New man fined for coke possession a few years ago

[Antidrug40]

I've been seeing a lovely man for a few months now & all seemed to be going great. He's not met my children but I thought this one could potentially have a long term future.
Until, as my title says, I found out that a few years ago he got a fine for cocaine possession. This has completely floored me as drugs is a big no no for me. He's never disclosed this fact to me but I know it's true as I was shown a newspaper report by someone. He shows no signs of drug taking now so maybe it's just a past mistake.
Could you get past this? Everyone has a past & has made mistakes in their lives. Most of us deserve a second chance; but I am struggling. What if he starts using again? He lives in a city where there has been drug related violence involving dealers. My imagination is working over time. He could end up using & involved with dealers in some way. I have my children to think about so any future man can't have baggage like this. Am I over reacting & running the risk of throwing a potentially good relationship away?

He shouldn't meet your kids for another good few months anyway and he should only meet your kids if you know you can trust him 100% and really that takes years.

You need to decide what you will and won't put up with and then test any man against that, but what we tend to do is deal with things as and when they pop up leaving us open to persuasion and disaster.

So, I would suggest you ask yourself and answer honestly as if you were not with anyone; would I accept someone who was prone to using cocaine?/Likes cocaine/is not on the same page as me around drugs?

If the answer is no then dump this man now. If it's yes then it's all good but still speak to him and also make sure you consider everything else now too before other things crop up.

Yes, this was my thought. Being pressured into doing it by mates as a teen is one thing, but a forty year old should know better. I would have lost all respect for him the minute I found out, it's grim.

I think his relationship history will give a clue to why he is single.

Someone being done for possession mid 40s - has likely had a caution.

They also have likely evolved this habit over decades - there could well be debt and MH issues that he is wrestling with - and became too much for previous partners.

Trust me I know enough about drugs and dealers and they probably suspected him of dealing which he was probably doing, but not enough proof so they convicted him of this.

And doing it in his mid 40s is very sad.

I know of at least 2 men of similar ages who’ve either died from coke or other drugs addictions (heart attacks etc) or committed suicide due to it, in past recent few years.

No need for any of this ‘Build a Bear/Man’ nonsense. Just dump him ASAP and be done.

You’ve answered your own question. It’s definitely a no brainer and esp. as you have children.