Colleague 'joked' that I don't go into the office much - AIBU to think that's between me and my manager?

[dontjokeaboutthat]

A colleague made a joke in a meeting with all of my colleagues, including my manager, about how I don't go into the office much. This colleague is senior to me and has started to act like she's my supervisor/manager at times even though she isn't.

I've had issues with my mental health at work and one of the reasonable adjustments that has been put in place is flexibility with going into the office. I know she doesn't know that, but I just felt embarrassed that it was joked about when I have reasons for not going in as often as everyone else does

Raise this with your manager who heard the joke as well?

Is that a hurtful joke though, you were working from home right? I'd just say "yeh, well observed Araminta"

‘wow stalker much?’ Would have been
my reply.

Speak to your manager. She should be more than capable of flagging it to colleagues about minding their own fucking business. As a head of department I have this sort of shit to deal with all the time and will most certainly pick it up with other colleagues.

Your manager should be dealing with this
what a bitch

People are bound to notice though, and sometimes they may comment, even if they shouldn't. They're only human.

I agree with PP that people will notice especially if others are expected to go in.

If you have reasons for not going in they don't know about I don't think you can blame them that much. Perhaps ask your manager to pass on your situation, or tell them yourself. Offices are made of humans, and humans notice things.

So was it a 'joke' or do you think she was purposely being a bitch?

Of course other colleagues will notice but it's absolutely none of their business. I've dealt with this as a manager and I just say that there are reasonable adjustments in place and that's that.

@dontjokeaboutthat speak to your manager.

Try to be resilient and just let it roll off you.

It isn’t material to you or your manager.

I'll never understand why people get involved in other people's business like this. In my small team, we're supposed to be in 3 days per week and a number do not do this and I have never once resented them or felt entitled to know why - why can't people stay in their fucking lane? YANBU

You’re being too sensitive, it’s just a joke, move on

Why should they divulge their medical information to satisfy someone's curiosity? Don't be so ridiculous
Your manager should be addressing this privately @dontjokeaboutthat without comprising you
That's what they are paid and trained for

@dontjokeaboutthat
What exactly did you feel uncomfortable with? Did you feel that she wasn't joking or maybe was highlighting something others didn't know?
Is there a reason you can't just ask her not to draw attention to that as there's actually a good reason you're working from home.
Do you have specific issues at work ie the workplace is at fault, or is your MH just poor?
I do wonder if you're being oversensitive. You can do that, it's not wrong, but it'sunfair if you assume people are against you. Could it be that what you consider is poking her nose in is actually her looking out for you coz she senses something is off? Just have a chat. Don't go down the formal complaint route. It won't end well. A conversation is more likely to get positive results.

There's a difference between 'I feel like I never see you any more' and 'slacker, get your arse in'.

There's clear blue water between an obvious well-meaning joke and being an arsehole and sometimes people are bad at knowing the difference.

They will notice but should understand that it is a professional matter and not for them to comment on publicly. If they feel it is unfair they can speak to the manager and explain their concern. You don't get to behave unprofessionally at work because you are 'only human'.

People make jokes that is life, maybe there should be 0 talk between colleagues, that sounds 'healthier'?

I would move on

I agree with this. Speaking is a mine field these days. OP it’s most likely your mental health issues that is causing you to blow this out of proportion. If your manager and other colleagues who were on the call didn’t react to this comment it’s probably because it wasn’t done with malice.

Are other people made to go into the office?

You could have said "yes my manager is aware"
Your manager possibly should have spoken up but probably didn't want to "out" you. I have similar adjustments and made it clear that I'd have an agreement in place so I'm open and clear about it without having to say why. I also offer to switch the day I'm in the office if its a problem but I appreciate with your reasons this may be difficult.

This. They could speak to manager in private and manager can just say thanks for concern but all is as has been agreed. And leave it at that.

Well she won’t be the only talking about it that’s for sure.

It's not a joke it's bullying.

The response is;
My attendance in the office has been agreed between my line manager and me. It is non of your concern and comments like that, which are designed to embarrass or shame me, are bullying so please stop.

This is exactly the kind of snark op doesn't need.

Op you're not doing anything wrong, and your colleague - and ppl on here - should keep their witless comments to themselves.