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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset with nursery for this

55 replies

Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 15:59

Pictures on nursery app of dc playing outside (it’s 2 degrees) I’m just long sleeve top and trousers. They are sent with gloves, hat and coat for outdoor play. Face and hands in picture bright red, dc appears to be upset too, potentially cold. Asked about it was told dc didn’t want to wear coat.

another occasion, witnessed dc (13 months) sobbing on collection walking up to carers arms outstretched, and being walked past and ignored, some might be busy but surely not all. He walked up to another member of staff in his baby room who was sitting down and they turned away from him so went to cry in a corner alone. Then when they went to get him ready to go home, just started shouting at him to come here. He then fell over and wasn’t helped up. I took this to management but was told he’d be offered comfort prior to us getting there but didn’t want any and staff would be given a reminder in how to talk to babies.

i don’t know, I feel a bit uneasy like dc might not be getting the best care? There’s been some other incidents because he has allergies and we provide alternative treats for when they have treats and they always forget to give them, i know he’s a baby so won’t really know, but I don’t know would you be happy, am I being a bit too uptight? Happy to be told I am

OP posts:
Rainraingoaway21 · 07/03/2023 16:10

I wouldn't be happy with witnessing that either. If that is what parents can see I'd hate to think what else happens.

Yes some children may refuse to wear a coat but they HAVE to in this weather. They need to learn some things are non-negotiable. Staff shouldn't just accept it. We've certainly had a few stand-offs with some children who refuse to wear a coat when it's cold but they soon learn. We don't back down! They are too young to know what is good and bad for them.

With regards to forgetting to give your DC their alternative treat, I'd also be a bit miffed at that. Surely their keyworker should be very aware of their allergies and should be more on the ball. I can understand the very odd occasion it could get forgotten when so busy, but regularly forgetting? Hmmm.

No child should be shouted at either. Poor babies😢

Trust your instincts OP.

conphlicted · 07/03/2023 16:11

I would not be happy with this at all.

MissEDashwood19 · 07/03/2023 16:12

Your poor little boy. I wouldn't leave either of my children in that environment. It sounds like a mixture of negligence and unkindness. Have you raised your concerns with the manager? How is your little boy generally? How often does he go to nursery?

FourFour · 07/03/2023 16:13

I wouldn't be happy with any of that. Yanbu op, he is so little and if he needs comfort they need to provide it! If he didn't want to wear a coat then they should have kept him in not sent him out underdressed. I would remove him, it's pretty basic things that they are failing with.

R0ckets · 07/03/2023 16:13

Have I read this correctly he's 13 months and they just took him outside with no coat, hat or gloves because he didn't want to wear his coat. Shock

Absoloutly that is not OK! It snowed here today for goodness sake he's a baby they either put his coat on or don't take him outside.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:14

That’s what I thought too but I feel like I’m being fobbed off, becuase they’re saying oh he didn’t want to wear it and then ran briefly out staff put a coat on after… but there’s several pictures of him around the garden on different equipment and then upset. Why was the coat not put on before pictures being taken? His face is also tomato red, so he’d obviously been outside for a while. It’s common sense, it’s 3 degrees, it’s a non negotiable.

OP posts:
Grumpybutfunny · 07/03/2023 16:14

The cost I would forgive as they would likely take it off and dump it if forced to wear it. The lack of affection worries me and I would be looking to move nursery.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:17

MissEDashwood19 · 07/03/2023 16:12

Your poor little boy. I wouldn't leave either of my children in that environment. It sounds like a mixture of negligence and unkindness. Have you raised your concerns with the manager? How is your little boy generally? How often does he go to nursery?

So prior to the incident when I watched him being shouted at and I raised it with the manager, he was quite distressed. But since then, happy as a clam. Walks in by himself, picks up his little bag and walks through the door, and same on pick up.

they just had an ofsted report and it’s glowing and a good/ outstanding in certain areas facility. Linked to an amazing primary and high school. Older dc is in the nursery school (split between school and EY centre) and it’s fantastic, she’s happy, challenged and stimulated. I’m not sure what’s happening in baby room

OP posts:
Forgooodnesssakenow · 07/03/2023 16:18

Find a new setting, you're not in Glasgow are you? My son's first nursery had similarly uncaring staff and I was eld to believe it was normal. Eventually I moved him and he went from crying inconsolably every drop off to happily waving me off from his new nrusery.

My youngest started in the new nruserys baby room a d it's night and day, they carried her round and snuggled her solidly for 2 weeks, they pick them up as soon as they're upset, so different.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:20

Grumpybutfunny · 07/03/2023 16:14

The cost I would forgive as they would likely take it off and dump it if forced to wear it. The lack of affection worries me and I would be looking to move nursery.

See it’s the coat that’s bothered me today (he’s been happy and settled since and I think contact with the other staff member has been limited )because he’s so young he couldn’t take it off and it’s very cold and I can’t wrap my ahead around why the priority was to take pics rather than make sure the children are dressed appropriately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:22

Forgooodnesssakenow · 07/03/2023 16:18

Find a new setting, you're not in Glasgow are you? My son's first nursery had similarly uncaring staff and I was eld to believe it was normal. Eventually I moved him and he went from crying inconsolably every drop off to happily waving me off from his new nrusery.

My youngest started in the new nruserys baby room a d it's night and day, they carried her round and snuggled her solidly for 2 weeks, they pick them up as soon as they're upset, so different.

No I’m not, in an ideal world we’d stay as is because it’s a feeder school to the best in the area and older dc goes so one drop off/ collection but obviously children’s needs come first.

good to know other parents would be feeling as I am, because all concerns seemed to be brushed off almost as if I’m BU, made me question if I was being too precious

OP posts:
Somethingsnappy · 07/03/2023 16:23

I think they sound quite neglectful, and as a pp said, I would imagine their behaviour is even worse when parents aren't around and thus not on their 'best behaviour'.

Hotpinkangel19 · 07/03/2023 16:25

I'm a nursery nurse and wouldn't be happy with either of those situations. Not at all.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:27

Somethingsnappy · 07/03/2023 16:23

I think they sound quite neglectful, and as a pp said, I would imagine their behaviour is even worse when parents aren't around and thus not on their 'best behaviour'.

I don’t think they remembered that we could see in, they’ve got that film that blacks out the windows but when it’s dark out and the lights are on you can see in, but they sort of blamed dc for it saying he didn’t want comfort, sometimes if he gets in a tizz he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going and can be like that but normally just distract him and cuddle him and he snaps out of it. Broke my heart seeing him like that. He’s normally a very happy little boy. He’s been happy since or id have removed him

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 07/03/2023 16:29

I’m usually a bit ‘fgs get a grip’ at some ‘nursery whinging threads’ but this is awful. Poor wee lamb. I’d really not want my toddler there.

MelchiorsMistress · 07/03/2023 16:33

How would your child not know if he was suffering an allergic reaction? I think that would be the biggest concern I had because nurseries are usually very good at catering for allergies.

Whatever anyone else says, you no longer trust them to provide your baby with high quality care and you don’t feel like your child is thriving at this nursery. That is more than enough reason to stop sending him there.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:34

I’ve highlighted my concerns on email to the manager today already, I’ll say something else on pick-up too. They’ve got better with food now, thankfully. He was just missing out on cakes here and there and the little pudding is such a foodie and get major FOMO so i know he’d have been asking for the treats.

i should mention is again right? I thought that things had improved since his contact with that person was limited as he was so happy but the cost thing today seems so basic. I understand food allergies can take a bit of time adjusting too, and it’s stopped happening now, so I’m happy to let that go but the coat and being palmed off has rubbed me the wrong way

OP posts:
Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:36

MelchiorsMistress · 07/03/2023 16:33

How would your child not know if he was suffering an allergic reaction? I think that would be the biggest concern I had because nurseries are usually very good at catering for allergies.

Whatever anyone else says, you no longer trust them to provide your baby with high quality care and you don’t feel like your child is thriving at this nursery. That is more than enough reason to stop sending him there.

Oh sorry, what I meant was say they were having chocolate cake for a treat, we’d provide him one he can eat, but rather than give the treat we provided, knowing he had allergies they’d give him a piece of fruit instead, so he wasn’t getting allergens, or else that would be straight removal because it could be life or death, more that he was being left out

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 07/03/2023 16:39

I would have removed my child the moment I saw him sobbing and being ignored by staff. I dont pay to have my child's emotional needs neglected. The coat would annoy me but not as much as the other incidents.
A good ofsted means nothing other than they are good at keeping records and paying attention to the children when they are being watched.

Snoopystick · 07/03/2023 16:39

Trust your instincts.

3WildOnes · 07/03/2023 16:41

Sorry, they shouted at your baby? Why haven't you removed him?

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:42

3WildOnes · 07/03/2023 16:39

I would have removed my child the moment I saw him sobbing and being ignored by staff. I dont pay to have my child's emotional needs neglected. The coat would annoy me but not as much as the other incidents.
A good ofsted means nothing other than they are good at keeping records and paying attention to the children when they are being watched.

That’s was my first reaction but the centre manager talked me down and promised change but now it’s both these incidents together and the sort of brushing off response and almost blaming the child that’s actually concerning me (you know he didn’t want comfort or he didn’t want a coat)

OP posts:
ChilliBandit · 07/03/2023 16:42

I wouldn’t be happy with this at all and would be looking for a new nursery asap.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:43

3WildOnes · 07/03/2023 16:41

Sorry, they shouted at your baby? Why haven't you removed him?

Yeah she wasn’t saying anything untoward just sternly telling him, tbh shouting at him, to come out his coat on time to go home, she denied it of course.

OP posts:
Untitledsquatboulder · 07/03/2023 16:45

I can accept that it may not be possible to keep gloves and a hat on a 13 month old (although they should try). A coat? No that's not an option at this age.

The lack of care/comfort is totally unacceptable. Even if you can't pick up or cuddle a child on demand soothing words and a quick hug are the bare minimum you should expect.

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