Is DP pregnant?

[Thepowerofawoman]

He's obviously not as he doesn't have a womb.

DP plays 5 a side once a week with his mates, they are all 30+

Recently DP has put on a bit on weight (around half a stone) and it's gone straight to his belly - to be honest I actually prefer him with a bit of a 'dad bod' but for reference, DP is 5'9 and 13 stone (so a little overweight if you look at the BMI).

He's come home from football the last few weeks angry / upset, saying one guy keeps saying 'when's the baby due' 'how many months gone are you' things like that. Absolutely pathetic for grown men.

DP has taken this to heart and now is becoming obsessive with losing weight / wanting to go for a run.
He has never once mentioned being unhappy with his weight before this man child keeps hurling abuse at him. Neither had he mentioned going for a run!

We drove back 400 miles today from a long weekend break, within the hour he is out the door going for a run (in the pitch black) because he's worrying about this guys remarks.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, but I fancied a rant about it because it's doing my head in that is bothering him so much when we was happy with his weight previously.

Does he eat much bread, pasta and beer? Those foods always add weight to the tummy - fast and noticeably - but when they’re cut out, the weight seems to fall off quickly! That might be a quick way to help so he stops banging on about it. Bless him! Poor guy. Men are horrible to each other sometimes, I can’t imagine a woman ever saying something like that!

Bit of an extreme reaction from your husband but surely it’s a good thing he is trying to lose weight? It’s really unhealthy for a man to have a stomach like that.

...I'm shocked at the poster above. If something like this was said to a woman, we'd be flabbergasted. The remarks made by this 'man' are unacceptable - no further discussion needed on that.

@Eyerollcentral If you really regard men's mental health as that unimportant an issue, I suggest you do some research into the statistics. No, it is not "surely a good thing" for him to be improving his physical health at the detriment of his mental health.

If one comment about his weight has resulted in a serious mental health problem, he has bigger mental health problems than caused by this comment. I say that as someone with a serious mental health problem. I note the OP hasn’t said he has a mental health problem as a result. And exercise is good for his physical and mental health. Sounds more vanity than anything else, but carrying weight like that for a man of his age is very bad news for serious heart and health problems. I find it more insulting that people think a comment about weight is the cause of a mental health problem. Being angry or upset does not itself equal a mental health problem. Please try and use your words carefully.

I don’t know how to feel about this subject, as we can take comments negatively or positively.
my example of this is many years ago a male (that had learning disabilities) said to me that he could tell that I “enjoyed my mother’s cooking” whilst pointing at my tummy area.
my immediate reaction was unable to be truly expressed, as I felt I should be mindful that he wasn’t actually trying to be rude, just that his disability didn’t allow him to be tactful.
However upon returning home from visiting my mum, his words “got to me” and it kick started me into healthier eating and exercise.
in ops example tho, the comments to her oh, were not so innocent.
if he hasn’t taken the comments as bullying, and he feels it’s made him more mindful like it did to me, then it’s difficult to come to a conclusion

You seem to suffer from an incredible lack of insight. You're being told someone, on numerous occasions, has come home angry/upset, which has now led to obsessive tendencies over their weight. This is how mental health issues start. Failing to recognise the signs is the problem, and you appear to be part of it.

You told me to "use [my] words carefully" - after joining in on behaviour that is tantamount to bullying; you're a disgrace.

No, read the post again. The op said he was upset/angry when he came home from football once. She has surmised he is annoyed by the comments as since then he has been trying to lose weight. You’ve gone one step beyond that and decided he is having a mental health crisis as result, when most people w a modicum of common sense would recognise that many of us don’t actually realise how much weight we have put on and sometimes need a kick up the arse to lose it. Losing the belly will be far more beneficial to the OP’s husband in the long term. Going for a run after a long drive is not obsessive. Losing weight you need to lose for your health is not obsessive. Nothing the OP has said indicates he is obsessive.

He's come home from football upset for the last few weeks. He's being targeted week after week by a bully. This isn't a once off.

His team needs a policy on bullying, and if it has one, then it needs to be taken off the shelf, dusted off, and put into action.

OP, if you're talking to your DP about this, focus on the bullying, not whether he needs to shed a few pounds.

Bullying can do a number on self-esteem and can also cause depression. If his team can't or won't stop the bullying, he could be really suffering.

Doing a regular sport with teammates you consider your friends is highly recommended for all-around men's health - mental as well as physical. It's far better for him in the long run to feel accepted and to enjoy his football than to lose weight because someone has bullied you into doing it.

I think we all agree it’s a nasty comment said to cause shock and hurt.
besides pointing this out, I’d turn into a positive and say it’s not a bad idea at this age to stay trim, easier on the joints, more agility with long sports.

Exactly. The guy at football is clearly a bit of a prick but I think it’s more likely the OP’s husband is annoyed because he has put on weight rather than is in mental turmoil over it and yes it is a positive he is trying to lose it. Men are often quite vain and he is only mid 30s. It’s normal he would want to lose it.

Is it really so different from how obsessed many women are with their own body size? Issue that sucks up a lot of thinking time.

Nothing the OP has said indicates he is obsessive.
"DP has taken this to heart and now is becoming obsessive with losing weight / wanting to go for a run."

...are you being deliberately obtuse or what?

I don’t know what the op is classing as obsessive. The only example given is going out for a run at night after a long drive. I don’t class that as obsessive. A man in his mid 30s should be really trying to shift weight like he has put on as it is a very poor indicator of future health. The OP doesn’t seem to want him to lose the weight - ‘to be honest I actually prefer him with a bit of a 'dad bod' - which honestly I find a lot odder than his behaviour. Not for aesthetic reasons, but because it’s really well known that carrying weight like that is extremely bad for male health. He is still a young man. Bullying someone for their weight is wrong but people seem to have lost sight of what is healthy in terms of weight. Trying to lose the weight is the best thing he could do. The OP should be supporting him and encouraging him to ignore the prick at football

Poor guy. His teammates sound like wankers.

Wish my husband would go for a run.

Are you serious? THAT is your reaction to bullying comments that can cause eating disorders

@Eyerollcentral You seem really, really obsessed with weight! Wow.

Also, "odder" is not a word. Try "What I find more odd, is..."

I would say the statistical chances of a heterosexual married man in his 30s with no history of mental health problems developing an eating disorder from some prick asking him when the baby is due at five a side football are extremely low tbh with you. I’d be more concerned the OP doesn’t want to support him in losing weight.

I wish mine would start listening to the man-children at baseball. And his wife yelling about the snoring and the cpap machine not working now he’s put on weight. He says that because he works in the sporting industry he doesn’t have to watch what he eats while he “Mphs” his dinner down (bleurgh) like a golden retriever and licks his fingers after, makes himself toast and jam, has a chocolate muffin the size of his head and has a car full of chocolate wrappers and soft drink bottles. Yuuuuuuuck.

There is no doubt he is fat. He is doing something about it. Sounds good to me. What exactly do you like about a dad bod - the man boobs or the rolls of fat around the waist?

My DH and I run all the time. We eat really well and and encourage each other to keep fit. We think it’s important to stay fit and healthy so we can enjoy our life together and be active for as long as possible.

His teammate sounds unpleasant, but I don’t think caring about your health and going for runs is obsessive. It should be normal to exercise and eat well.

Odder is indeed a word pls see below.
What makes you think I’m obsessed by weight?

@Eyerollcentral perhaps OPS DH felt self conscious already whatever is bothering him clearly it has given him the push to act on it.

I'm with the other poster if another woman was to comment on the rolls on the stomach of another woman and suggest she looked pregnant too... the reaction would be very different indeed.

I think people need to bear in mind the OP has said that these men are all friends and it’s a five a side kick about. It’s friends playing football. The man who has been saying this to him is someone he knows. I didn’t say it was a nice thing to do but I also cannot believe the responses saying that he could develop an eating disorder or is in a mental health crisis over these comments either. Going for a run at night is not obsessive behaviour in fact it’s totally normal. The guy sounds like a bit of a prick but tbh if I was the OP I’d be glad my husband was trying to look after himself. The husband is probably more annoyed at himself as he can see it’s true he needs to lose half a stone. He is only in his 30s.