Colleague 'joked' that I don't go into the office much - AIBU to think that's between me and my manager?

[dontjokeaboutthat]

A colleague made a joke in a meeting with all of my colleagues, including my manager, about how I don't go into the office much. This colleague is senior to me and has started to act like she's my supervisor/manager at times even though she isn't.

I've had issues with my mental health at work and one of the reasonable adjustments that has been put in place is flexibility with going into the office. I know she doesn't know that, but I just felt embarrassed that it was joked about when I have reasons for not going in as often as everyone else does

Bullying? Is this where we are now? One completely harmless comment is bullying? Fuck
me, I’m surprised anyone says anything any more

And yeah you can say that if you want people to start avoiding you like the plague 🙄

It's always going to happen sadly. I have the same thing going on - meant to be 2 days a week but currently 1 day as a RA agreed with my manager. We

have to put our location every day in our diaries so everyone can see, obviously I don't need to explain but I'm senior leadership and lots of people stalk senior diaries 🤷🏽‍♀️ and it gets talked about that I'm only in 1 day. My manager is great and says send them to me but how could he deal with it without telling them why... it's hard.

If the senior colleague is not your LM or task a manager I'd tell her to shove off!

I agree with this.

This is the sort of thing that often ends up with a complaint to HR.

Your arrangements are none of her business, nor is it her place to be remarking about it in a meeting.

I had a similar issue except it was ongoing with one colleague mentioning it in every meeting and saying she’s going to call me ‘shadow’ because I’m never around. It was 100% resentment on her part because she has a long commute and resisted returning to the office. What she wasn’t aware of (because it was none of her business) is that I was unwell and having testing. This week my boss let the team know that I’ll be off for an extended period because I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. Apparently she looked completely mortified in the meeting and was asking everyone if ‘they knew’. Nobody knew apart from one close colleague and my boss. She was the only one apparently tracking my movements and feeling she had the right to comment. I hope she learns a lesson from this, she made a hard time even harder.

They only person I've worked with who accused people of 'bullying' was also someone who wanted everyone at work to be compulsory friends with her, and used the HR process to try to achieve it.

There is a balanced place where people can make jokes, while being kind, and be friendly but not friends at work. Joyless automatons aren't fun to work with. Neither are inappropriate bantz-aficionados. Both awful. Most of us aim for the middle.

I don't know if OP is one end or the other.

It’s finding a balance you may be over sensitive or it may be a dig at you. Could be either. Offices are made up of lots of different types and some are nosey and people will wonder it’s human nature...😬

A senior colleague publicly admonished a member of staff for having mental health accommodations at work, couching it in the form of a catty "joke".

If you think that's "completely harmless" then I sincerely hope you never have any power over anyone.

@Idkrealorfake you've really embellished what happened. OP hasn't clarified. Maybe it was catty admonishment, maybe it wasn't.

The colleague didn't admonish her for having mental health problems she doesn't know that - people are really sensitive to when others are in the office currently (in my place and i think generally)- and there can be perceived unfairness if some colleagues aren't in as much or don't seem to be following rules. As a manager I make it clear to my team that team members who are in for a reduced time have agreed this with me -its up to the relevant team members to be open about reasons if they want to be

‘Publicly admonishing’

There is no end to exaggeration on here, is there?

What would you call it?

If you understand the meaning of both words it makes perfect sense.

This is a tricky one. If you were in my team I would possibly ask in a non-jokey way if there was a reason however I would not ask in a team meeting and of course you wouldn’t need to tell me.

The thing is whilst it is a Reasonable Adjustment for you it shouldn’t impact others.

Are you in a front facing or operational role where the expectation is to go in for a min number of days per week? If so it might be that your colleagues are feeling the impact of your RAs on their own role BUT this is an issue for them to raise with management.

I can see both sides but haven’t read the full thread so apologies if I have missed updates

publicly admonished a member of staff for having mental health accommodations at work

The OP literally says the manager doesn't know about the accommodations. You've made that piece up in your own head.

Wow, this would massively annoy me.

None of her business, I would raise it with your manager. She won’t be such a smart arse when she gets pulled over it.

Harmless joke that missed the mark?!

Again, really hope you're no one's manager!

Seriously?

It depends how it was said. There is resentment in my team regarding days in the office and people saying they don't really see others etc etc. It will be noticed and of course people will say something, despite not knowing. They should raise with their line manager. It sounds like it might have been a bit of a jokey way though although you should really clarify exactly what was said to save speculation.

I was once offered a teaching job (temporary for a year) in a shortage subject, out of the blue. I hadn't applied and didn't intend to work whole days yet as my eldest had only just started school. In a bid to get me to take it, I was offered a 0.5 role that instead of 2.5 days would be three days, but starting after the school run, and finishing in time for the pick up. This did not inconvenience anyone as I wasn't a class teacher, and my timetable for seeing various classes could work around it. It was made clear to all that this was the arrangement.

I then discovered that some people were making comments about me 'swanning off' at three, as if I was swinging the lead and not doing my full commitment. I had to just stand up for myself and make it clear that, as they knew, this was my contract, this was what I was paid for, and if they didn't like it they needed to take it up with the head.

But I'm afraid that people will always notice if one person appears to be 'getting away with' something that they cannot.

I mainly work from home and evrytime I go to the office several people make the "oh, fancy seeing you here" joke. I just say something "yeah, good to see you. Work from home is great" or something. Is wfm a special arrangement for you or can everyone do it? If foe everyone then just a "good to see you" would be enough. If its just you then id say "thats between me and my manager" to bring a stop to it.

What exactly did she say?

Because as pp have said there's a world of difference between an intentionally mean comment that's intended to upset and embarrass you, and a well-intentioned joke that fell flat.

My Head was on a course and then at another school last week. Lots of 'glad you could make it in' jokes on Monday morning but she didn't seem to mind.

Probably need to know what she actually said....

This isn't bullying. It sounds like a lighthearted comment.