest with school work, being called numerous times I walk out of room by youngest, trying to get my own bits of work done, older child complaining WiFi is lagging, dog wanting to go for his walk and won’t leave me alone, along with housework that needs sorting, washing that needs to be hung so it can dry, dc needing to be fed lunch, while my OH has been fast asleep snoring his bloody head off for the last 3 and half hours. I am tempted to blast radio to get the lazy fucker up to help me out.Rant done with,apologies in advance 🤬

PoseyFlump · 11/03/2023 09:00

the fury on here sometimes is alarming, I’m amazed some of you are in relationships at all.

👏👏

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 11/03/2023 09:07

the fury on here sometimes is alarming, I’m amazed some of you are in relationships at all

I don't need to be furious as my DH isn't a selfish dick who would take himself off for a three hour nap while I was trying to working and home-school two children

I'm angry on OP's behalf as she seems to be stuck with a useless, lazy man-child.

grayhairdontcare · 11/03/2023 09:10

Why would you allow yourself to be treated this way?
Don't be passive. If you can't communicate then you don't have a relationship.

Rosscameasdoody · 11/03/2023 09:11

Don’t understand why someone would waste the time it took to post this on MN when it’s bleedin’ obvious what they should have done. Instead of letting OH to back to bed and waiting until the frustration ended in her losing her temper, the OP should have pointed out to him what needed doing as soon as he got home, and then gone out for a coffee and left him to it.

Rosscameasdoody · 11/03/2023 09:12

mumwon · 10/03/2023 16:46

Op for future use....turn on vacuum you dont have to do anything with it just leave it on

Placed outside the bedroom door. I can tell you from personal experience, it works !!

katepilar · 11/03/2023 09:19

Curiosity101 · 10/03/2023 14:53

There's a huge issue with communication in your house. I think you'd all benefit from addressing it.

You taking time for yourself without speaking to your partner is absolutely no different to him doing it. He chose to go and sleep without discussing or agreeing it with you, therefore leaving you to solo parent for an undisclosed amount of time.

You've arguably lied and deceived him on purpose to get some time to yourself. Leaving him as the solo parent for an undisclosed amount of time. And the kids also don't know where you've gone or for how long.

I get that he did something wrong first. But two wrongs don't make a right. It would be clear to most reasonable people that if you're working and he isn't then he probably should be taking charge of parenting today - but if he's not doing that then you need to set clear expectations and communicate clearly. "I've been trying all morning to work whilst homeschooling the kids. I'm incredibly annoyed that you chose to come home and sleep without speaking to me so we could agree on how we could best tackle today and caring for the kids together. I'm now really stressed and we're running low on milk. I'm going to go to the shop and then take 40minutes in Costa to decompress. I'll be back in 1 hour and once I've calmed down I'd like us to talk about a plan for the rest of the day" etc etc.

If you communicate your needs (however blatantly obvious we think they are) and he continues to actively ignore them with no good reason then maybe he's not the best role model for your kids 😕

This would be ideal. Unfortunately for those of us who grew up and live in family systems that dont know how to communicate at all and shout at, belittle, accuse etc their spouses and children its VERY diffucult to change how situations are delt with. First it takes years to realise what is happening is wrong as it is a norm, then it takes tiem to work out how to deal with it and actually carrying it out is yet another level.
It took me years to realise the above and can communicate at work but only with colleagues that I am sure wont shout or kick an unreasonable fuss. I cant deal if they do and basically break down or have panic attacks.

Also I thought for some time that the people who do self-centred stuff like OPs husband do that knowingly. Massive shock was to realise they dont, they genuily feel that world is there to run around for them and absorb all their frustration and anger. I have one of these for a father and it has put me off men for life.

PoseyFlump · 11/03/2023 09:21

I'd be more inclined to believe the OP's OH never got out of bed. That's the only scenario that makes sense how he could be in bed without a conversation of 'I'm going back to bed' which would instigate a grown up chat. Find it very hard to believe he went to bed without a word spoken 🙄

KeeperSweeper · 11/03/2023 09:21

Curiosity101 · 10/03/2023 14:53

There's a huge issue with communication in your house. I think you'd all benefit from addressing it.

You taking time for yourself without speaking to your partner is absolutely no different to him doing it. He chose to go and sleep without discussing or agreeing it with you, therefore leaving you to solo parent for an undisclosed amount of time.

You've arguably lied and deceived him on purpose to get some time to yourself. Leaving him as the solo parent for an undisclosed amount of time. And the kids also don't know where you've gone or for how long.

I get that he did something wrong first. But two wrongs don't make a right. It would be clear to most reasonable people that if you're working and he isn't then he probably should be taking charge of parenting today - but if he's not doing that then you need to set clear expectations and communicate clearly. "I've been trying all morning to work whilst homeschooling the kids. I'm incredibly annoyed that you chose to come home and sleep without speaking to me so we could agree on how we could best tackle today and caring for the kids together. I'm now really stressed and we're running low on milk. I'm going to go to the shop and then take 40minutes in Costa to decompress. I'll be back in 1 hour and once I've calmed down I'd like us to talk about a plan for the rest of the day" etc etc.

If you communicate your needs (however blatantly obvious we think they are) and he continues to actively ignore them with no good reason then maybe he's not the best role model for your kids 😕

100% agree with this, you are as bad as each other!

katepilar · 11/03/2023 09:22

Rosscameasdoody · 11/03/2023 09:11

Don’t understand why someone would waste the time it took to post this on MN when it’s bleedin’ obvious what they should have done. Instead of letting OH to back to bed and waiting until the frustration ended in her losing her temper, the OP should have pointed out to him what needed doing as soon as he got home, and then gone out for a coffee and left him to it.

The thing is its not obvious.

NurseCranesRolodex · 11/03/2023 09:23

I think I'd reflect on why the actual fuck he thinks this is OK in the first place?

Insist on him looking after his children and home and enabling you to do your job.

Or keep it simple and LTB!

katepilar · 11/03/2023 09:24

PoseyFlump · 11/03/2023 09:21

I'd be more inclined to believe the OP's OH never got out of bed. That's the only scenario that makes sense how he could be in bed without a conversation of 'I'm going back to bed' which would instigate a grown up chat. Find it very hard to believe he went to bed without a word spoken 🙄

Perhaps you have been fortunate enough to never have been in a similar situation. I can imagine this very easily. There is no need to roll your eyes.

katepilar · 11/03/2023 09:28

Instead of blaming the OP for not handling the situation like a mature adult in a response to shockingly selfish behaviour of her husband it would be more helpful to give advice how to actually tackle it in a smart way. There is too many harsh posts on this thread.

KeeperSweeper · 11/03/2023 09:37

katepilar · 11/03/2023 09:28

Instead of blaming the OP for not handling the situation like a mature adult in a response to shockingly selfish behaviour of her husband it would be more helpful to give advice how to actually tackle it in a smart way. There is too many harsh posts on this thread.

There was some very good advice up thread. The advice would be to wake DH up and talk to him. Remind him that children, dog and lunch are not cancelled just because work is cancelled and you needn't be sorting all of it yourself. Alternatively, when he wakes up tell him as he had a lie in today you would like the same tomorrow. Or that you need a break now so please can he take over so you get some time. Whichever. Communicating this will help set a boundary in case he thinks about doing similar again. Basically doing a disappearing act is quite passive aggressive and unhelpful. Moreso I would say than sleeping, as at least OP knows where he is and could easily have addressed this with him.

Manchester1990 · 11/03/2023 09:42

Your dog clearly the needs to go. But harsh that you made the dog wait so long.

your husbands rubbish.

WimbyAce · 11/03/2023 09:45

Stuff like this only happens if you have enabled it for so long. You need to nip it in the bud. Always useful to do a role reversal and think would I have done this. Never in a million years would a woman have shoved off back to bed leaving the man working with 2 children at home. The fact that he actually thinks this is ok means you need to have a conversation with him and set some boundaries. What is he like the rest of the time?

Zuffe · 11/03/2023 09:46

Bit of snow and the country goes to pot. At least the person serving at Costa was getting some work done.

The dog has an excuse.

Maireas · 11/03/2023 09:50

More importantly, you need to model relationship behaviour for your children. What will their expectations be, and what will they consider the norm?.

pinkyredrose · 11/03/2023 10:22

maddy68 · 10/03/2023 15:57

Tell him you need help ?

Yep that's what every woman wants, a man who needs to be told to 'help' with his own household and children. 🙄

LuckySantangelo35 · 11/03/2023 10:24

GoodChat · 10/03/2023 14:28

It's not funny to think about your kids worrying, to be fair.

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@GoodChat

youre absolutely right! She should get herself home right NOW! And start cleaning and tidying up after everyone again.

GoodChat · 11/03/2023 10:25

Yeah that's exactly what I said @LuckySantangelo35.

jemimapuddlepluck · 11/03/2023 10:28

PoseyFlump · 11/03/2023 08:55

'She repeatedly said she has to keep her work phone with her which suggests she works for someone else.'

No it doesn't. She could be self employed with clients. She can clearly pop out whenever she wants. In which case she may have been able to give herself the day off. Which is why I asked what she normally does with her day.

The problem here, as always, is communication.

Playing devils advocate, the OP might only work two hours a day and her youngest being ten, kids are usually at school etc. Her husband has a physically demanding job as a roofing contractor. Stop being passive aggressive to each other and talk.

Why does this matter? Why are men always excused from everyday life because they work "physically demanding" jobs? Can you answer that? If you choose to have kids, you don't get to spend the morning in bed and it blows my mind that women excuse this. It wouldn't even be a thing in my house, he would be up doing something! It's not even spoken about 🙄oh and my DH has one of those there "physically demanding" jobs. I've got up this morning to a walked dog and empty house, I think hes gone shopping. So why did you even mention that?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/03/2023 10:44

He should have been up, but if your youngest DC is 10 then you should be able to get on and do your stuff without constant interruption.

WimbyAce · 11/03/2023 11:19

jemimapuddlepluck · 11/03/2023 10:28

Why does this matter? Why are men always excused from everyday life because they work "physically demanding" jobs? Can you answer that? If you choose to have kids, you don't get to spend the morning in bed and it blows my mind that women excuse this. It wouldn't even be a thing in my house, he would be up doing something! It's not even spoken about 🙄oh and my DH has one of those there "physically demanding" jobs. I've got up this morning to a walked dog and empty house, I think hes gone shopping. So why did you even mention that?

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Yep agree with this. In my opinion women work just as hard if not harder than their men folk with everything they have to juggle. Never any excuses for us, we just get on with it. Don't be an enabler.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 11/03/2023 11:24

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/03/2023 10:44

He should have been up, but if your youngest DC is 10 then you should be able to get on and do your stuff without constant interruption.

That was my thought too - I assumed they were much younger from the OP. If the OP is supposed to be working, I would expect children aged 10 and over to be able to get on with any schoolwork and then entertain themselves for a couple of hours.

katepilar · 11/03/2023 11:35

WimbyAce · 11/03/2023 11:19

Yep agree with this. In my opinion women work just as hard if not harder than their men folk with everything they have to juggle. Never any excuses for us, we just get on with it. Don't be an enabler.

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Thats the thing, yes, women had to do more in order to get out of their homes into the work world a hundred years ago or so. In fact they had to do their job on top of all household and childcare stuff which used to be a full time job. And kind of still is even with all the appliances we've got.