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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? OH in bed since being sent home due to snow!

109 replies

Theeffingcleaner · 10/03/2023 13:17

I’m so annoyed, got my 2 dc at home due to snow so both schools closed , having to do online lessons or planned work.OH sent home this morning as he couldn’t work due to bad weather(roofing contractor) so he’s decided to go back to bed. Me on the other hand am trying to help my youngest with school work, being called numerous times I walk out of room by youngest, trying to get my own bits of work done, older child complaining WiFi is lagging, dog wanting to go for his walk and won’t leave me alone, along with housework that needs sorting, washing that needs to be hung so it can dry, dc needing to be fed lunch, while my OH has been fast asleep snoring his bloody head off for the last 3 and half hours. I am tempted to blast radio to get the lazy fucker up to help me out.Rant done with,apologies in advance 🤬

OP posts:
Original poster
Theeffingcleaner · 10/03/2023 14:07

Oh the joy of sitting in costa on a rubbish day!! Wondering what my dc are thinking as mum has done a disappearing act, only gone to get some milk apparently 🤣

OP posts:
GoodChat · 10/03/2023 14:28

Theeffingcleaner · 10/03/2023 14:07

Oh the joy of sitting in costa on a rubbish day!! Wondering what my dc are thinking as mum has done a disappearing act, only gone to get some milk apparently 🤣

It's not funny to think about your kids worrying, to be fair.

justasking111 · 10/03/2023 14:34

I've gone to the cinema, once bought a KFC sat on the beach eating it. When I got home nothing was said. Sometimes you need to escape

MamTDM · 10/03/2023 14:37

If mine had pulled a stunt like that, he'd have had a handful of snow down the back of his pyjama top to encourage him out of bed!

CleaningOutMyCloset · 10/03/2023 14:51

If he asks you where you've been when you get home, tell him

'I've been to costa to have break, as you think it's ok to lie in bed and leave everything to me, you can cook tea and wash up too tonight, I've done more than my fair share M'

Curiosity101 · 10/03/2023 14:53

There's a huge issue with communication in your house. I think you'd all benefit from addressing it.

You taking time for yourself without speaking to your partner is absolutely no different to him doing it. He chose to go and sleep without discussing or agreeing it with you, therefore leaving you to solo parent for an undisclosed amount of time.

You've arguably lied and deceived him on purpose to get some time to yourself. Leaving him as the solo parent for an undisclosed amount of time. And the kids also don't know where you've gone or for how long.

I get that he did something wrong first. But two wrongs don't make a right. It would be clear to most reasonable people that if you're working and he isn't then he probably should be taking charge of parenting today - but if he's not doing that then you need to set clear expectations and communicate clearly. "I've been trying all morning to work whilst homeschooling the kids. I'm incredibly annoyed that you chose to come home and sleep without speaking to me so we could agree on how we could best tackle today and caring for the kids together. I'm now really stressed and we're running low on milk. I'm going to go to the shop and then take 40minutes in Costa to decompress. I'll be back in 1 hour and once I've calmed down I'd like us to talk about a plan for the rest of the day" etc etc.

If you communicate your needs (however blatantly obvious we think they are) and he continues to actively ignore them with no good reason then maybe he's not the best role model for your kids 😕

OnlyFannys · 10/03/2023 14:56

Throw a snowball at him

Excited101 · 10/03/2023 15:20

Good for you op!

as for your children ‘worrying’ 🙄 them wondering is not the same as them worrying, they’ll be fine. They have a ‘capable’ parent at home…

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 10/03/2023 15:20

GoodChat · 10/03/2023 14:28

It's not funny to think about your kids worrying, to be fair.

Show quote history

She didn’t say they were ‘worrying’. Their deeply lazy but presumably competent father is there, what’s the problem?

GoodChat · 10/03/2023 15:34

@Doesthepopeshitinthewoods if a kids thinking "has mom done a disappearing act?" they'd be worried

Original poster
Theeffingcleaner · 10/03/2023 15:37

I said I was popping out for milk so how is that lying and then going into Costa ? Costa is on same road as shop we normally use to get top up bits during the week, was merely out 45 minutes
Tbf my youngest was the only one that asked had I bought her anything, other than that the OH is now being as nice as anything to me when I have reminded him that it is the weekend and I am definitely having a lie in on Sunday to compensate his actions, he has also suggested take out for tonight !
clearly very sorry indeed!!
at least I get out of cooking tonight bonus👍

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 10/03/2023 15:39

Seems like some kind of result.

Has the dog had a walk, did he come to Costa with you?

BCBird · 10/03/2023 15:40

What a lazy shit.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/03/2023 15:41

Theeffingcleaner · 10/03/2023 14:07

Oh the joy of sitting in costa on a rubbish day!! Wondering what my dc are thinking as mum has done a disappearing act, only gone to get some milk apparently 🤣

You need childfree time as a matter of course, here, not just in response to his incompetence. It should be entirely normal to your children for you to go out and them to be with dad regularly.

Rosula · 10/03/2023 15:42

For any reasonable Dad, a snow day is a great chance to play outside with the children. Very odd that this didn't occur to him.

Original poster
Theeffingcleaner · 10/03/2023 15:43

LlynTegid · 10/03/2023 15:39

Seems like some kind of result.

Has the dog had a walk, did he come to Costa with you?

Dog been walked by him and also my youngest
No I went to costa on my own.

OP posts:
alittleadvicepls · 10/03/2023 15:45

I swear men are just so oblivious (or selfish?!) sometimes!! Glad you managed some alone time!

Original poster
Theeffingcleaner · 10/03/2023 15:48

GoodChat

I was clearly putting it in a jokey way disappearing act, usually I take my youngest (10yrs) child with me whenever I go out anywhere i.e weekends as she likes to go to shops and have a nosey around for things to buy out of her pocket money

OP posts:
maddy68 · 10/03/2023 15:57

Tell him you need help ?

Original poster
Theeffingcleaner · 10/03/2023 15:57

alittleadvicepls · 10/03/2023 15:45

I swear men are just so oblivious (or selfish?!) sometimes!! Glad you managed some alone time!

my OH can be so oblivious at times, I know he has at times a very hard demanding working day depending on what time he has to get up , sometimes 5 am and then not back in till 6/7pm on evenings but to be in bed like he was even after a full nights of sleep, that’s what wound me up today the most🤬

yes it was nice to just have 45 mins to myself thank you,and I am definitely making sure he is up on Sunday with kids

OP posts:
Isthisit22 · 10/03/2023 16:01

rainbpwcupboards · 10/03/2023 13:22

Wake him up, why are you tolerating this shit?

This

Embelline · 10/03/2023 16:07

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz she could, I wasn’t expressing an opinion on her actions, just explaining my take on what she had done to another poster who seemed to be questioning her on that point. I should have tagged them to be clear.

853ax · 10/03/2023 16:22

He wanted to sleep a while, you wanted to go off for coffee.
Not sure you justified being angry with him wanting to go back to bed. Do you think he is now angry with you for going off out for coffee and he in the house, if so where does the angry cycle end?

Overthebloodymoon · 10/03/2023 16:34

He sounds so incredibly lazy. Why were the kids your responsibility by default? What would have happened if you’d decided to go for a little sleep as well? He’s plain rude! There were dads where we are out with their children from 7:30 playing in the snow this morning. That’s what I’d want from a life partner!

WimbyAce · 10/03/2023 16:38

What a lazy f#cker. Sorry I would not be having any of that.

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