DS ran his hand down my plaited hair and said it felt nice. I said that his hair is now long enough, would he like a plait? DS said yes, one down each side of his head.
It was bedtime and we were in his room. He is 9. We were having a giggle.
DH walks in to read story and looks at DS. He is obviously not happy and throws me a look that could kill.
Atmosphere completely changes. DH says "you have issues." He pretty much spits these words out at me. DS immediately takes plaits out.
DH continues to tell me I have issues and then clarifies to DS that he doesn't mean him but he means mummy. "Mummy has issues". Again he spoke with such disgust.
I told DS that his hair was now knot free and smooth to try to say something nice. I tucked him in and said goodnight. I left his bedroom.
DH reappeared into lounge later and I told him that he wasn't to speak to me like that in front of DS, and especially in son's bedroom. He already knows we argue elsewhere so could we at least respect his own bedroom and keep our marital problems out of his space.
DH said he was mortified that I instigated the plaits and said I have major issues and was trying to express my desire for a daughter on my son. I have NEVER said I'd like or prefer a daughter and this isn't how I feel anyway.
He said he hates all this gender fluid woke bullshit and wants his son to be raised in his image! He said I've raised our children too wet and have always resisted against him shouting at them.
I said that plaiting sons hair isn't a big deal and there was no harm in him trying something out.
I said I've never even mentioned gender or stereotypes around hair to DS. Lots of boys at his school have longish hair tied up.
Anyway DH was furious and made me feel like I'd done something disgusting to our son. He even said that me suggesting plaits was inappropriate.
I said we'd have to agree to disagree and moving on, you can't speak to me like that in front of him and if he was so appalled then he would have spoken to me in the lounge and not in DS room.
He brought up a load of other times that we've argued and I eventually got him to agree that we don't have an argument or cross word with each other in our children's bedrooms.
The AIBU isn't about how he spoke to me. I already know he was completely unreasonable to speak to me the way he did in front of our child (or at all but that's another thing).
AIBU to plait my son's hair? Am I a freak with major issues as my DH tells me I am? He also said I am a twat and a weirdo.
I honestly don't see any harm in plaiting DS's hair to see what it's like. I will always let the kids try out whatever they like. Thank you reading as it's a long one. I feel very sad about how different our parenting styles have become.