Colleague 'joked' that I don't go into the office much - AIBU to think that's between me and my manager?

[dontjokeaboutthat]

A colleague made a joke in a meeting with all of my colleagues, including my manager, about how I don't go into the office much. This colleague is senior to me and has started to act like she's my supervisor/manager at times even though she isn't.

I've had issues with my mental health at work and one of the reasonable adjustments that has been put in place is flexibility with going into the office. I know she doesn't know that, but I just felt embarrassed that it was joked about when I have reasons for not going in as often as everyone else does

Sounds like she resents the flexibility you have in coming into the office, which she would like to have but doesn’t. She thinks you’re being treated “special” which you don’t deserve in her opinion. So, since we don’t know the whole story, she may be a malicious person who doesn’t like you, or she thinks you are taking advantage, there’s no way for us to know which.

Yes, seriously, we had a part time colleague and always used to say ‘nice of you to pop in’ 😆 luckily she has a sense of humour.

Sounds like she's jealous @dontjokeaboutthat . I used to get this kind of snarky remark a lot, cos I've worked part time since I was about 30. (Not so much now but for the first 10 years!) The full timers got (and sometimes still do get) so jealous and pissed off that I get two full days a week to myself. Whenever anybody is critical, and snarky; most of the time it's jealousy.

Yes....because people who work part time love nothing more than constant snarky remarks from the full time people. Like 'oh it's lovely that you popped in for a change' and 'nice of you to get out of bed' and 'Oh I haven't seen you for ages. Part time, part timer...'

If she did appear to laugh it off, it's probably because she didn't want to appear offended, in case the snarky and sarcastic fulltimers said 'oh, it's only a joke. We're only joking. Don't be so sensitive. hahahahaha'

The fact is, she was probably just so pissed off with the constant remarks about being part time, that she just ended up not saying anything back, and just put it down to the bitterness and jealousy of the full timers.

I think your reasons for WFH are making you look into this too much. If it were me, I would have probably laughed along with her, because I do WFH and not go into the office a lot.

@HeavenIsAHalfpipe it's called small talk, the small comments you make with people you see every day but aren't friends or family.

Appears maybe you are being over sensitive? What exactly did they say - was it factual that
you haven’t been in much , a “ooo nice to see you popping in ” kind of joke I wouldn’t take offence to. but along the lines of a
more negative tone such as … well you have bothered to turn up for a change ? is a little different.
people have humour and make light hearted chat without any malicious intent. Now people are offended by everything that everyone should probably sit in silence and not dare speak !

I’ve been there and experienced that with my own MH an issues and adjustments for therapy. Workmates do notice and talk even though sensitivity with people was a key part of our job role at an advisory service. A friend at work had bipolar and had lots of time off with illness and everyone knew about her condition, once an episode happened in the office. I personally was over sensitive with what people might say so I channelled a straight talking friend and became more open about my mental health difficulties and ended up doing a session on mental health awareness. In the end I was overjoyed to get voluntary redundancy.
Physical disabilities cannot be hidden mental health can and some of the harshest work colleagues in this may have their own unacknowledged problems.

Gaining a reputation for laziness could be an issue though.

Sorry OP. I’m afraid I think you need to respond each time, being confident and robust, not rude. I know you don’t want to! Maybe it’s better someone has said something openly so you get the chance to be friendly but firm about it, which should stop gossip behind your back.

Just speak to your manager about it and try not to worry. If they've agreed it then they can deal with any issues!

I used to get so many comments about my part time hours I ended up just launching into a spiel about it every single time as it was so annoying.

Yes I am leaving now, yes I am part time, because of that I get part time pay and I am going home now to pick up my two small children from two different places and won't sit down again until about 8pm. (Enjoy your 5pm finish and 5 hours of Xboxing! )

Plus the youngsters that would come in at 10am complaining they were SO tired when I was in at 7am so I could leave in time for the school run! They all have kids now so I'm pretty sure they know about 5am starts and might realise how annoying they were.

Yes. This is the right way to deal with it.

@dontjokeaboutthat how have things been since?

Not gonna lie there’s people like this in our office and it is frustrating when everyone else has to pay for travel and food etc to be in. We have people who have to pay £20 a day to come in twice a week so I can understand from both sides.

They were probably just saying what everyone was thinking though, people talk, especially if one members isn’t acting like the rest of the team and what’s “expected” of them, even if they do have reason. They could have been a bit less offensive.

That being said if it wasn’t the contract you signed and it’s changed I think that’s pretty unfair of the employer. Otherwise can’t you just do your office days? Im genuinely curious at what difference really is. I can’t really ask the people it affects at my office this question but it’s always really intrigued me

bit late for advice but That is the agreement if she raises it again. hard stare

The thing with reasonable adjustments is that anyone who needs them is entitled to ask for them.
There are people in my workplace with various differing work patterns and nobody questions them, because we have robust EDI training and realise that if somebody has a different work pattern it is for a good reason.

So fully grown adults whinging "its not faaaaiiiir" should be told someone else's personal medical or other circumstances rather than be told "get on with your own job and mind your own business" or "take your grievances to the manager/HR"?

This is really what we are talking about here. Fully grown adults terrified that someone else is getting a bigger piece of cake than they have or weaponising a colleague's issues for their own advantage. Neither is attractive on a team.

Not at all, it's quite conceivable that OPs other colleagues have better things to do and aren't that stupid.

Well I don’t think it is fair actually if it’s in your contract, sorry. I know Ive spent my last £10 on getting to work instead of eating so sorry if I have little sympathy. There’s loads of 100% WFH jobs available?

Sorry my comment came across a lot harsher than I meant. I’m just genuinely confused why there would be a reason for you not to. Like genuinely so confused. Can someone clarify/ explain pls

Did you actually read the OP?

I've had issues with my mental health at work and one of the reasonable adjustments that has been put in place is flexibility with going into the office.

OP doesn't owe you any more explanation than that.

Since the OP hasn’t been back since her original post in March I doubt she’s going to reply now.