AIBU to ask a 14yo to read for 10 minutes?

[TheOtherBennetSister]

Reading matters. It is a huge indicator of academic success.
Ds is middlingly bright and does okay in science, math and drama, but does quite badly in essay subjects - English and social studies.

He never ever reads. He spends hours watching Youtube videos on his phone, but never reads.

We've had a chat and I've said that slotting some reading into his life would be a good idea. He agrees in principal. I'm not expecting him to plough through War & Peace. Anything he wants to read is fine. Graphic novels, younger readers, Guiness Book of Records, factual books about his interests, ANYTHING. I've put quite a lot of effort into helping him find something that he might enjoy. Nothing appeals. So I ordered the local newspaper to be delivered every morning. He agreed to try it for a couple of weeks - just flick through over breakfast and read ONE story. But no, he's on his phone watching videos again. I've even showed him how to flick through, check out the headlines, and skim through something that caches his interest.

I'm frustrated, because I can see that forcing someone to read is not going to work, but I genuinely think he needs this. His brain is atrophying as he stares for hours at his phone. Am I wrong to push this? Is there a different way?

To be clear - there is no animosity and we're not arguing about it. I'm just trying to find a way to make it work.

Will he listen to an audiobook?

Flowing with interest, as in the same boat!

Following!

Same here. Seems boys especially apre bad for this. Have a look at Tik Toks most talked about books for potential material.

I've tried Audiobooks. It was always me saying "ooh why don't you listen to another chapter?" and then it fizzled out. We tried hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. It was fun and funny, but I stopped mentioning it and he never thought about it again.

Same issue here. When mine was younger I took him to Kumon - even reading one paragraph in the comprehension was a lot more than he would otherwise have done, and it did help for a while. Now that he's a teenager, his speaking, writing and comprehension is terrible. He can't even write a coherent email. Following for any tips!

yes yes yes!

I am the allocated person in my department, who checks through GCSE papers that the parents have paid to have returned to the school for checking grades.

Every year, every student I have ever checked has lost grades by the handful for not being able to read the question.

Some have written amazing essays, full of knowledge and understanding, but have not answered the question and scored zero.

I have just been marking mock papers. Every student loses and average of one grade in every paper due to misreading

No audio books! Reading! And I think graphic novels are great, because they actually require closer attention to detail than large blocks of texts do.

Also, find books that are of interest. Books on Sport? Books on SAS survival skills? It does not have to be fiction

Please! Make them read!!

but how?

I think you need to be a bit more forceful. No phones at the breakfast table rule?

You're preaching to the choir @Nimbostratus100 - but howwwww?? how do we 'make' them read?

Yes, I agree. And I'm going to let him know that.

I’m there too with my 12yo he’s dyslexic so finds reading challenging. Audiobooks with the printed book and he keeps up with narration is good. Alsoted talks can be good as they are interesting try and steer YouTube watching.

Ask him about what he watches on YouTube. Maybe he's not watching stuff that is pointless. For example ask him if he's seen any videos on TikTok about school protests. What does he think ? It's not reading a newspaper but videos like that are a powerful and quick way for people to share an experience. Reading a newspaper article by a reporter who went to school ages ago is very different to seeing things filmed by a fellow young person. You can search for a video that will explain something in a couple of mins if you've missed the story.

Does your son watch tv with you? Do you watch with subtitles on? I initially put them on because I sometimes don't hear things but I find myself following the text if it's something that interests me.

No phones at the breakfast table is a good idea. Maybe he'll go old school and read the cereal box.?

And no screens and hour for bedtime. We have one “reading evening” with no screens at all.

Does he have a library card? Take him to a library at help him choose a few books to try out. Graphic novels, books about sports, his hobbies.. the book about the film/series he is really in to.

Does YouTube do subtitles? If they do he could mute his phone put subtitles on and read his YouTube videos instead. Not ideal I'm sure, but could be a start. Could do the same for shows he streams or watches on TV too.

I guess the alternative is to find articles about really cool things and WhatsApp him the links with things like "bet you never thought X would have managed this?!" and then at tea time ask him whether he managed to look at it and start up a conversation about it?

I think at 14 you are presumably paying the phone contract? So it’s maybe time
to be more forceful with limiting the time spent staring at screens/videos. I totally agree with you that it atrophies the brain and at his age you’ve not got long left before his phone and screen use is outwith your control. It doesn’t need to be anything dramatic but I’d be saying no phones at meals/after certain time at night/before certain time in morning. Then keep books/comics/papers around - it might push him into trying to read more?

It’s so hard though - my Mum brought my younger brother and I up exactly the same way, read to us daily, bought books, took us to libraries, had books and papers around the house, minimised screen time. We are now 33 and 26, I read a book a week at a minimum and my DSD7 (been with her Dad since she was 2) is a voracious reader too and we read together and discuss books. My brother quite possibly hasn’t picked up a book since school 🫣 Some people just aren’t readers I suppose.

Follow8ng as my 11 always outs upnresistance when l ask her to read just one chapter. Drives me mad - have read to her since she was tiny but she will never pick a book up of her own accord

I know bribery is frowned upon on here and what do I know about teenagers as my eldest is 5 but i would go carrot AND stick as I also think this is an important area. So some time when phone use is banned and also some incentive for hitting a reading target. (I don't know what's realistic but maybe if he reads 2 novels a month he gets a new game or a sleepover or an outing...or something he really wants?)

I'm afraid I have no answers but you have my sympathies. My DS loved reading up until the age of 7/8 when he discovered football. He's 15 now and hasn't properly read a book for at least a couple of years. We tried the 'carrot' approach and the 'stick' approach to no avail. Audiobooks don't help. I've even offered to read aloud to him! He's doing his GCSE's this year and his lack of reading has been hugely detrimental to his writing and speaking ability, to the point where he may fail English Language and Literature ☹️

Maybe try books linked to tv programmes or films he might like eg Heartstopper, Clarksons farm, Star Wars or Doctor Who.

Definitely go to the library and point him towards the young adult section.

At that age, my son would only read the Alex Rider series and the Young Bond series. Now, at 16, he tends to read mostly non fiction like travel guides.

If it's the phone that's the problem then change how he uses it.

No phones at the table and no phone at bedtime seems very reasonable, still gives him plenty of time for YouTube videos, but also the chance to read for 10 mins at breakfast/before bed.

Have a summer holiday on a cottage in the middle of nowhere with no WiFi and see if he picks up a book then? Maybe if he's bored enough!

Will he cook/bake? Maybe reading a recipe is a good place to start.

We read when there was nothing else to do. Sure, it was Heat or Sky magazine or whatever but when you’ve not got access to a phone or a screen, you will end up reading.

I’m an English teacher and we encourage reading anything. But no to audiobooks, I’m afraid. We want them to see the punctuation and interpret tone etc.

I think you should start looking for newspaper articles/magazines. Then look for him to read 1 a week initially- you could ask for a brief bullet pointed summary. I’m in Scotland and this really helps with exams but unsure if this is as useful elsewhere.

If you get the Sunday papers look for opinion pieces/supplements. These are then short pieces where attention span only needs to last about 15 mins.

I think you’ll need to allocate time for this and can look to increase frequency as you get used to it. You could choose more controversial topics- kids love things that are a bit ‘on edge’ and it could stimulate some interesting dinner table discussion.