'Innocence is unattractive after a certain age"

[OldFan]

I just thought I'd offer you this gem.

Many years ago I had a casual thing with an older bloke, we were talking about drug dealing or something and I went 'oh but I wouldn't know anything about that,' I was kind of being coy and wasn't 100% serious (not that I know much about drugs at all IRL either.)

He became deadly serious and said 'innocence is unattractive after a certain age.'

Thinking back I've realized this is quite an odd comment and I have my own views on it, but would be interested in yours.

I was 21 and he was 47 if that makes a difference.

YABU- not a weird thing to say at all.

YANBU- weird

I mean, I get that not knowing much about the real world can be unattractive. But I meant the statement in general has an odd ring to me, and to me could have certain implications.

YANBU. I haven’t the foggiest about drugs bar some names. Not interested. In my 40s. I wouldn’t expect this to be seen as “faux innocence”.

I don’t know about the statement but a 47 year old have a casual thing with a 21 year old is just wrong! FAR too big an age gap. A man of almost 50 having sex with a 21 year old is just yuk and if your innocence bothered him then he should’ve been having sex with someone closer to his own age!!

Seriously if any of this thread is real, you need to leave the past far behind and have nothing further to do with dirty old men from your past.

You were “kind of being coy”. That isn’t attractive in an adult, no matter the subject

It seems to me he said that because he was reminded that you were young enough to be his daughter.

Putting someone else down to make yourself feel better isn't an attractive trait in a man.

This.

You blogging friend could be done for libel. Why doesn't he go to the police? I don't know why you care about this man from 25 years ago either. Whole thing is very odd.

He does sound like an absolute creep @OldFan . And what kind of man knocking the door of 50 dates a young woman just out of her teens anyway? Massive power imbalance, and seriously creepy.

However, as Namachanga said. I agree that faux naivety and pretending you don't know what people are on about (when they say something 'adult') is very irritating. I used to work with a woman when I was in my early 30s, and she was 45-46. Whenever anybody said anything a little bit cheeky, saucy or rude, (or 'adult,') she'd say, 'I don't know what you're on about.'

She pretended to not know what cannabis or a spliff was. (She was born in 1952, so would have been a teen in the 1960s, so she like fuck did she not know what a spliff was!) She pretended to not know what a blow job or oral sex was. She pretended she didn't know what a transgender person was. And when people make comments, like about certain types of sex positions, or anything like that. (cheeky, naughty stuff;) she made out she didn't know what we were on about. The woman was actually 45-46 and had four children.

I remember my colleagues and I saying how could she not know like stuff like this? And we imagined her and her husband having sex in the dark, under the duvet with their clothes on, and wearing rubber gloves. 😆

But yeah as a pp said, the faux naivety and trying to look all cute, and saying 'I am only an innocent iccle girl' (several years off her 50s,) was vom-inducing. She also described herself as teeny tiny, and often said 'but I am only iccle....' and 'I am just a sweet innocent wee girl' even in her middle age. She also played on how petite she was... She was a size 10 (in the old days, so like a 6 to 8 now,) 8 stone, and 5 ft 1. She played on how 'delicate' and 'iccle' she was. Soooooooooooo nauseating

Classic. Older man makes very young woman feel she has a lot to learn. From him.

Er let the pair of old pervs fight it out between themselves

@Bluepuffa
Fully agree, these women who act 'coy' and naive, it's so pathetic.

Well yeah it was a weird comment from him, but it's also a bit weird for you to be ruminating on it after so long. Maybe it's because you're nearly the same age he was that's triggered it or something?

I expect that reminding him of your age made him feel like a pervert.

Which arguably, he was.

^Druggie woman = attractive
Non-druggie woman = unattractive
If this is what he meant he is more than weird.^

@Cinecitta Yep I saw it as somewhat manipulative. He had had sex on acid with his previous partner and wanted that again with a lover. We took acid once or twice and he sort of tried to come on to me while I was tripping, or that's how it felt to me (he'd taken less so as to manage the trip and looking back I find him coming on to a woman on drugs really shady.)

I just curled up into a ball and was trying to fend him off with my mind. 😂

@OldFan

I didn't know details about things most people wouldn't know details about. Whether I needed 'looking after' is not all that relevant as we didn't have the sort of relationship where he was expected to do stuff like that, as it was just a sexual relationship and he wasn't local so didn't see me all the time to 'look after' me.

No. Hence the comment that he was negging you.

My point was about a slightly different phenomenon around the idea that (some) men are attracted to women who either are or pretend to have very little between their ears and don't seem to be able to look after themselves. It's not specific to your situation but it's definitely a thing.

Sorry, TL;DR

You blogging friend could be done for libel. Why doesn't he go to the police?

@SnackSizeRaisin We have but the police are pretty crap. Some of what Pete has been doing is harrassment towards Rog; tweeting about/at him repeatedly on twitter calling him a nonce, when he's blocked he kept making different accounts to do it- but that behaviour was only for a short time. He does kind of try and encourage other people to be vigilantes against Rog though.

Libel is no longer a crime unfortunately but Rog may start civil proceedings. Others have been able to get injunctions so Pete can't talk about them. Pete used to make these same accusations against another guy, Anton. Once Anton got an injunction or whatever, he carried on, just changed his target/claims to be about Rog rather than Anton.

I care because I think it's unjust/mean. Obviously I can't 100% know they aren't paedoes, but I think the police should investigate it rather than just let Pete carry on.

Pete used to say this stuff about yet another guy, Daniel. He actually went to the police with that one, but it was dropped by the police. It seemed like he was trying to make Pete's partner's child (also Daniel's child) say this stuff, similar to the Hoastead case. www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2022/sep/22/hoaxed-a-podcast-investigation-of-hampsteads-satanic-paedophile-ring-which-doesnt-exist The young man went on to be put in the custody Danial, and now renounces all the accusations he made/was encouraged to make.

However, as Namachanga said. I agree that faux naivety and pretending you don't know what people are on about (when they say something 'adult') is very irritating

@HeavenIsAHalfpipe There's adult and there's seedy and criminal. There's a difference.

And I had such an early 20s of being into sex with dodgy types, when I met a South African woman that said her and her friends would just have a wholesome swim in a lake with others who happened to be young men, I kind of liked that fresh outlook to relationships.

Maybe it's because you're nearly the same age he was that's triggered it or something?

@CremeEggThief Yes, I think so partly. I imagine to myself that in his position of meeting a 21 year old, I don't think I would have a sexual relationship with them.

Also, I've long thought that Rog's circle was a bit dodgy/misogynistic. There was a culture of sexual entitlement. Pete's claims have probably made me evaluate that dodginess again, though of course it's not the same as what Pete is saying.

Yes, that would be my take on it too.

You’re making out like he was disappointed that you’re not an innocent little girl.

@Namachanga Not remotely! It was clear in this instance that he disapproved that I didn't know all about drug deals etc.

Yuk, old perve (sorry, can't see past that).

Well, not disappointed so much as he disapproved with frowning about my not being an expert on drugs transactions.

That’s not the impression that you’ve repeatedly given throughout the thread and not once clarified when many, many, many posters have responded to that implication.

He might’ve meant ignorance as opposed to innocence.

He’s a creep either way.

He might’ve meant ignorance as opposed to innocence.

He didn't make mistakes in what he said, he's very articulate. And I imagine ignorance wouldn't be attractive at any age.

That’s not the impression that you’ve repeatedly given throughout the thread and not once clarified when many, many, many posters have responded to that implication.

Well, then you are mistaken in that.

I saw it as he thinks people over a certain age (maybe 20) have to know about seedy stuff to be attractive. People under 20 are attractive to him (a 47 year old man) including their innocence.

That’s what I got from it too.

There does come a point where naïveté and helplessness becomes idiocy and incompetence but that’s a pro-maturity/worldliness POV, not a pro-innocence one.

It’s irritating that he didn’t know the OP was saying it tongue-in-cheek though. No dodgy implication involved - just an ability to identify banter!