AIBU to ask a 14yo to read for 10 minutes?

[TheOtherBennetSister]

Reading matters. It is a huge indicator of academic success.
Ds is middlingly bright and does okay in science, math and drama, but does quite badly in essay subjects - English and social studies.

He never ever reads. He spends hours watching Youtube videos on his phone, but never reads.

We've had a chat and I've said that slotting some reading into his life would be a good idea. He agrees in principal. I'm not expecting him to plough through War & Peace. Anything he wants to read is fine. Graphic novels, younger readers, Guiness Book of Records, factual books about his interests, ANYTHING. I've put quite a lot of effort into helping him find something that he might enjoy. Nothing appeals. So I ordered the local newspaper to be delivered every morning. He agreed to try it for a couple of weeks - just flick through over breakfast and read ONE story. But no, he's on his phone watching videos again. I've even showed him how to flick through, check out the headlines, and skim through something that caches his interest.

I'm frustrated, because I can see that forcing someone to read is not going to work, but I genuinely think he needs this. His brain is atrophying as he stares for hours at his phone. Am I wrong to push this? Is there a different way?

To be clear - there is no animosity and we're not arguing about it. I'm just trying to find a way to make it work.

I think it's two separate issues. Phone first, give a set time allowance and when it's gone its gone.

Reading i really would ease up as if you force it he will associate it with a chore. I would surround him with books, articles on topics of interest, history, sport, anything and everything. I found when I stood back my son engaged after a year or so reading about boys his age and their experience in the Irish revolution.

He then found a love for Japanese Newspapers, random. He regularly reads now at 15 but I think it took a little
more maturity and a little less pressure.He had always loved reading as a younger child so I think it will come back that this may be just an age thing.

Op you could read short bursts too him with the page and point to words as you go.

Ask him to show you the grammar stuff.

To anyone else reading this... Get in earlier this is far too late.

As for audio books of course they are better than nothing.

Of course reading novels is best, people are being pragmatic, we don't have a reader here! He's not going to pick up dickens!

We have a rule for our 9-yr old, 30-mins reading each night before lights out. I don't really care what he reads, as long as it's something! He knows this is the deal for getting screen time.

If he can read but won't and the reading isn't for school I think YABU. At fourteen he will already have a mind of his own and forced reading will just put his back up. It's akin to a lesson at school he has to sit through. Buy a magazine or a book about whatever he is interested in and leave it lying around.

My DS is 11 and has some reading difficulties and likes to read along with an audio book, and also to reread favourite books again and again.
I can recommend camping as a good way to have a screen free weekend (though DS doesn't have a phone, but last time we went my battery kept going flat so I was screen free too except for the odd photo/text to DH or the friends we were with, and he couldn't beg to play on mine).
We still get him to read to us a bit each day, he loves graphic novels though and I think reading together but separately is a lovely idea before bed.

OH and I were talking about this today. He said that outside school he never read a book of fiction. Only national geographic and readers digest. He'd never read with a torch at night. Bed was for sleeping. He said that it was a waste of time. His spelling is atrocious for that reason I said.

I am actually horrified.

What are his interests? What’s he looking at on his phone and on YouTube? Can you obtain books which relate to his interests?

OH and I were talking about this today. He said that outside school he never read a book of fiction. Only national geographic and readers digest.

That is actually good enough. My DH and DS are the same. With DS, we tried everything, from libraries to Waterstones to treats for reading and even money... he suffered through popular books like Harry Potter and Hunger Games, and only things he actually enjoyed reading were books about tanks or planes or animals. National Geographic too...
at least it was easy to dress him up for the World Book Day

Suggestions of how to encourage more reading that we use 🙂

Trade phone time for reading. 30 mins reading = 30 mins phone

Have him read aloud to you

Let him stay up later provided he reads for that time

Read the same book & discuss it

If I had my way, there would be an hour set aside every day of a child's schooling, from age 5 to 16, when they would be read to in silence. Just one hour every day (scrap idiotic subjects like Geography to make room). At 5 or 6, it would be simple stuff like Wind in the Willows or James and the Giant Peach. By 12 or 13, they would be read to from the classics – Dickens, Jane Austen, Thomas Hardy, etc. Don't underestimate children. The majority of young teens would soon learn to process Dickens and Austen. It might take them a little time, but they'd get it.

I'd also make it a rule that the authors must be British. Children should be taught to know, and take pride in, the literature of their country. Later, of course, they will (hopefully) read books from around the world. But children need roots. And a nation is defined more by its literature than by anything else. It would never happen, of course, because the left would scream the house down. The idea of teaching British children to identify with their own writers, and be proud of their own literature! Ha, are you kidding me? The very idea! Oh my god, the left would have a collective nervous breakdown.

I'd also make it compulsory for children to read out loud to a teacher for 20 minutes, at least once a week – ideally from sections of dialogue.

I'm a big fan of reading together. I really like mummadeze 's idea of reading your own books together in bed before lights out. But also I don't think it is ever too late to read aloud to another person. Dh has read all sorts to dd(12) over the years including Lord of the flies, Harry Potter (all) charlottes web, animal farm, watership down, lord of the rings (all) his dark materials (all) Emma etc. it's quiet a nice bonding activity for them too.

Agree totally to coming down hard on screens, but bear in mind that reading-resisters will often do anything other than read! You may have to force this.

Every time a parent feels uncomfortable about "forcing" a teenager to do something, my response is "If your teen was at a boarding school or camp, would you be fine with the boarding school staff/camp staff forcing him/her to clean their room, do chores, shower, have set reading times etc"? Invariably the answer is "Yes, I'd be fine with them doing that, as they are in loco parentis." Sure. So parents, who are in actual parentis, should have no hesitation about doing the same things.

I have two dyslexic kids, a little younger so I’m not sure if this is ok for a 14yo. But they get devices taken away at dinner time. They get half an hour to read in bed before lights out. If they aren’t reading its lights out earlier. This has worked for us.
you could also find a book like Harry Potter that both your kids would like and read to the younger one and hopefully the older one might like to listen too.
Not everyone likes to read, audio books are nearly as good as actually reading so if that’s all you can get them to do that’s fine.

You just need to find the right book (suggestion on audio book is good too), what is he into?

Stealth reading.

He's old enough to cook a meal. So once a week he has to pick a recipe, write a shopping list and cook.

But he can only use cook books, either ones at home, or from the library.

One school I worked in had a 'do now' which was something on the board that the children had to do as soon as they came into the room. One thing you could put on the board was 5 mins 'silent reading'.

If every teacher put that on the board each child would have read for 30 mins.

Could you do 5 mins several times a day?

How about he can go to bed half an hour later but he's only allowed to read in bed for that half hour?

How are you buying your books? Sounds silly but mine are much more engaged with reading when they physically choose a book from a book shop rather than online.

Could you bribe him financially to read?

£1 for every newspaper/£5 per novel.

Surely all this dragging to libraries and delivery of print newspapers is hopeless when it’s the actual sensation of a phone / iPad in the hand that they’re addicted to?

1. Choose a newspaper. Ensure he has its app on his phone. Get him to read one whole article of his choosing aloud, to you, every day.

2. Get the kindle (or any other book download) app on his device. Actively encourage, bribe, force, him to download free sample extracts of any books he likes the look of. Again, get him to read, say a five minute extract, aloud, to you, every day. Eventually he’ll be interested enough in something to finish the sample - and either download the whole book or buy the printed volume.

I don’t envy you in this, I must say. It’s much easier to impose such activities when they’re younger and more biddable. It must be so frustrating!

Have you heard of PressReader? If you're a member of your library, you will be able to use your library card number to get completely free access on your phone, tablet or iPad. It's a website. Every day you can read pretty much every newspaper and there are endless magazines. Just in our house, we read SFX, Empire, Total Film, Beano, Prima, crafting magazines, PC Pro, Gaming, football magazines, National geographic, the list goes on. All free and the latest issues, plus you can get back dated issues.

I'm sure your son could find a magazine that matches an interest he has. Then, once he is back in the habit of reading, he may be more inclined to pick a fiction book.

Update:
We had a family meeting.

Item 1: I said I was unhappy with the amount of phone use for ALL of us (Dh and I included) and suggested we trial a 1 month 'absolutely no phones at the table for any reason ever, including breakfast' rule. All agreed.
I asked the kids what would work for them to cut down phone use.

Eldest says she'll install a wellbeing app that limits the amount of time of mindless scrolling apps.
Ds says he would prefer a simple time deadline - no phones before 8.30am or after 7pm.
Youngest is only 11 so she is only allowed 2 X 20 minutes to look at her phone and send messages anyway.

Item 2: Reading.
I said that reading was non-negotiable and explained why.
Everyone chose personal goals that will work for them.
Ds and I did bedtime reading together and, youngest dd joined us. It was nice.

At breakfast this morning there were no phones. Everyone flicked through the paper. Youngest read a Beano. Eldest did the crossword. Ds still doesn't particularly want to read the paper but he's being good humoured about it
(reading is breakfast only btw - at dinner we chat).

This thread has been useful for me to work out the problem and kick my butt into parenting more deliberately and actively. Thanks all.

Pleased to read this OP. Long may it continue.

@justasking111

I'm extremely well read and can't spell.

My dd isn't well read and is a very good speller.

Read update well done op