Would you be a SAHP to pre-schoolers if you were financially independent?

[Kitchenette]

Not super-rich but say you had enough capital to pay yourself an income for life equal to your full time earnings.

I’m always interested in SAHP threads on here and the various very reasonable objections people raise to it- that you’re making yourself vulnerable financially while also putting too great a strain on the paid working partner. But say we took money out of it- would you prefer to stay at home or go to work? For the purposes of the poll it’s a binary choice (of course IRL the best answer for many of us would be to work PT).

YABU- I would prefer to be in paid employment
YANBU- I would prefer to be a SAHP

Me- I’ve had periods of SAHM, FT and PT work since my children were born. Binary choice with pre-school children and no money worries-I’d be at home, no question.

Do you really think you are a sahm if your kids are in high school?
Well I'm a mum and I'm at home, but maybe there are rules about the terminology - sorry!

One of my children is still in school, what’s wrong with SAHM? Once she’s at uni I may change my title to ‘retired’. 😜

There’s no rules, just some people get weird about this topic. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks @RedDirtWildChild
It does seem to be a touchy subject doesn't it!

This is an odd response and I can't see anything in my initial post that warrants it. In fact, I say quite clearly that I imagine the best answer for many of us would be to work part time, but you only get two options in an AIBU poll.

I'm not a SAHM- I'm a corporate lawyer- and have no interest in showing that other women want to do anything in particular. I'm genuinely interested in how people feel about this. When SAHPing is discussed, people often point out the financial disadvantages and the difficulty of having a family with only one working parent in the current economic environment, so I'm interested in how people view being a SAHM absent those disadvantages. What would women (on average) prefer? What would an economy look like that took account of women's preferences? Should government be thinking of ways of helping us back into the workplace or helping us stay at home for longer, or both? This stuff seems much more interesting to me than trying to show that all women want to do X or Y, when clearly the reality is much more complex.

My youngest is about to graduate high school and will be going to college.
Guess what?!I will then become a HOMEMAKER!
I have been blessed in my life to be home with my children and have zero regrets.And next part of my life will be about my husband,home,myself and whatever else I choose.
It's sad that other women feel so comfortable with disrespecting others because they have chosen to raise their children differently.
It's not about you,it's about our own families and what's right for us.

I was a SAHM to a toddler, just gone back to work. Would have gone back sooner but Covid/homeschooling and cost of childcare were prohibitive and DH's work is tough to work around...

I don't actually enjoy full time with preschoolers... Boring. Ideal world would be part time, 3 or 4 days around nursery, which is what I have now. I don't enjoy messy play or art so it's good to delegate that fun!

@RedDirtWildChild
I meant to @ OheeOheeOh.

Even if money were no issue I couldn't think of anything worse for me personally than being a SAHM. So I would continue to work.

@IAmTheWalrus85

The more interesting question is would your kids dad be a sahd of you were financially secure

And if you wouldn't want him to, why not?

I think it comes from a place of insecurity about their choices. Being a SAHM really seems to piss some people off. Not my problem.

I do think my partner would laugh if I called myself a homemaker though...we’ve had a cleaner for years and we outsource everything we don’t like doing. I’ve had nasty comments about that too. Again, not my problem and I have zero fucks to give.

@Kitchenette

Wny should the govt fund women (or anyone) to not work?

But having sufficient capital that it could generate a guaranteed income equivalent to your current salary for the rest of your life would make you very rich (particularly if you earn a decent salary). Not just financially secure but probably a high net worth individual. So I don’t really see the point of the question. It’s not like there’s much other than a lottery win that could put a woman (or a man for that matter) in this situation.

But no, if I had that kind of capital I wouldn’t carry on working. I wouldn’t expect my husband to carry on working either.

I would have loved to be a SAHM... was totally gutted it wasn't possible.

I enjoy my job. I’d ideally work 3 days per week. I currently work 4 and I’d still chose that over being at home all the time. But if I could drop to 3 that would be the perfect balance.

There are so, so many variables to this which people never realise or think about.

In the grand scheme I’d prefer to work part time. I still want to see my DC and I think it’s important for them and their development obviously.

What I didn’t want to and now don’t do is work in a job that takes and takes from me both in terms of time (having to work far over and above my contracted hours) and emotionally/mentally (very high pressured + toxic colleagues + constantly pushing against the patriarchy) and for which after childcare and petrol I came out with pocket money. Not worth it. Being at home is much better, but I would really love a job in my field that offers part time hours and which I like and where people aren’t aresholes!!

Sigh @OheeOheeOh I left a career and a 50k a yr role (I expect you’ll tell me you earn more of course but I definitely was not earning minimum wage). I had to leave because they weren’t able to offer me 4 days and more flexible working to be able to pick DC up at 6:30. DH’s role is very full on and he works away a lot as part of this role so I had to be able to pick DC. His salary was more than 3 x times mine so cutting back was not and option for us!

I also wanted to spend some time with them. I went into a smaller pick up pit down role part time but it was bullshit and not worth missing out on my child growing up for. So some have us have left careers behind.

I am exceptionally lazy and I think getting paid for staying at home doing very little sounds great! Count me in as a yes and please arrange this for me asap

There is a massive difference though - I cited a peer reviewed study carried out by a well recognised education institution, and they cited a mummy blogger

There really isnt. You cited a flawed and nonsense study that was steered to prove their narrative and she cited someone elses opinion that was steered to prove their narraitve.
There are other studies that suggest the same as the blogger, again by people steering their narrative. All a load of tosh.

I would love to be a SAHP with no financial difficulty. I would put DC in nursery twice per week though so that I could have time to do jobs around the house and take a bit of time for myself.

And I was only doing it to disprove her crock of shit claims, I don’t actually care what anyone else does, but I do care about judgemental people who share blog posts as “research” to try to put others down

So you wanted to reduce the judgement placed on women by promoting another study/research that judges and pulls down a massive amount of women.

Its good you don't care what others do. The more women stop dragging each other down for their choices, the better.

I have a healthy passive income and I'm a sahm to one baby and a Reception age DD. My days are pretty busy, the baby doesn't nap consistently and I like to keep her busy with activities so I'm out of the house every morning, going to baby classes. Loads to do with babies and schoolkids around here, including theatre and concerts designed for under 5s, so I'd regret missing out on taking them if I were working. I don't stay at home and organise my own activities for her - there are loads of private classes for messy play, gym, music etc. You just pay and turn up and don't have to tidy up the mess.

I love taking both DDs out during school holidays- exploring new places and also just trips out near us in London. Other working mums around here have nannies who take their kids to similar things - but I genuinely enjoy going with them rather than seeing it as a chore for someone else to do, so I'd feel sad to not be doing it even if my DC weren't missing out.

I have no plans to return to work. I know the children won't need me as much when they're older, but then I'd see their school hours as time to fill with my own hobbies and sports, not time in an office. The only downside is that there's a bit of stigma to being a sahm, or people will simply assume you work. I do run a limited company which is really just a hobby - if I need to do "work talk" to fit in socially then I mention that. I don't talk about my side income at all to anyone so people just assume that DH is the only earner (my income actually brings in more than his salary).

If money were no object then definitely. Once those few years are gone, they're gone forever.

Yip still a sahm. No school care needed, no breakfast clubs, no grandparents collecting the kids and giving them their dinner or playing taxi taking them to numerous clubs.

It’s completely different to being a sahm parent when they were babies and when i never got a break. This way i can do the shopping during the day, keep the house tidy, help out at school events and trips as well as go to the gym or for coffee. The “me time” is owed after the years of it being constant.

You can call me whatever you like if you have a problem with sahm. Lady of leisure? Lazy bitch? I couldn’t care less. worked hard for a career that i’ve sacrificed (for various reasons) but we’ve claimed anything & my husband works hard, earning a decent wage to support us and & it still works as we’re all happy.

If or when i chose i to return to employment it will be because it’s the right thing for me & not because someone somewhere has an issue with me being “unemployed” whilst my kids are at school 🙄

Never claimed anything*