AIBU to ask a 14yo to read for 10 minutes?

[TheOtherBennetSister]

Reading matters. It is a huge indicator of academic success.
Ds is middlingly bright and does okay in science, math and drama, but does quite badly in essay subjects - English and social studies.

He never ever reads. He spends hours watching Youtube videos on his phone, but never reads.

We've had a chat and I've said that slotting some reading into his life would be a good idea. He agrees in principal. I'm not expecting him to plough through War & Peace. Anything he wants to read is fine. Graphic novels, younger readers, Guiness Book of Records, factual books about his interests, ANYTHING. I've put quite a lot of effort into helping him find something that he might enjoy. Nothing appeals. So I ordered the local newspaper to be delivered every morning. He agreed to try it for a couple of weeks - just flick through over breakfast and read ONE story. But no, he's on his phone watching videos again. I've even showed him how to flick through, check out the headlines, and skim through something that caches his interest.

I'm frustrated, because I can see that forcing someone to read is not going to work, but I genuinely think he needs this. His brain is atrophying as he stares for hours at his phone. Am I wrong to push this? Is there a different way?

To be clear - there is no animosity and we're not arguing about it. I'm just trying to find a way to make it work.

It's a nice idea that he might be watching useful, thought provoking stuff on Youtube, but he's not. He's watching recorded streams of gamers playing Clash Royale. There can be room for that in his life but not exclusively that.

Dh and I often send interesting links and articles on the family Whatsapp and we chat about it at dinner. He joins in the chat but never reads the article.

We're a family of readers, each in our own way. I plough slowly through mystery novels. Dh reads science magazines and the news on his phone. Both dds read novels, graphic novels, web toons, fan fic, magazines. Anything goes. No reading snobbery.

When my child was younger as soon as we stopped trying to encourage reading was when it was picked up

I love reading and books but not everyone does

Half an hour before lights off, I get in bed with
my DD and we quietly read our books together. Then I get out, say goodnight and turn off her light. She would never read otherwise. It works for us. She is 14, which might sound old for doing this but it is very relaxing and she needs that as she has anxiety.

YANBU but don't underestimate how hard it is to budge when you get self conscious about it. If he did read something you'd probably make a big fuss, sometimes it's hard overcome that. He must read plenty on his phone. Not ideal at all. How much do you read?

Very good points about phone use. It has crept up. I'm going to have a family chat and all agree some limits. That's a really good start.

That's a lovely idea. I always read my book before bed. Maybe I could do it with him? I think that might work with ds.

They’re never going to want to read if the information jumps into their brain without effort from devices.

I’m not against tech but reading should be the norm and the tech the reward, not tech the norm and reading the punishment.

Seriously. Block YouTube in the house for everyone. Any non interactive/ no effort forms of media.

My ds will happily tell anyone who asks that the last book he read was The Twits. He finds no pleasure in reading. To pass GCSE English Literature he watched the films and looked at sample essays and guides how to pass the exam. He determinedly didn't read the books, he got a decent pass. He has a degree and a Masters so the lack of a desire to read hasn't harmed him.
I'm an avid reader, I read to him every day for years, the house is full of books but it never interested him. I was hugely disappointed tbh. He finds it puzzling that I should want to read. He will read a newspaper, particularly the sports pages but that's about it.

This is interesting - we've been told to encourage Dd with audiobooks as she hates reading and is dyslexic. She's doing fine at school, better in maths etc but keeping up.

As I say she hates reading whereas I love it and my degree is in English and her brother is a massive reader.

Mine have no screens after dinner. Reading, TV with the family (quiz show or drama - then bed.)

we are all usually sat reading after dinner together for 20 minutes.

Do you read? Maybe you could suggest a Sunday or Saturday morning coffee shop trip to read papers/magazines? Or you could do this after school? Are there any chunks of time you can fill e.g. between clubs - mine read whilst their siblings are in swimming lessons.

Tie reading into an activity he likes - recipes, instruction manuals?

Bit old for reward chart maybe but maybe not! I do a sticker chart for myself for exercise tbh 😂

How many DC you have? I ask older DS to read something for younger DS while i'm making pancakes - turns it into a nice family time.

Someone suggested graphic novels up thread - I think that's a great start point. Is he into superheroes or anything? 1 step at a time :)

I'm having a similar issue with dd, 18, who has just moved back in.
I think the reading battle is lost but I'm equally concerned about her lack of general knowledge.
I asked which two countries were at war and she could only name Ukraine. Which two countries had just had a devastating earthquake? She said Ukraine again. And most horrifying of all, couldn't name Sunak as the Prime Minister - she thought the PM was a woman.
But she can name everyone on bloody Love Island.

I use Family Link on my sons phone.

If he got his own way he would watch hours of crap on YouTube but I have capped it to 15 minutes a day!

His phone turns off at 8pm so he can't use it at all so he then tends to read when he goes to bed. He is not a big fan of English but loves reading.

It's trying to find the right type of book that will get them emotionally involved.

You have allowed him to bring his phone to the table, stop him doing this. It stifles conversation. Tell him that his phone usage will be monitored until he starts reading something every day. He isn't your friend he is your son and he needs help.

Have you tried reading with him or does he have a younger sibling he could read to? My teenage son loves to read thankfully, but he knows which books he likes/dislikes now. He still enjoys reading with me and re-reading books like Harry Potter with his younger brother.

If he hasn't read them already, The Hungar Game books were a hit when my son was younger, and all the Percy Jackson books! Maybe take him to the book shop and let him read the back covers of a few!

If she enjoys the audiobooks then keep going! Then you could encourage her to read along with if possible.

Audiobooks will still help vocabulary but obviously will not help with recognising structure. I

I would say that audiobooks are definitely better than nothing!

The issue is the phone. His phone use will have dramatically reduced his attention span to the point where he will be incapable of the focus required for reading. He has to retrain his brain and the first thing to do is go cold turkey on the phone or hugely reduce it. That and screen time. I bet he would find it hard to watch a movie all the way through too. Google how to increase attention span and reduce phone use etc.

No phones at the table would be a good way to do it, as the newspaper is just sitting there waiting to be looked at.

Maybe no phones after a certain time in bedrooms as well and then it's either read or sleep.

That's not bloody reading! Ffs

How about a magazine subscription? My son had a car one last year and a boat magazine this year. He loves reading them.

Audio books are a great thing fir any teen. So much snobbery. People need to remember that for most of human life on earth there was no reading. People told stories orally. The human love of radio and podcasts clearly shows humans take in stories through listening

Op the problem here is the phone and the shit he is spending hours watching. Get tough he will thank you later

He isnt going to resent you in years to come for limiting his hours watching mindless crap on youtube. Help him find other ways to spend his time now while you can still control his screen time.

Proper books instead of graphic novels are best. Well written newspaper and magazine articles are good for short bursts and developing stamina. A good reader will score better on English GSCEs; passing those are key to a good job, apprenticeship, or university place.
Why do GSCE boards use two of the worse American novels with controversial racial content, Of Mice and Men and To Kill a Mockingbird? English children should read English authors, and receive more exposure to canon in general.

My personal approach to this would be a hard and fast rule that he HAS to spend xxx amount of time reading when he comes home from school.

I would tell him the rules are now he has to give you his phone and sit at the dining table for however long (even 15 mins) and read. Every day.

No telly, no xbox...nothing until he does his reading.

Massively cut back on the phone use. Definitely not at the table (and make sure family and visitors model that too).

Audiobooks in the car. Then reading books for the grammar and punctuation; decent quality ones with paragraphs as opposed to mostly conversation.

Spy books, sport books, general knowledge books, books on how to win ay certain games are all ideas of places to start. Alex Rider is popular if he's not read that yet