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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter broke her arm

72 replies

Cootes · 05/03/2023 11:42

My daughter had a sleepover with three of her friends, they were fooling around, throwing pillows at each other etc and one of the friends jumped into my DD and broke her arm. The friend has not acknowledged the accident happening, didn’t apologise, in fact tried to make out my daughter was attention seeking even after we went to A&E and had the xRay confirming it’s broken, didn’t say thank you when she left and I’ve had not a word from her mother. Am I wrong to feel very upset by this whole situation. Accidents happen and I didn’t want the friend to feel bad at the time but today I’m livid and the impact the broken arm has on my daughter is huge, it’s her right hand, no sport etc.

OP posts:

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 05/03/2023 11:44

This is typically how people behave when they fear the consequences of admission. I know you're understandably angry but it was an accident and I'd let it go.
When people ask how it happened you can tell them but make sure you acknowledge it was an accident. These things happen,it wasn't intentional. Don't make it a thing or you'll ruin your daughters friendship.

henchhen · 05/03/2023 11:48

I assume they were all messing about (including your DD) and that it was a complete accident. Although it would be nice, and ideal, for them to acknowledge what happened and apologise - I can see why they might be embarrassed and not wanting to admit their part in what happened. If they're friends and this is a one off genuine accident I'd let it go for the sake of your DDs friendship

PennyRa · 05/03/2023 12:28

If she doesn't think what happened would have caused a break did you check with the doctors there wasn't more going on?

Flamingogirl08 · 05/03/2023 12:29

Well they were all messing about and it was an accident so YABU

ShakespearesBlister · 05/03/2023 12:36

My arm was broken by another child when I was younger through rough play. It was a genuine accident. They didn't realise they had hurt me and I didn't realise it was broken until it didn't get better and I had an x-ray. I don't remember my parents being angry but we lived next door to eachother and they did speak to the other child's parents, who themselves were not aware of what had happened to me because their child didn't tell them. Perhaps tell the parents what has happened so their daughter is aware they know she caused injury but it's not going to change things now or unbreak it unfortunately.

Marchforward · 05/03/2023 12:39

How old are these children?

EyesOnThePies · 05/03/2023 12:40

It was 100% an accident and your Dd could just have easily crashed into her friend and she be injured.

The friend is probably traumatised and terrified.

It’s horrible to see your child injured and in pain. Focus on supporting her and don’t take your emotional reaction out in her friend. She will need her friends around her while she convalesces, to play and stay in contact with.

I hope the break heals quickly and without complications.

Have you sent for a Limbo cast cover? Invaluable for bath / shower.

ChildminderMum · 05/03/2023 12:42

What age are the children?

It was an accident and the other child is probably scared of getting in trouble etc.

DaveyJonesLocker · 05/03/2023 12:42

How old are they? It sounds like an accident and the girl probably felt awkward and uncomfortable but I don't actually think it was her fault. They were messing about. Someone got hurt. It could have been the other kids arm that got broke. Really, as the supervising adult, it's more your responsibility than hers.

MistyFrequencies · 05/03/2023 12:43

It was an accident. The poor kid probably feels awful about it. Dont make it worse for her.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/03/2023 12:45

Assuming they're quite young, I suspect the friend is terrified of being shouted at or told off for what happened, even though it was a total accident.

It's very common for children to pretend nothing has happened when they think the alternative is getting told off. Of course in an ideal world she should apologise but I reckon you may find her parents encourage her to write an apology card or something and give it to her at school.

NuffSaidSam · 05/03/2023 12:45

Agree with everyone else.

It was an accident. It would be the right thing for her to say sorry, but she was probably worried about getting into trouble/upset about hurting her friend.

She should also have said thanks when she left. It sounds like she doesn't have great manners.

But being 'livid' because your daughter's friend doesn't have good manners is really OTT. You'll be livid for the rest of your life if you feel that way everytime you encounter someone who doesn't say sorry or thanks when they should!

Mabelface · 05/03/2023 12:48

Kid's probably shitting themselves about getting into trouble so is pretending it's not happened. Way too big in their head to cope with. Tell her mum, with the emphasis that she's not in trouble, you know it was an accident and that dd will be okay.

GoodChat · 05/03/2023 12:50

How old is she? As the others have said, she's scared of getting into trouble.

IncompleteSenten · 05/03/2023 12:55

Did you tell her mum?
If not then I'd bet she hasn't told her what happened.

As others have said, she'll be really scared. Children don't think like or act like adults and what seems obviously appropriate to an adult (taking responsibility, apologising, etc) can be scary as hell for a child.

LIZS · 05/03/2023 13:03

Not sure what you are asking. It was an accident, in the heat of the pillow fight, presumably on your watch. If you took dd to A and E why were the parents not picking up sooner and aware you were not there? Expecting some sort of apology seems off the mark.

yikesanotherbooboo · 05/03/2023 13:03

I don't understand why you are livid. It was an accident there is nothing to be gaining by apportioning blame or wasting energy on the other child's reaction. She probably feels awful.

Purplehyena · 05/03/2023 13:08

It was an accident, your daughter was also messing around. No need to be livid.

ImustLearn2Cook · 05/03/2023 13:16

If you are livid then she is probably sensing that and is scared of you. She is acting out of fear and self protection.

Streamside · 05/03/2023 13:20

The mother is probably terrified of an insurance claim and may have warned the other girl not to comment. It was an unfortunate accident and there's little point in making any more out of it.

mumto2teenagers · 05/03/2023 13:25

Why are you livid over an accident? No wonder she is scared to admit it.

SomersetBrie · 05/03/2023 13:26

I think it's ok to be upset about it.
Did you tell the other mother? Are you sure she knows?
I'd want to know if my DD was involved in another child being badly injured - just so I could ask her to apologise and maybe be a bit more careful in future.
I wouldn't be annoyed or angry, these things happen.

SoupDragon · 05/03/2023 13:27

today I’m livid

i hope you are also livid with your DD who was fooling about and throwing cushions and thus complicit in the accident.

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 13:27

The impact is huge for your daughter I understand, but if they engage in rough play, this is a consequence.

It was an accident.

Maybe tell your daughter to not get involved in future?

JonSnowedUnder · 05/03/2023 13:28

You haven't said how old but it's really common for children to be overwhelmed by serious situations and act in a way which can seem cold or unusual. I would guess the other girl may not have processed what happened and it could take her a while.

Awful for your daughter (and you), hope she recovers quickly.

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