Comments about ethnicity?

[smashin]

I am English and work with people from other ethnicities and sometimes they assume I’m another ethnicity. I’ve had a mix of things. I don’t know why. I’m assuming it’s because I have brown eyes but that’s not really out of the ordinary is it?

I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say/react as some are properly insistent I must be from a different country and it does get dragged into an awkward long conversation about my appearance. They think I’m X and when I say I’m not, they’re like “where are you really from” “what country are your parents from” etc. I wouldn’t say this happens often, but it’s often enough that I find it annoying. Aibu?

I work with the public with complex needs so it’s not colleagues. I also work in a predominantly “BAME” area with people that might not speak English so try and write it off as a cultural thing but every time it does make me think FFS. One service user randomly told my colleague they were looking for “Y ethnicity person” and no one knew who they were on about. 20 minutes later out it was me. Then that turned into a conversation about my appearance!

why does it bother you? It sounds like a total non issue to me

Initially I didn’t think twice. I just think it’s a build up of incidents where I now feel like “here we go again”. I don’t get why my ethnicity needs to be a topic of discussion anyway, particularly at work

o just let it go! Especially if you are working with people with "complex needs". It doesn't matter

Laugh it off. You can say your ethnicity and if they say you’re wrong, laugh it off and reply “ I think I know where I’m from!” And end the conversation. Don’t let it get to you, use humour to brush it off.

Hi Op
I sort of see what you mean, but I would let it go,
Don't be over sensitivity about it,

Have you ever looked into finding out about your family roots and ethnicity?

You be susprised how many twists and turns it will taken you

How fascinating it will be too,

You might find about way further back in history you have interesting colourful characters in your family,

Also ethnicity you think you are, you may find way back in history as lots of people did immigration for all sorts of reasons,
You might find there is something more to your ethnicity than ethnicity you thought there was too,
It may be certain people can see something about you, that suggests your Ancestors way way back in history
Through emigration camd from other places than were you though came from,

And finding out about social history about this.

My son gets this quite a bit. He has very dark hair and brown eyes. He is a Celt who missed out on the traditional blue eyes.

@smashin

Come on , build up of incidents, !!! the way you saying it,
It sounds as if they are saying cultral slurs on your ethnicity or something 🤔

Oops typo mistake
I ment suggest Ancestors way back in history came from ect

Agree
that must be really annoying.

If you’re interested look into your family tree/gene stuff as above. If you’re not, just laugh it off and say “oh yeah, a lot of people ask me that but as far as I know my family are just from boring old x/y/z. Maybe way back someone was from somewhere a bit more exotic, or my great great grandma had an affair with a sailor or something,,who knows?” And just shrug.

I know a couple of Greek people who are sometimes mistaken as Indian because of their dark colouring. They just think it’s funny.

My DD gets this alot as she has unusually dark eyes. The other kids at her 'ethnically mixed London school frequently ask her if she has an Asian heritage. We found out from one of those DNA tests that DH has Iranian heritage from way back. Maybe you have a mixed background somewhere? I'd just have a one line answer ready and leave it at that.

How is it ok to insist that someone is not ‘from here?’ Ffs I can’t believe anyone thinks this is ok, but then it’s MN I suppose. YANBU, and no you don’t have to say ‘who knows, maybe etc just say - I’m English (Scottish Welsh, Irish?!) and change the subject.

Typo mistake
I ment to say
You may find tracing your families heritages roots etc, and doing a Dna tests,

You may be susprised what you find out , and find out what you orginally thought your ethnicity is,
that way back in history,
there is a more to just that, and you find out Ancestors way way back come from other places,

It's a popular pastime people do nowadays cause of TV programmes like Who do you think,
About well known people in media and their families heritage /learning about their social history of Ancestors

Has the OP indicated in any way that she feels it is interesting that people think she’s not British, or that she wishes to find out about her ancestry? I’m wondering because I feel like I’m reading a different thread to everybody else.

How is it ok to insist that someone is not ‘from here?’ Ffs I can’t believe anyone thinks this is ok, but then it’s MN I suppose. YANBU

this

those DNA tests mean nothing

why is it remotely important? Is is a total non issue

of course it’s a bloody issue

the queens lady in waiting hit the headlines with a not dissimilar story just a few months ago. People not accepting your answer is essentially a way of saying that they do not accept you as ‘one of them’ and that is important. And rude.

Of course it’s a non issue to you, it’s not happening to you!
mid I told someone I’m English and they said no, where are you really from, and I said England and they said ‘well where are your parents from…’ hmmm I think this has been in the news recently! It’s racist and unnecessary.

@Havealovelydaytoday thank you for that. I have noticed it’s the same users posting on this thread multiple times too.

like I already know my family’s background. I don’t need a heritage test. There’s nothing wrong with my appearance, brown eyes aren’t unusual.

@AmIThatMam yes it’s that exact sequence of questions! It does feel like a way to “other” you doesn’t it? sometimes it’s followed by something dumb like “but you’re too pretty to be English, are you sure?” - almost like people expect me to be exotic and are disappointed I’m not. Meanwhile I’m at work just trying to do my job. I don’t get this race commentary in my personal life.

“where are you really from”

No one should be asking this. It's 2023. We should be better than this.

:) I used to have something similar when I lived in Australia. No idea why! All my friends were Asian or Eastern European, and never believed I was English! Apparently I didn't come across as English. Never got to the bottom of how an English person is supposed to come across! I have an English accent, blue eyes. But everyone thought I was Eastern European! To be honest, I quite enjoyed it times!

I think phrasing it as “where are you really from?” Or “where are your parents from?” is bang out of order. OP could be adopted or anything.

But when it’s a BAME environment, as OP describes it, people of all ethnicities tend to find other’s cultures interesting. They like to talk about “home” countries or extended family back home in my experience. I would think it more unusual to get annoyed by questions like that, if it’s part of friendly chit chat by all types of ethnicities. Just coolly stating “I’m English” and frowning or making it clear you won’t discuss it further in any way is, I feel, a little bit abrasive, particularly amongst people with complex needs some of whom may be quite direct in their approach, as you must know. Just a shrug, a laugh, and a “not as far as I know/ maybe great Great grandad was, who knows” makes it clear that you don’t see the question as particularly relevant and their assumption is probably incorrect.

But if you are so insistent on correcting them and making sure they must absolutely know that you are not of the ethnicity they think you are, to the extent of appearing fed up/annoyed about it, then it also could give the impression that you think there is something wrong with that particular ethnicity. and that is racist in itself, isn’t it?

No, the ‘something wrong’ is the OPs answer not being accepted.

Are you me OP? Except I am BAME though and I don't mind people asking where I am from.

This is part of the problem in UK people aren't very aware of what race someone is because it's a bit of a taboo question and I know some people would rather nit be asked because they feel judged which I can understand also.

If you work within a BAME culture though you need to get on board with the culture. A LOT of people that are from a BAME background will say things like "who's your dad" or what's your surname... I wouldn't be offended at all OP. Only you know if it's being said in a negative context?? I think its not though... and your post has made me laugh... perhaps the community obviously like you and feel you fit 👀in 😅

Yes this. It's 'othering' and not acceptable.