Balancing the unbalanced nature of childcare and work in my relationship

[Winniethepig]

Rant plus advice needed:

I’m just back from mat leave at my role and I need to be in the city several days a week. Its a long ass commute.

Hubby goes to Yoga every night and I’m left to look after the children and we have an Au Pair who supports.

I earn the higher wage, I also work the most hrs, I also do the most child care. I don’t get the yoga equivalent and also currently expected to do the cooking and shopping.

Husband is very bad at conflict so discussions on this never get resolved. For example- when I asked for the equivalent time he takes for Yoga he told me to cram
It into my work day.

After bashing my head against a wall, I have no decided to start doing the bare min. For example:

Rocking up at 7pm when the nanny clocks off

Only cooking for the kids

Having a basic din thats just for me

Not doing big shops

Unreasonable? Sometimes I feel like he is a puppy who needs have his nose rubbed in it in order to appreciate just how much I do.

I mean I asked to come along with our son, and he said no

Of course he is very bad at conflict- he doesnt have a leg to stand on here so is just avoiding the issue.

@Gilduck that was a lot of words to give a bloke's perspective.

We don't need it, thanks. The bloke in question has made his perspective perfectly clear. So trot off and look after your DCs. There's a good chap.

He is creating an alli...

ah, @Winniethepig you know he won't change.
just sack him off.

Ultimatum time @Winniethepig. Three months to shape up or he ships out. Don’t bother with the passive aggressive shit, it’s incredibly childish and non productive.

Oh that's really hurtful and divisive
Also not fair on your son who would love to spend time with both of you

I don't know what I'd do. Are you seeing a counsellor? I think it might be worth taking a step back and trying to figure out what his motivations are for behaving like this, while not taking on the burden by blaming yourself.

From what you've written it does sound like he's checked out and possibly preparing for divorce by setting up a situation where he gets more care of DS (and consequently maintenance from you, as opposed to vice versa)

Forewarned is forearmed, if you think that could be the case you need to respond accordingly.

Do you want to stay married?

How nasty. I can understand why you are hurt.
I'm sorry you are going through this OP.
I know this sounds blunt and for that I'm sorry, but what exactly are you getting out of the relationship?

Oh @Winniethepig this sounds so exhausting and distressing. He's trying to blackmail you emotionally and punishing you. It's nasty.

Poor you I hope you can catch your breath and get some space to think this through

People treat their enemies better than he treats you. Get rid of him.

So found out the daddy daughter lunch took place without me knowing until they cane home and she told me. So angry... so so angry.

He goes to yoga EVERY NIGHT?

Even if he is actually going to yoga and not seeing someone else, divorce the bastard.

Oh bloody hell, didn't mean to revive an old thread.

Sorry everyone.

OP, did you LTB?