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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

One friend who never really comes/goes to celebrations or out that much…

77 replies

TabooOfNoSex · 06/03/2023 13:11

Is it weird?
I know, she has told me and other closest friends that she’s introverted. Likes and rather spend time either 1on1 or in small, quiet, easy going group.

Of course we’ll all different.

But to never go to wedding, parties, clubs/bars.. etc.

Is it really enough for her?

OP posts:
ChilliBandit · 06/03/2023 13:13

Is it up to you to decide what’s enough for her? She’s been clear about the boundaries of her friendships. I think that’s more than fair.

mycatisaloveabledemon · 06/03/2023 13:13

I don't really do any of that unless I absolutely have to... it's something I would do out of obligation than look forward to and enjoy

Also introverted

Yes it's enough

JorisBonson · 06/03/2023 13:13

It's enough for her, and none of anyone else's business.

Quveas · 06/03/2023 13:14

If she's happy with it then yes, of course it is enough for her. Why on earth would you want her to go out and hate it. FWIIW I go to weddings if invited by friends, but I also hate parties, pubs and clubs - I am with her on that. And so are all my friends!

Aquamarine1029 · 06/03/2023 13:14

It could be enough, or she could have social anxiety issues. Either way, it's her private business.

PillBoxes · 06/03/2023 13:14

Of course it is, unless her not going places makes you feel awkward about your own high life!

Everyone is different. I actually admire her for refusing to join the pack. So many people just do it because they feel they should and are pressured into doing things that really don't suit them.

As long as she is a good supportive friend, leave it at that.

LlynTegid · 06/03/2023 13:14

Unless cancelling last minute or not showing up at all, her choice which should be respected.

Mapletreelane · 06/03/2023 13:16

I think it's weird you questioning it.

She's been honest and set her boundaries. A good friend would respect and understand that.

And there are a lot of people who feel like she does too. Good for her .

BitOutOfPractice · 06/03/2023 13:19

“Enough”? What on earth do you mean by that?

im the biggest extrovert going, but surely it doesn’t take the brains of Einstein to work out that not everyone likes the same thing?

drpet49 · 06/03/2023 13:20

I think it’s sad but that is what she wants.

mycatisaloveabledemon · 06/03/2023 13:21

@drpet49 why is it sad to do the things you prefer, and avoid the ones you dislike?

PillBoxes · 06/03/2023 13:23

Ask an extrovert/party animal to stay indoors a lot and see what they say about that.

Letitbebread · 06/03/2023 13:23

Why is this anyone’s business but the person in question? How intrusive

ChilliBandit · 06/03/2023 13:24

@drpet49 - are you an extrovert by any chance?

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 06/03/2023 13:25

That’s me too. We’re all different.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/03/2023 13:26

Of course it is. And really, how dare you think it's not enough for her, just because it wouldn't be for you. I'm going to assume you're young. So, for info, different people have different likes.

IlIlI · 06/03/2023 13:28

If she has already told you it's what she prefers, why would you need to ask strangers who don't know her if it's ok for her?

arethereanyleftatall · 06/03/2023 13:28

drpet49 · 06/03/2023 13:20

I think it’s sad but that is what she wants.

You what? Why would it be sad if it's what she wants to do? Have a think about how insulting that is. What about if people voiced 'oh I feel so sorry for people who like going to bars. How sad is that?'

whattodo1975 · 06/03/2023 13:32

Does she complain about never meeting up and only ever wants meet ups to be on her specific terms ? I'd find that a bit tiresome as a friend.

But if she is happy not attending lager more social meet ups then fair enough.

Skyeheather · 06/03/2023 13:34

I'm the same, I'm very happy with my quiet life.

I'm not very happy with people like you, always interfering and trying to get me to go to place and do things I don't want to do! You live your life and let me live mine. What harm am I doing to you?

You should go and find yourself some more like minded friends and leave this one be.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 06/03/2023 13:38

If it wasn’t enough for her, surely she’d just go out more?

neverbeenskiing · 06/03/2023 13:38

Good for her. I wish I was assertive enough to just say "no thanks" instead of letting myself be guilt-tripped into attending social events I know I won't enjoy.

passtheolives · 06/03/2023 13:40

I think it’s weird to not listen to something a close friend has told you, and decide instead you know better 🤷‍♀️

SouthCountryGirl · 06/03/2023 13:40

I'm the same. I don't like loud noise or crowds

yellowbananasinjuly · 06/03/2023 13:45

If she is an introvert then social situations drain her batteries and she needs to take time out to recover. If you are an extrovert then people are what bring you to life and charge your batteries. A lot of people are somewhere in the middle. Good for her for looking after herself. Of course it is enough for her!

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