Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter broke her arm

72 replies

Cootes · 05/03/2023 11:42

My daughter had a sleepover with three of her friends, they were fooling around, throwing pillows at each other etc and one of the friends jumped into my DD and broke her arm. The friend has not acknowledged the accident happening, didn’t apologise, in fact tried to make out my daughter was attention seeking even after we went to A&E and had the xRay confirming it’s broken, didn’t say thank you when she left and I’ve had not a word from her mother. Am I wrong to feel very upset by this whole situation. Accidents happen and I didn’t want the friend to feel bad at the time but today I’m livid and the impact the broken arm has on my daughter is huge, it’s her right hand, no sport etc.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 05/03/2023 13:29

when my son's arm was broken accidently in play, my response was to visit the parent and reassure them that it was totally an accident and no one was to blame

Have you offered that reassurance OP?

quietnightmare · 05/03/2023 13:30

How old ?

RandomUsernameHere · 05/03/2023 13:32

Agree she should have apologised, even though it was an accident. How old are the children? It must have been a pretty hard impact to break your DD's arm. Were you supervising the children?

EyesOnThePies · 05/03/2023 13:33

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 13:27

The impact is huge for your daughter I understand, but if they engage in rough play, this is a consequence.

It was an accident.

Maybe tell your daughter to not get involved in future?

I have spent many hours in the children's wards and fracture clinic. A huge number of children's fractures seem to occur in boys, playing football, cricket or other sport.

I can't imagine a boy being told 'not to engage' in physical activity like that.

They were kids. Playing.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 05/03/2023 13:34

SoupDragon · 05/03/2023 13:27

today I’m livid

i hope you are also livid with your DD who was fooling about and throwing cushions and thus complicit in the accident.

Unless I've read it wrong, she isn't livid that the accident happened, more the lack of acknowledgement and the fact that no one has checked in or asked how she's doing.
Her DD probably feels very sad and hurt by this too.

EyesOnThePies · 05/03/2023 13:35

RandomUsernameHere · 05/03/2023 13:32

Agree she should have apologised, even though it was an accident. How old are the children? It must have been a pretty hard impact to break your DD's arm. Were you supervising the children?

Nope - a bit of a fall at an awkward angle can cause a break.

SparkyBlue · 05/03/2023 13:35

My daughter broke her wrist recently at a party. It was a total accident and the result of them messing about. First thing I did was reassure the party mother and other parents of girls who were there was that it was a total accident as they all contacted me afterwards. These things happen

Shopper727 · 05/03/2023 13:35

Accidents happen, I’m a paeds nurse and I’ve seen all sorts of accidents resulting in fractures, kids are very active and break arms, legs etc collar bones is a popular one. They are accidents, your daughter could easily have done the same if she’d fallen on her friend and fractured her arm, it will heal and perhaps your daughter and her friends could calm down the crazy play in future or just be kids? You can’t wrap them in cotton wool but a warning about not being quite so rowdy/consequences might be in order not blaming other kids for doing the same as your own child under your roof/supervision?

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 05/03/2023 13:36

So you daughter got injured while she was pissing about while in your care?

Little bit of transference of guilt going on there perhaps?

Griefgood · 05/03/2023 13:36

@EyesOnThePies I was relating to the fact that OP was saying the impact was huge. If that's a massive issue then don't do the action that's likely to cause it.

I've two boys. Many times I've been in a&e from sport, but I wouldn't have got so wound up that it had happened. I dealt with it, they did and moved on.

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2023 13:39

How old are the girls?

The poor thing is probably really shitting herself that she is going to get into trouble. Did you reassure her that it was an accident?

These things happen, it's not nice that they do but it could have easily have been your daughter breaking her arm as they were playing.

RandomUsernameHere · 05/03/2023 13:41

@EyesOnThePies the OP didn't say her DD fell though, the friend jumped into her and broke her arm.

JenniferBarkley · 05/03/2023 13:45

The injury just sounds like one of those things - very annoying and doubtless painful, but we can all be unlucky and land wrong and break a bone. Sounds like they were all playing together and the girl she collided with wasn't being any rougher than the others. She was probably scared.

If I was the mum I probably would've gotten in touch but life is busy, it's only lunchtime, she might do later on.

Btjdkfnn · 05/03/2023 13:50

It was an accident. All of them were messing about - bashing with pillows is obviously physical. There were in your house so you were presumably OK with this going on?

If they were bashing with pillows, I'm assuming they are relatively young - and for that reason, yabu to expect a child to get herself into a shit load of trouble with you. I think a 14yo would apologise, but an 11yo for example, would be terrified.

I'm not sure what you want from her mother. You were in charge.

Original poster
Cootes · 05/03/2023 14:41

thank you for your comments. She’s 12. Yes it was accident, accidents happen, crikey I don’t blame the child or the children. I’m not angry that she broke her arm, in fact I feel relieved it was my daughter and not one of her friends that was injured, at least I was here for her at the time. That in itself provoked a range of emotions for me. I’m not transferring any guilt of anything. They were having a great time and I’m thrilled to have been able to provide a sleepover in a ‘safe’ and fun environment. I’m upset that the girl in question was unable to say sorry even in private. As you say it’s emotional maturity. I was livid with myself for the whole situation but reading your comments has brought me back down to earth and I’m over it. Thank you so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cootes · 05/03/2023 14:44

Oh and I haven’t mentioned it to the mum nor will I. What’s done is done no point dragging out an unchangeable situation. I’m pretty sure the bottom line is we are all taught from the word go to apologise if we do something we know is ‘wrong’ even if it’s an accident.

OP posts:
Eggsley · 05/03/2023 14:46

It was an accident. It's upsetting when it happens to your child and it's horrible for them but the other child will likely be terrified.

DS1 broke his arm last summer - he, DS2 and a friend had been pestering me to go on a bouncy castle, I gave in to the pestering, paid for them to go on, they were playing hide and seek tag chasing each other - DS1 came down the slide, tripped over the safety mat and landed awkwardly. He needed emergency surgery, had his arm wired up, spent 8 weeks in plaster and it took about 4 months to fully recover, no sport for the whole time. It was his right arm too. I felt dreadful for letting them go on, DS2 was upset because his brother had hurt himself, friend was distraught as she had been playing the game too and saw it happen. I was in text contact with her mum that day and the next, the poor girl was in shock and more upset than DS1 was, she needed reassurance that he was ok, it was an accident, just one of those things, no-one was to blame.

Maybe text the mum to let her know you are back from hospital and just checking that her daughter is ok as it must have been a shock for them all? They might not want to intrude if they think you have a lot going on at the moment?

Mumsanetta · 05/03/2023 14:48

Why on earth would you not mention it to the mum?! I really wouldn’t be happy at the failure to disclose something pretty significant happening at a sleepover. Big difference between blaming the child and telling the mum but you need to tell the mum.

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2023 14:58

Cootes · 05/03/2023 14:44

Oh and I haven’t mentioned it to the mum nor will I. What’s done is done no point dragging out an unchangeable situation. I’m pretty sure the bottom line is we are all taught from the word go to apologise if we do something we know is ‘wrong’ even if it’s an accident.

I would mention it to her mum just to ask if her daughter is ok? She's probably terrified that she's going to get into trouble. I would call her mum, tell her about it and ask her to let her know that you know it was an accident.

I bet an apology would come after that.

Mariposista · 05/03/2023 15:07

The kids were arsing about and one got hurt. It could have been any one of them, but it was your child. The other girl is not scared she will be in trouble, when it was fact all 3 girls at fault that one got hurt by the sound of it. YABVU.

WhatNoRaisins · 05/03/2023 15:11

For what it's worth OP I wouldn't be impressed with my children if at 12 they couldn't manage an apology to someone they hurt. It's poor behaviour.

Original poster
Cootes · 05/03/2023 15:15

@ whatnoraisins I think that’s were I’m at in it all.

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 05/03/2023 15:16

Three kids messing about and accidents happen. Why does anybody need to apologise? Just be robust and funny about it, and encourage your daughter to make light of it too (altho perhaps she will learn to be more careful in future!).

Season0fTheWitch · 05/03/2023 15:17

Cootes · 05/03/2023 14:41

thank you for your comments. She’s 12. Yes it was accident, accidents happen, crikey I don’t blame the child or the children. I’m not angry that she broke her arm, in fact I feel relieved it was my daughter and not one of her friends that was injured, at least I was here for her at the time. That in itself provoked a range of emotions for me. I’m not transferring any guilt of anything. They were having a great time and I’m thrilled to have been able to provide a sleepover in a ‘safe’ and fun environment. I’m upset that the girl in question was unable to say sorry even in private. As you say it’s emotional maturity. I was livid with myself for the whole situation but reading your comments has brought me back down to earth and I’m over it. Thank you so much.

A 12 year old doesn't need to be emotionally mature. Speak to her parents if you want an apology, and they will model the right behaviour

WhatNoRaisins · 05/03/2023 15:17

Obviously I wouldn't expect them to be grovelling on their knees or anything just an acknowledgment that the person got hurt, that isn't nice and I'm sorry if my actions contributed towards it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread