Comments about ethnicity?

[smashin]

I am English and work with people from other ethnicities and sometimes they assume I’m another ethnicity. I’ve had a mix of things. I don’t know why. I’m assuming it’s because I have brown eyes but that’s not really out of the ordinary is it?

I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say/react as some are properly insistent I must be from a different country and it does get dragged into an awkward long conversation about my appearance. They think I’m X and when I say I’m not, they’re like “where are you really from” “what country are your parents from” etc. I wouldn’t say this happens often, but it’s often enough that I find it annoying. Aibu?

I work with the public with complex needs so it’s not colleagues. I also work in a predominantly “BAME” area with people that might not speak English so try and write it off as a cultural thing but every time it does make me think FFS. One service user randomly told my colleague they were looking for “Y ethnicity person” and no one knew who they were on about. 20 minutes later out it was me. Then that turned into a conversation about my appearance!

Do you think it's a bit of a personal/nosey question, especially as it's normally asked by strangers, IME.

Exactly. It's vulgar and intrusive.

Generally people tend to assume I’m the same ethnicity as them. I don’t mind when people assume I’m the ethnicity I am - that’s expected.

I work in public sector and have a diary full with appointments with the public. Back to back 10 minute slots the entire shift. Say I’m a GP. Instead of me being able to get on with my job and help people with the issue they came in with, I get people (mainly men) saying I’m pretty and asking where am I “really” from and following up with loads of questions about my ethnicity ie asking if I’m “sure” I’m English and what my parent’s origin is or what they think I am. As I’m at work, I say “we are here to discuss you, how can I help?” but some are persistent. I’m not flattered. It makes me run behind in my diary cause I still have to spend time helping them after they derail the conversation. Then the next person is fuming with me cause they’re being seen late.

I’m also early 20s in an unpleasant role & don’t want to be seen as shit at work. I’m not naturally assertive. Yesterday a colleague was looking for a staff member of “X” ethnicity for 20 minutes after a service user gave this description. Colleague went around asking managers and security who it could be as no one works here matching that description. Turns out it was me the customer was on about after they pulled up his file. Then the entire office was speaking about me and my appearance in jest. Does feel a bit “othering”. They initially thought I was late seeing him when I wasn’t so it was a bit of a mountain over a molehill.

It's because you're pretty @smashin

My daughter gets this all the time and it drives her crazy, she's 3/4s Irish and still has blue eyes, her hair isn't that dark, it's just brown, but people seem to look at her and wonder ''where are you from?'' and they need to have their curiosity satisfied. She always just says ''here'' and they disagree. It's always men though. Middle aged women can live without knowing where she's from it seems but men need to know.

I get this too. Can't buy houmous without people asking me for the 'family recipe'. Hungarian is the most common, or Italian. I'm not cool enough to be either. I think it's trying to find kinship. I find it useful when I'm abroad. I don't get ripped off. Don't find it annoying at all. I live in a city where very few are 'born and bred'. It's a natural thing for people to ask.

My husband looks Mediterranean, dark hair and natural tanned look. Plus he travels a lot so is tanned as well.
People often ask him where he's from originally, but certainly doesn't bother him.
Often in Spain or Portugal etc he's approached by lovals that hst think he is too.

I am from a different country to where I live. Why do you care that someone asks you where you are from? I don't ? It makes fir interesting conversation

That sounds really difficult OP - almost a way for men, mostly from what you say, to comment /hit on/be inappropriate/unprofessional by using what they think your “ethnicity” is to justify them commenting on your looks. Ironically you then disputing them seems to prolong the conversation because you’re then having to convince them & generate more comparisons/disbelief/advice that you to look into your heritage.
Presumably you say you know you look like you’re x but are not?

Has this ever come up for you prior to working in this job? It doesn’t sound like something you’re used to having to deflect/deal with. Do your clients (for want of a better word) or service users tend to think you are the same ethnicity as them? In which case it might be a way of just wanting to feel:identify with someone on their side (kind of one of us as opposed to them)- especially if you work in the public sector in one of the “authorities”.

Maybe you should ask your manager how to manage it especially if it’s causing you to over run & affecting your performance.

Unfortunately men will always find a way to objectify women & react to our appearance.
When it happens can you try saying listen we’ve only got x minutes then start firing a question at them. I think I would start to get pretty assertive after a while & give them a card with your position and name on, if people routinely have to explain which advisor they saw.

Does it? I find it really dull. But also "othering" because they usually want to imply my skin colour makes me not English. My life is here, my history is here. It reminds me a bit of people who wanted to say President Obama wasn't American.

women are still treated like shit where my grandmother was raised. I am very lucky to be English.

@EmmaEmerald have you read all my posts on this thread? Or do they not fit your narrative that you would like to push?

My example is even two people of similar skin tones may ask each where you are from or assume (mistakenly) keep up with the thread of you are going to respond.

I can see OPS point don't get me wrong. However you sound rather closed minded yourself only agreeing with people who share your one sided view.

Oh and if you want to be PC..... saying your British.... British what though? White British, black British.

I do not know who you are referring to as "we" either.

If it's disrupting the OPs work it's clearly a problem.

In general it's all about context. I work in a very international environment so it's completely normal to talk about our backgrounds and leads to interesting conversations.

But questions about origin can be posed in other ways that are strange. I'm white Irish and have repeatedly been asked if I'm Jewish by other Irish people who then get very defensive when I ask why they would think that given how unlikely it is. Then it's awkward because they are clearly applying some stereotype and don't want to admit it. Frankly I don't think it's the basis for an interesting conversation.

AviMav "My example is even two people of similar skin tones may ask each where you are from or assume (mistakenly) keep up with the thread of you are going to respond."

I'm not going to apologise for needing clarification. If I was rude to everyone who couldn't keep up with a thread, I'd be....a wanker? I might not have seen all replies, I was awake at 4, some posts I have seen but mostly I look at OP posts.

but now you've clarified - I don't like anyone asking, I don't care what colour their skin is.

if you can see OP point, it's strange to me that you think I'm narrow minded, I was agreeing with OP.

@EmmaEmerald no why would it make you a wanker? I did share my opinion and gave my example about myself. Allegyly you didn't read them because you have been awake since 4. However you have had opportunity to read them since you have responded back to me.

You can't control what others ask. Unless it's being said with malice or a nasty undertone I think its a little OT. Yeah I'm sure YOU feel its strange because you seem to be having difficulties viewing both sides of the coin I can understand someone's point of view but ultimately not agree with them...... you should try it.

What did I miss? What have I said that has annoyed you so much?

I can't control what others ask. Did you think there was a new dictatorship coming in under my watch or something? I'm not a politician.

@EmmaEmerald you tagged my post. I simply responded back to you.

I'm not angry and I will repeat who are you referring to as "we"?

I didn't tell you or OP how to feel. What I said was you can't walk around with a chip on your shoulder to another poster. I'm not upset.. and I am BAME myself.... so as for your "we" 🙄

You have stated you don't like people asking about your ethnic origin. You are the one that is upset... personally unless someone is being derogatory I don't always mind!

Avi my "we" was me and the poster I quoted.

I thought you were just attacking me for entertainment but I see you've misinterpreted the "up at 4" comment to "up since 4" so perhaps there are genuine misunderstandings here.

others have agreed with OP. You don't seem to be angry with them, just me.

@EmmaEmerald I'm not angry at you nor your posts. You took it upon yourself to comment on my posts FIRST. I just replied back to you.

This isn't an argument because you are entitled to your opinion as am I. Let's just agree to disagree.

My kids are mixed race and get it all the time, but they love the attention and it makes them feel special, they are both popular with lots of friends who are all white, it’s only a problem if you want to make it a problem,

My kids are mixed race and they are always getting asked this question, they love the attention and think it makes them special, they both have lots of friends who are all white, it’s only a problem if you want to make it a problem

They don't mean nothing, but they are not a cast iron guarantee. They work on percentage and probability distribution amongst populations.