One friend who never really comes/goes to celebrations or out that much…

[TabooOfNoSex]

Is it weird?
I know, she has told me and other closest friends that she’s introverted. Likes and rather spend time either 1on1 or in small, quiet, easy going group.

Of course we’ll all different.

But to never go to wedding, parties, clubs/bars.. etc.

Is it really enough for her?

How about you wind your neck in and leave her be.

You're thinking about it wrong.

Imagine you don't really like chocolate and someone is trying to get you to eat family-size bars of Dairy Milk 3x a week, saying "But everyone loves chocolate??? Are you sure 1 Freddo a month is enough?". You'd say - well, different strokes for different folks, not everyone likes chocolate.

But when it comes to socialising everyone assumes the default is 'the more the better'. And it's really not, but it means everyone assumes you're weird when you don't like parties or big social events.

I don't enjoy them, I don't find it rejuvenating seeing lots of people, I don't come away thinking "Ah how nice!". I come away knackered and irritable and glad it's over. Why would I or your friend willingly go and do things I/she would find stressful/tiring/annoying?

(I'm maybe less extreme than your friend - I will go to wedding and parties if I have to/it'd be very rude not to, but I would 100% rather not and will turn down anything that won't cause an issue).

I get it if you enjoy socialising, but I find it so strange that it's assumed that everyone does enjoy it: there's plenty of us who don't!

I spent the weekend alone - DH was away. One friend who lives round the corner rang me on Friday, Saturday AND Sunday to invite me various places with her family, so concerned about me - she genuinely didn't understand that not only did I not feel lonely having a whole weekend without plans, I actively didn't want any and would prefer to not see anyone. It wasn't even that she thought it was odd, she couldn't comprehend that being an actual point of view. And I find that MUCH weirder than people being introverted, to be honest!

As an introvert it does annoy how much people use that label for every behaviour now, but there's nothing that unusual about not wanting to do those things.

Maybe she prefers to pay off her mortgage rather than blow it on wedding presents, fancy frocks she'll only wear once, expensive drinks in noisy bars, 'big nights' out with a starting price of £100+ She's told you she prefers small, more intimate settings and events. She sounds pretty grounded. Advertising and social media have persuaded you that the only way to have a good time is to get dressed up and go out but many of us get our pleasure out of simpler, more authentic things.

What’s more weird is you not having the ability to understand that she doesn’t enjoy something.

Well it obviously is enough for her 🙄 I really hate how other people think they can change someone just because they do thing differently

Of course it's enough for her, honestly are you so thick skinned you need to ask?

Yes!!!!

Same here too. Drives me mad.

I’m quite introverted. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy going out and seeing friends, but up to a point. I do turn stuff down as often as I accept - although I’m happy to go to weddings, etc.

It also annoys me that I’m seen as some sort of party pooper when I slope off home rather than staying until the bitter end.

I’m not really sure why it would bother anyone else to be honest. Me not going on a night out isn’t the end of the world

The energy side of it is real.

I'm an introvert who is very social when I'm at events like that - no one would think I'm an introvert. I'm very confident and chatty.

But MAN, that is tiring. I end up wiped. And what for? A bunch of people I'm never going to see again.

A good way to think of it is as if you're a battery pack, and for an introvert, every extra person at a party has plugged themselves into your supply. Even if you're not talking to them.

Good for her. If she's happy doing her own thing a good friend would respect that. I'm sure she brings some wonderful traits to your friendship in other ways.

Of course it's enough! I'm somewhere in between the two...happy to mingle with a big crowd if I am friendly with them all but if I could choose between that and staying at home with 1 or 2 others (or even solo), I'd choose that every time. My energy is restored by pottering around at home or having a small dinner with 2 or 3 friends.

I was asked something similar by my lovely, very extrovert friend recently. I am rather introverted and probably a bit socially anxious. I love to socialise in small groups and actually quite enjoy meeting new people if it's through work/hobbies etc where we have a chance to slowly build a friendship with a reason for being there/some common ground etc. However, if I have to go to a large event I find it totally mentally draining. Part of this is that I know that the way I would like to behave would be seen as rude and/or annoying to other people. If I could please myself I would happily sit in a corner at a party watching/listening to everyone else, I'd say hello and be polite to anyone who spoke to me but would not need to try to continue the conversation, or if I found someone I knew/seemed to have something in common with I would talk to them all evening (creating a small group within the party, which feels much more comfortable to me). But I know that this would seem odd and other people would probably be desperate to try to get away from me. So instead I end up constantly trying to assess the situation to act like I am 'supposed' to be, trying to think of things to say that would seem normal and seem like I am enjoying the party. I know that if I drink to 'loosen up' I will get worse at this and probably end up sitting alone drinking too much or talking 'at' some poor person that I have met once before. I've been to a few parties where I knew most people and have genuinely had a great time but usually it feels like I am at a very long interview. I can't wait until other people start to leave so I can make my excuses and go. I can see that this is hard to believe if (like my extrovert friend) you look forward to parties etc, genuinely enjoy every minute and feel a 'buzz' afterwards.

I wouldn't be going to those kind of things either although I would go to a wedding.

I prefer small group or 1:1

Is this honestly real? I can't fathom being old enough to know how to use a computer but not knowing that different people like different things; FFS my toddler understands that 🤯
You sound like a shit "friend" tbh - the type that's always giving "helpful" unsolicited advice on the assumption that you know better than everyone else what they need, or that everyone should be a bit more like them... yawn 🙄
Actual friends accept one another as they are, without trying to make the other person more like themself.

Is it really enough for her?

Why do you think you get a say on the quantity of social interaction she has, as it differs from your perception of what is ‘right’?

This is me and It’s difficult

On one hand my work often entails that I may be speaking confidently in front of a large audience and sometimes a camera crew as well. I meet and speak with many different people day to day and I give an outwards persona of quiet confidence but that’s work and I put that into a different compartment to personal life

On the flip side of the coin in my personal life I am very uncomfortable joining in social / family gatherings beyond two or three people and from the moment I am given an invitation to a social function the tension starts to build up inside me , I spend every waking moment working on how I can give my apologies and not have to attend, and the tension doesn’t go until the event is over. It is lovely that my friends like me enough to invite me and I hate letting people down but its so stressful for me to actually go, I’ve tried making myself many times and yes I can do it but for what reason? Where is the pleasure? , this is something that has been part of me since childhood

Sometimes an occasion is such that it cannot be got out of , something like a close family wedding ,usually the church part will be ok as it’s a formally organised usage of time but once onto the reception I’m looking for a clock literally to clock watch , I calculate and recalculate continuously how long I need to stay before I can politely say goodbye and make a run for it

All I can say is there are many people with different characters , nothing is wrong just we are just all wonderfully different and need to work towards accepting other peoples differences

name changed as it’s quite an honest account and may be recognised

Are you my friends?! This is me.. I love seeing my friends but I'd rather go for dinner just the small group of us or cinema/walks/to someone's house etc. I am really quite shy and large groups of people make me really anxious especially if I don't know everyone there, I feel bad that I don't join in with everything but I make an effort with my close group of friends. I've also put on weight (a lot) and just feel really out of place and uncomfortable.

I am like that. I hate larger groups. I like having a proper chat with one person or two people. I find parties difficult as the noise overwhelms me and I feel the pressure to be 'on'. I also have a disabled child who cannot cope with these things either and cannot be left at home with a random babysitter who does not understand his medical needs, so going out to adult things where he cannot come or cope with causes me enormous stress and strain.

This is what I wanted to say. You're not much of a friend, actually. This is her life - her decision - not yours in any way whatsoever.

Is it really enough for her?

She says so, so yes.

You say everyone is different as if you accept it, but then still question her preferences. Be a better friend.

Judging by OP's other posts, this is a reverse.

You can't change what she wants. So you just accept it, that your level of friendship won't be that deep. I wouldn't bother tbh and would just keep it at just pleasantries and let the friendship go, gently. I know people, plenty of hellos, acquaintances, it's only a handful of deep friendships that really matter to me, that I invest my time in.

Am the same and am at the age I just do what I feel am up to doing. Some people cannot be on their own for five minutes and need others around them then others love their own space and are very content pottering around and you should not try to force her or judge her or talk about her and make her feel bad. You do you and let her be herself. Dislike weddings and the long day that drags on and on.

Of course it's enough!!! Why the hell wouldn't it be if she says it is?

I'm like your friend. I'm somewhat introverted and prefer smaller groups or, better still, just being at home. I hate parties and only go to weddings and other big gatherings if I absolutely have to. I get on alright when I am there but I don't look forward to them and I am always very relieved when they are over.

I'm often happy with just my own company and I am not overly sociable. What I really don't like is judgment from others who probably think that this "isn't enough" for me. Fortunately I no longer give a shit these days and just ignore them if they start.