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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you be upset with nursery for this

55 replies

Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 15:59

Pictures on nursery app of dc playing outside (it’s 2 degrees) I’m just long sleeve top and trousers. They are sent with gloves, hat and coat for outdoor play. Face and hands in picture bright red, dc appears to be upset too, potentially cold. Asked about it was told dc didn’t want to wear coat.

another occasion, witnessed dc (13 months) sobbing on collection walking up to carers arms outstretched, and being walked past and ignored, some might be busy but surely not all. He walked up to another member of staff in his baby room who was sitting down and they turned away from him so went to cry in a corner alone. Then when they went to get him ready to go home, just started shouting at him to come here. He then fell over and wasn’t helped up. I took this to management but was told he’d be offered comfort prior to us getting there but didn’t want any and staff would be given a reminder in how to talk to babies.

i don’t know, I feel a bit uneasy like dc might not be getting the best care? There’s been some other incidents because he has allergies and we provide alternative treats for when they have treats and they always forget to give them, i know he’s a baby so won’t really know, but I don’t know would you be happy, am I being a bit too uptight? Happy to be told I am

OP posts:
Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 07/03/2023 16:47

Untitledsquatboulder · 07/03/2023 16:45

I can accept that it may not be possible to keep gloves and a hat on a 13 month old (although they should try). A coat? No that's not an option at this age.

The lack of care/comfort is totally unacceptable. Even if you can't pick up or cuddle a child on demand soothing words and a quick hug are the bare minimum you should expect.

Exactly and it should be the first thing you do before taking numerous pictures of them playing outside

OP posts:
Beachbabe1 · 07/03/2023 16:50

Report to ofsted! That sounds like neglect on their part! Remove him and find somewhere else. Poor boy

Maray1967 · 07/03/2023 16:51

Did you have the chance to comment to fOFSTED? You should have done. They’ll have got a glowing report because no one has complained.
Both of mine went to nursery- there is no way I would have tolerated this. I picked mine up at odd hours quite often and had a good nosy in the other rooms en route to my child’s room and I never saw anything like this. Our nursery always had them well wrapped up outside when cold. They had to issue reminders to some parents who dropped kids off from warm cars with no coats.

ChilliBandit · 07/03/2023 16:57

@Maray1967 - one thing I love about our nursery is that they have no issue with pick ups at random times. It allows you to get a real insight into what is going on.

I am also not sure what magic they use to get my child to happily wear a hat in both winter and summer!

Seasonofthewitch83 · 07/03/2023 17:07

I would not be happy.

Trust your gut OP, I had lots of little niggles about them not being able to comfort DD and then I was sent a picture of her standing along, coasting along a concrete wall in a vest nappy and socks in the middle of a heatwave.

I threatened Ofsted and pulled her out.

We LOVE LOVE LOVE her new nursery - shes always say on someones lap having a cuddle!

pear6782 · 07/03/2023 17:24

Absolutely not ok. A 13 month old can’t understand why it’s important to wear a coat. Mine used to refuse a coat (and would actively take it off) - nursery would keep putting it back on (and then put it on backwards so he couldn’t refuse it 😂). Also, not acceptable that such a young baby is not being offered comfort. I’d look for a new setting as well if you can.

Ludo19 · 07/03/2023 17:32

He's 13months. Anyone who puts a baby outside in this without a coat is frankly neglectful. Also walking past him when he wants comforting is actually heartbreaking.

OP I wouldn't let my cats be treated like this far less a baby/child. He's a poor wee soul and it seems like some members of staff actively dislike him which is monstrous.

Maray1967 · 07/03/2023 21:51

When my eldest was about 15 months old I saw him run across the room to a member of staff for a big hug. He obviously knew he’d get one and what I saw when I nosied in the other rooms was lots of care going on - staff doing activities with small groups, very enthusiastically, others giving comfort when it was needed, lots of help at mealtimes - not staff ignoring children. I would find a new setting if I were you.

Blackmetalmama · 07/03/2023 22:22

This is so upsetting to read, it would be heartbreaking to watch :( my LO is 12 months and watching him look for affexrion/comfort and be refused and go into a corner to cry by himself to then be shouted at... What a horrible series of events. And no coat is unacceptable! He is 13 months for goodness sake, if they tried nicely I'm sure they would have managed or they should have kept him in. He doesn't know what's in his best interest at that age, it's for the "caregivers" to decide and enforce. And the snacks are just a cherry on the top.

Trust your instincts and get your baby into a better environment.

babynoname22 · 07/03/2023 22:28

My children go to nursery. I would not be happy with this at all

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 08/03/2023 13:34

So we sent a message to management and I’m not too impressed by the message we got back. Would move him with immediate effect but there’s no other nurseries with places available immediately and we both work.

the message said

’ive spoken to staff he didn’t want to wear a coat, so went back inside, then went back out and started playing which he doesn’t often do that’s the exact opposite of what I was told at parents evening) so they let him. He was outside for literally 5 minutes kanfuzed!’

thoughts? I don’t appreciate the tone tbh and it’s not like this incident is in isolation

OP posts:
Hellenbach · 08/03/2023 13:49

I used to work as an early years Ofsted inspector. Baby rooms are notoriously difficult to staff with high quality practitioners. I've seen such poor practice over the years, much like you describe.
The Ofsted report is a 'snapshot report' of a day where staff pull out the stops and perform. It doesn't reflect daily practice.
If this is a day nursery it will have no baring on whether your child gets a school place.
I would move him.

ToLongToCharge · 08/03/2023 13:51

These incidents are not normal practise
I have worked in Nurseries for 10 years
I would actually remove my child in your situation

Pheefifofuckthisshit · 08/03/2023 14:00

Well, they've replied and don't give a F really do they.

You have photo evidence of his hands and face red raw from the cold and looking sad while they took photos for FGS. He should have been stopped from going out at the door and a coat putting on at that age, no question of it.

They talk to a 13m old sternly.
They don't offer him affection or a kind word when upset.

The allergy thing is thoughtless. Most settings would offer a similar type of treat but allergy friendly. I always did.

Nope. Nope. Nope. I've worked in early years (nursery and childminding) and have two DC's of my own who I've used both for. I'd be pulling my child out immediately.

Re-check vacancies for ALL local nurseries, vacancies change often, and also maybe consider childminders too. You could also call your local early years team as they may know of nurseries about to open a new room or additional setting, or a childminder who has just registered. Childminders are also Ofsted registered and have various sized settings, age mixes, number of adults, styles of settings etc.

There are good and bad nurseries and there are goo and bad childminders. This one is NOT a good one, I don't care what Ofsted have declared during their snapshot inspection.

Doggydooda · 08/03/2023 14:00

That reply is appalling ,agree the tone is awful and absolutely no acknowledgment about your concerns!
I shudder to think how low their communication standards are …shocking and they simply do not take any complaints seriously…can’t be arsed is the tone !

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 08/03/2023 14:02

they are making it seem like I’m blowing things out of proportion, especially by the email.

the ties to the best school in the area are why he’s there and my other kid too, if he does get moved he’ll be disadvantaged later and there’s no where to move him to right now anyway (which is crap but not unsurprising) but equally there’s the actually incidents and then how they are being downplayed that I’m just not happy with

OP posts:
Mummyof287 · 08/03/2023 14:03

What the hell...that's awful neglect by the nursery both emotionally and physically.

Your poor baby- OF COURSE you should remove him ASAP and also make a formal complaint to OFSTED about the dreadful staff.Please protect him and put him first, rather than concerns about how you may come across or what the fall out might be.And protect the other children there too.

Be strong! He needs you to fight his corner xx

ConkerGame · 08/03/2023 14:05

This was horrible to read. Please move your child!

NewmummyJ · 08/03/2023 14:10

Reading this broke my heart. It's low level neglect in both cases. There is much talk about the crisis in childcare and the costs, but I find the quality equally or more alarming. Kids need comfort when distressed, and boundaries to put coats on as they can't understand the consequences. This is basic stuff.

89redballoons · 08/03/2023 14:13

Is he still only 13 months old? Totally inappropriate to give a child that age the choice of whether to wear a coat or not Confused or any child of nursery age in the snow. If they couldn't get a coat on him they shouldn't have let him go outside.

As to ignoring him when he's crying - that was hard to read, poor little thing. Not all childcare is like this, OP, and I'd be looking for alternatives as quickly as possible.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 08/03/2023 14:39

89redballoons · 08/03/2023 14:13

Is he still only 13 months old? Totally inappropriate to give a child that age the choice of whether to wear a coat or not Confused or any child of nursery age in the snow. If they couldn't get a coat on him they shouldn't have let him go outside.

As to ignoring him when he's crying - that was hard to read, poor little thing. Not all childcare is like this, OP, and I'd be looking for alternatives as quickly as possible.

whats maddening is that the nursery school and pre nursery (it merges to form 30 funded hrs) is incredible. So loving, so kind, stimulating and engaging, so to see the baby room be the opposite is quite flabbergasting!

ive been on a mad ring around this morning and no one’s got any places, earliest is July! I don’t know what to do :(

OP posts:
PanettoneMoly · 08/03/2023 14:49

The lack of coat and apparent lack of care, I’d very much so be bothered by that and you’re definitely NBU.

My toddler DD has an egg allergy so she’s in what they call the Apple Gang when it comes to treats and such like. They did kindly refuse my offer of bringing in egg-free treats because they have children & staff with severe allergies so are reluctant to let parents bring in food which might contain traces of a different allergen so I wouldn’t necessarily be that fussed that she was getting an apple instead of cake.

C152 · 08/03/2023 14:50

If you can, OP, I would take your little one out of that nursery and wait for a spot in another nursery. (I know what a pain this is - I removed mine from his first nursery and had to wait 6 months for a place elsewhere - and that it's often not a possibility.) It's not acceptable at all for any carers, let alone several, to ignore an upset baby.

Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 08/03/2023 14:56

C152 · 08/03/2023 14:50

If you can, OP, I would take your little one out of that nursery and wait for a spot in another nursery. (I know what a pain this is - I removed mine from his first nursery and had to wait 6 months for a place elsewhere - and that it's often not a possibility.) It's not acceptable at all for any carers, let alone several, to ignore an upset baby.

Both DH and I are in work and get a miserly 2 days emergency leave (one of which I’ve used for sickness) and no family or friends around and no childminders. I’ve just joined so can’t even take unpaid parental leave and DH is the bigger earner so can’t afford for him to take it as my salary isn’t enough to sustain us in COL and the nursery in July costs a whopping £78 a day! (Not in london) average for the area is around £55/60.

we’re just stuffed. ffs

OP posts:
Original poster
Kanfuzed123 · 08/03/2023 14:58

^ it’s in our contract that we’re on the office 1 day per week too and we can’t work with him at home and no one to watch him.

cannot afford a nanny or a constant babysitter, if that’s even a thing

OP posts:
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