'Innocence is unattractive after a certain age"

[OldFan]

I just thought I'd offer you this gem.

Many years ago I had a casual thing with an older bloke, we were talking about drug dealing or something and I went 'oh but I wouldn't know anything about that,' I was kind of being coy and wasn't 100% serious (not that I know much about drugs at all IRL either.)

He became deadly serious and said 'innocence is unattractive after a certain age.'

Thinking back I've realized this is quite an odd comment and I have my own views on it, but would be interested in yours.

I was 21 and he was 47 if that makes a difference.

YABU- not a weird thing to say at all.

YANBU- weird

I mean, I get that not knowing much about the real world can be unattractive. But I meant the statement in general has an odd ring to me, and to me could have certain implications.

Why does it matter what grandad thinks ? He is a predator that took advantage of a vulnerable young woman. I would be working on that with a qualified therapist. Not asking if mumsnet is in agreement with a dirty old man sentiments about innocence and drug dealing.

He sounds really creepy and I've no idea why you are giving any of this headspace.

Ewww you were 21 and he 47 with a "main girlfriend" sounds like a prince.

His comment re drugs to you was him being a cock and trying to assert some authority and tell you how he wanted you to be.

I don't like adult women who seem to have their shit together, batting their eyes and coming across coy on subjects to make men feel more empowered, when in fact it makes them look like twats.

So a bloke who was seeing you because you were young and pretty decided it was ok to be rude about you being 21 and acting your age.

It's almost as if he wanted to have his cake and eat it and not be reminded that he was a creepy older bloke who is shallow and likes hitting on young women.

If he wanted someone who acted more mature, I'm sure he could have gone on a date with them. The reason he didnt want to was precisely because you were 21.

Don't lose head space to a creepy bloke trying to justify his own creepiness by blaming 21 year old you for acting your age. Maybe he should have acted his own age...

You never answered OP as to why you are around these awful men all this time later? They sound like a bunch of sleazy pervs.

Tbh sounds to me like he was calling you out for playing dumb.

Op I get drip feeding because people genuinely forget to add something to a post or 2 but you seem to be drip feeding and fishing all in one drawn out saga

It's a pattern on here that anything a man does is wrong and there always has to be some deeper hidden meaning in everything thing they do or say but you seem to know what he means so not sure what you are asking?

I saw it as he thinks people over a certain age (maybe 20) have to know about seedy stuff to be attractive. People under 20 are attractive to him (a 47 year old man) including their innocence
What a lot of utter tosh 😵‍💫

Men often find innocence attractive in a woman, but to a creep, it

probably reminds him of how young his "partner" is.

Either he was making a statement about himself and fishing for a 'oh I do find you attractive, you are so knowledgeable'

Or

He was 'calling out' your wide eyed naïve act

Really random thing to recall!

😂

Well, this a creepy read...

No idea why you decided to date someone more than twice your age or why you would still worry analyse what he had to say.

Personally I don't care about the philosophical musings of creepy older guys.

What do you want out of this thread OP, you come across as just as creepy as Rog/Pete yourself to be honest.

So 26 years ago you went out with an older man who said something slightly twattish, condescending and 'ever so grown up' to prove his maturity over yours. Now you are nearly his age that's the thing you are fixating on rather than what the fuck was he doing going out with a 21 year old? Would you go out with a 20 year old now op?

As others have said, it’s because you’ve said in your post you were being coy. It isn’t attractive when women act coy (whether you knew what he was talking about or not).

Honestly, this whole set up sounds bonkers and nobody comes out of it well.

You never answered OP as to why you are around these awful men all this time later?

@Mirabai I haven't really been around them for over 20 years now thankfully. I just am the kind of person where I always keep an eye on what's going on with anything and am interested. My bestie used to hang out with them too and he doesn't see why I care about any of what's currently going on.

Really random thing to recall!

@dooneyousmugelf I have a very long memory.

No idea why you decided to date someone more than twice your age

@Greenfairydust I used to think they had, like, spiritual wisdom as it was that sort of scene they were in. Also wanting to be part of it all.

What do you want out of this thread OP, you come across as just as creepy as Rog/Pete yourself to be honest.

@GoldilocksIsALittleSod In what way?

Now you are nearly his age that's the thing you are fixating on rather than what the fuck was he doing going out with a 21 year old? Would you go out with a 20 year old now op?

@WonderingWanda As a PP said, I think that's part of why I'm thinking about it, as I'm around that age myself and think would I do that, was it shady of him (I think so) etc. Rog is 5 years younger than my dad. But I feel bad for him for how Pete is acting.

And maybe that's part of it, because my dad isn't local, and I just think it's sad for a guy in his 70s to be going through what Rog is. I'm the same about caring about how older guys are keeping if they have my dad's name. 😂 Unfortunately my step mum is awful so I get to see my dad even less than I otherwise would.

Personally I like innocence of seedy things. I find wholesome, normal people refreshing in comparison to the sort of druggie wierdoes I used to hang out with. I get that I was being somewhat coy so it wasn't quite the same. But nowadays I'm glad to not have anything to do with that stuff, and to have not got any deeper into the drugs etc than I did.

I probably was feeling a bit uncomfortable as well because Rog lived in a squat, an abandoned factory, with a guy who deliberately chose to wear a hook for an arm because it looked edgy (ok, presumably he had lost an arm, but most people don't choose a hook) and druggies coming and going, and LSD etc.

Hey ho, I'll chalk it all up to one of those things I guess.

I suppose it was when Pete started having a go at me on his blog that I understandably felt more personally involved. I had to make all my social media anonymous and stuff like that, as he starts saying things about people using their full names/pics and I hate that sort of thing.

He was being unreasonable to date a 21 yr old at his age ! I would have thought he wins after innocence

@notthisagainforest More of a physical attraction for him rather than anything else. And I wasn't anything special, just young and skinny. But I found a pic a while back and I did look ok. I'd been bullied a lot at school and didn't have much belief that I would be attractive to guys me own age- that's why I'd mostly aim at older guys who tended to always be receptive. But of course they would just take what was offered them on a plate.