Comments about ethnicity?

[smashin]

I am English and work with people from other ethnicities and sometimes they assume I’m another ethnicity. I’ve had a mix of things. I don’t know why. I’m assuming it’s because I have brown eyes but that’s not really out of the ordinary is it?

I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say/react as some are properly insistent I must be from a different country and it does get dragged into an awkward long conversation about my appearance. They think I’m X and when I say I’m not, they’re like “where are you really from” “what country are your parents from” etc. I wouldn’t say this happens often, but it’s often enough that I find it annoying. Aibu?

I work with the public with complex needs so it’s not colleagues. I also work in a predominantly “BAME” area with people that might not speak English so try and write it off as a cultural thing but every time it does make me think FFS. One service user randomly told my colleague they were looking for “Y ethnicity person” and no one knew who they were on about. 20 minutes later out it was me. Then that turned into a conversation about my appearance!

Just because the op is white doesn’t mean it can’t be rude, inappropriate and annoying

@CurlyhairedAssassin agree with you. I find cultures interesting too!

I get it all the time.... I've had people run up to me at work and ask me if I can translate for them and repeatly ask me too despite me saying NO. I've had a Somalian lady think I was Somalian like herself and she had been wondered why I had not been saying good morning to her in "our language" I was utterly shocked..... but I am GLAD she spoke up because I explained to her I am not Somalian but my mum is mixed race and my dad is black and we DO have similar skin tones!

I guess if these conversations don't take place both of you are non the wiser....

The OP hasn’t said she is white. She said she is English. That isn’t an ethnicity . That people often assume she is X/y/z ethnicity.

actually I’m surprised at how OP described herself, working in a BAME community. Perhaps that is the whole point of the thread, to discuss people’s prejudices?

i guess if these conversations don't take place both of you are non the wiser....

yes, this. When conversation amongst communities of multiple ethnicities ABOUT ethnicity and heritage is easy and natural, with non-racist connotations, and forms part of every day social exchanges, without any offence either intended OR taken, then perhaps that is true sign of a multi-racial community living at ease with each other.

Race and ethnicity can be a difficult subject to discuss, but in general I would say that refusing to accept someone’s response is extremely arrogant and is frustrating for the person in receipt of it. I realise that the OP is working with people with complex needs who may be doing this unintentionally but like anything, it doesn’t mean it’s less irritating. If I’m working with someone with additional needs who lashes out, then I’m not going to blame them personally, but I can still think ‘ow, that bloody hurt!’

I’ve had a lifetime of this, not quite in the same context but accent related, and there is nothing like making you feel you don’t belong and aren’t really accepted than people making a huge fuss about how you look and/or how you speak.

dS1 has olive skin which tans very easily, brown eyes and dark brown hair. People often assume he’s mixed race

And I think a lot of the people who are insisting that it’s just a bit of a chuckle, why not find out about your ancestry, are probably the sort of annoying idiots who park themselves next to you on a bus or train, start asking you questions like you’re being cross examined on the stand and then when rebuffed mutter about only being FRIENDLY …

Op wrote I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say/react as some are properly insistent I must be from a different country and it does get dragged into an awkward long conversation about my appearance.

in response to this some people offered advice about what she/he could say or react like in future.

No, people kept wittering about her researching her ethnicity!

I have had this since the 1960s when it was unusual to be mixed race . I just put my dark hair down to my Irish heritage on my mum’s side . I only found out about my biological father after mum died . He was Asian . To be honest the questions never bothered me . It was nice to be different.

The 'where are you really from' threads come up every week on MN.

Why don't you have a look at them? There are plenty

There's really no need to wake up at 4am in the morning to write this.

And yes, you are probably overthinking it and people mean no harm

Who actually do you think you are to tell someone what time and what topics they can discuss on MN?

Arrogant or what

I am white British and get this quite a lot as I'm dark-haired and olive-skinned. It doesn't bother me but I think that's because I'm white so it's non-threatening. I can completely get how it could be threatening, or at least othering to someone who did have a mixed heritage.

It's rude to ask about ethnic origin, but still common. I refuse to give any answer on principle. They are trying to fit you into their stereotypes and I'm not playing that game.

Big smile and 'not up for discussion, thanks'!

@Havealovelydaytoday

Wow
I have forgotten its the Age or era of should be known/ Called as Weird Times, !

When people get Offended by Anything and Everything these days,

When people should be fearful of asking any innocent questions in case they should be put under the ever watchful eye of thought police ,

George Orwell 84 ,

people can be naturally just curious about well people in general,

I get, it could be irritating to be asked about ethnicity several times,
(People can curiosity Nosey,

Sometimes some People are irritating that's just life,

But too Assume everyone is a Racist Bigot, like Alf Garrnet fictional TV character programme from 70s,
Just cause they enquire about Op@smashin ethnicity is,

And I come from a cultral background where my Ancestors and people in history from my cultural heritage have suffered racial persecution and Slavely well documented, for a long time,
Several hundred years,

And I have experienced racial prejudice incidents and even in some countries even present day people from my cultral heritage still suffer from racial persecution, even from police, who turn a blind eye or actually have been actually been involved in racial prejudice, hate crime attacks

I am of British /welsh African Caribbean heritage

Curly "But when it’s a BAME environment, as OP describes it, people of all ethnicities tend to find other’s cultures interesting. They like to talk about “home” countries or extended family back home in my experience. I would think it more unusual to get annoyed by questions like that, if it’s part of friendly chit chat by all types of ethnicities. Just coolly stating “I’m English” and frowning or making it clear you won’t discuss it further in any way is, I feel, a little bit abrasive"

I don't find it particularly linked to BAME envirinmemts - hate those terms too - and I intend to be abrasive when I point out I'm English. Nosey parkers usually persist unless you are cool or abrasive.

I might actually say this to people, that's a good one.

You can't walk around with a chip on your shoulder like that.

What about 2 people with very similar skin tones do you still feel people are stereotyping?

I get it must get frustrating. But OP are you frustrated because you don’t feel you should be asked this because you are from the UK? And that you’re being othered in your own country? Are you saying it would be ok if your heritage was from different country of origin/race? Am confused.

that is a silly thing to say - you don't know if it happens to me or not

It does happen to me

I don't care - like I said - total non issue

I get it a lot, my heritage is mixed bag and I have the Middle Eastern & Mediterranean looks from my roots my accent is also a bit odd so I’m always being questioned about where I’m from. I also get told I look exotic or mysterious and sometimes it really doesn’t feel like a compliment so I understand why it can feel frustrating at times.

If they're direct in their approach then they'd understand directness more than the typical smile in their face and post about them online later.

By direct, I don't mean being rude. Just be clear that the questions make you uncomfortable or you find them inappropriate and no longer wish to argue about where you're from after you've told them.

But I'm wondering with all the "They're BAME" bits and positively replying first to the poster who mentioned Susan Hussey, if this isn't a sort of 'Oh look at the hypocrisy' thread.

In my view there’s nothing wrong with genuinely asking where someone is from, and meaning by that to enquire about their heritage. However if the other person answers or appears uncomfortable it would be time to change the subject. Not argue that they don’t know where they are from 🙄

Why can't we feel like that? Yes, I am annoyed when people try to "other" me.

What's the "two people" question about please?