Daughter broke her arm

[Cootes]

My daughter had a sleepover with three of her friends, they were fooling around, throwing pillows at each other etc and one of the friends jumped into my DD and broke her arm. The friend has not acknowledged the accident happening, didn’t apologise, in fact tried to make out my daughter was attention seeking even after we went to A&E and had the xRay confirming it’s broken, didn’t say thank you when she left and I’ve had not a word from her mother. Am I wrong to feel very upset by this whole situation. Accidents happen and I didn’t want the friend to feel bad at the time but today I’m livid and the impact the broken arm has on my daughter is huge, it’s her right hand, no sport etc.

So it was an accident. The friend prob feels horrendous about it and just wanted to go home. How old are they?

I think you should have told the parents what happened and they would probably have supported their daughter to apologise. However if it was a complete accident a 12 year old might not realise an apology was expected. It doesn't sound from your description as though the 12 year old did anything wrong. It would be nice if she showed caring behaviour towards her friend though.

It was an accident- they were all messing around including the dd and this will have come as a huge shock to the dc who of course did not set out to break your DD's arm. It's not an unusual response even though it's not the one you want. Maybe they'll all be a bit more sensible from now on

Your daughter has a broken arm and you're fixating on an apology followed by thanks for the sleepover, think you need a lie down.🙄

I would check the other girl has even told her mother that your daughter's arm is broken, or how. I suspect the child is covering up her own involvement.

I had this from the other perspective a few years ago, dd had been at a sleepover with some trampoline play, as far as she knew the sleepover passed without incident but the mum of one of the guests phoned me the next day and accused my dd of breaking her dd’s arm. She said it had happened on the trampoline, my dd had supposedly stood on her girl’s arm and there was “a crack”, I questioned why she hadn’t mentioned anything about it to anyone and didn’t get a straight answer, just a load of passive aggressive moaning that we had basically ruined her dd’s life. It turned out her arm wasn’t broken at all. I’ve no idea what either of them were trying to achieve with their lying nonsense but I remember being really pissed off at the accusation that it was anything other than an unfortunate accident. I can’t imagine you pushing for an apology will achieve much.

@ onebegonia what should I be fixating on, that you think I’m not, in this instance? And yes I would love a lie down. Also YABVU what does that mean? Possibly ‘you are being very unfair?’ Why? Because a 12 year old girl purposefully jumped on someone else and the consequence was a broken arm. What is the appropriate emotion that I should be feeling here?

I can’t believe you don’t know what YABVU means when you’re posting on a sub called Am I being Unreasonable

They were all roughhousing. How you behave now will impact your daughter's behaviour for the rest of her life: do you want her to be the kid that has adventures and then fixes the consequences or the one who stands back from the action because she is concerned about the worst case scenario?
Let it go, tell the group that next time they all need to be more aware. Don't lay blame: realistically it could have been any of them.

Junebirdie . It’s my first time on Mumsnet . Everyone has to start somewhere.

You've went from accidents happen to Because a 12 year old girl purposefully jumped on someone else, I think you sound completely ridiculous and when I said you're misguided in fixating on apologies and thank yous, I'd have thought you'd be more concerned with your DDs welfare than demonising another young person.
Get a grip.

YANBU.

It was an accident but at twelve, the other girl should know to apologise. It’s very bad manners for the girl and her parents to ignore this without something from the mum like, “Oh my goodness how is your DD? X feels so awful, I know it was an accident but she’s so sorry this has happened.”

It’s this. DS2 was badly injured in a similar accident. It was potentially very serious- it was touch and go whether he would lose an eye. The other child’s parents, who we had known for years, made no attempt to contact us or find out how DS was. They were both doctors and were aware of how badly hurt he was as it had happened at the home of another mutual friend who took DS to hospital.
Nobody was blaming anybody, it was kids messing around, but it really stung that they didn’t bother to even pick up the phone.
YANBU OP

I imagine she is mortified and embarrassed. Even adults avoid people when they have done something wrong and too embarrassed to apologise as fear a hugely negative reaction.

I'd take my cue from my daughter...laughing about it, happy with her friend and pleased (overall) with how the sleepover went? Fine.

Daughter upset, perhaps trying to hide that, not wanting to talk about the sleepover... something's up. Perhaps the friend isn't a friend really?

We need to know how the daughter feels.

Have you thought about the other child going home and bawling her eyes out about this accident, being terrified of you etc and her mother being pissed off that the girls were allowed to behave like this?

I have a teen boy and a teen girl. I have not allowed anybody to throw/hit with pillows at sleepovers.

Your best bet is to chalk this up to experience and your dd will likely recover speedily. In a couple of months, this will be a memory.

I have a teen boy and a teen girl. I have not allowed anybody to throw/hit with pillows at sleepovers.

You don't allow your children to have pillow fights? How miserable.

I can't see anything on this that suggests the other mum even knows about this.

I would want to know if this happened when my child was on a sleepover. Not to be angry, but just to wish broken arm girl well.

I’d certainly be apologetic if a child got injured at my house. A friend of DD’s did end up in a&e during a sleepover at my house after splitting her head open when she fell off an oil drum. Maybe barrel walking in the garden wasn’t the best activity. I did take her to a&e and took her home the next day full of apologies and a head injury leaflet!

ds(19) broke his elbow when he was 13. It had big consequences for him as he was dropped from the football team because of the timing of it (whole other story!)

While I thought his friend that caused the accident had been a silly bugger, it never once entered my mind if he had apologised or to be "livid" at him. Sounds like when you came down from the adrenaline of your child being hurt, you were trying to find an outlet for your feelings of concern for your dd and the subsequent consequences of the accident. Glad you've managed to redirect your energies elsewhere.

Insurance claim? What for?

it was an accident, and the kids are underage. What would be the basis for any sort of claim?

are you in the US by any chance?

I'd call her mum just let her know what happened, tgat it was an accident, your DD is fine though several weeks out of sports etc. And that you're hoping her DD doesn't feel so bad about it all.

Open the door, give her a chance to show yiu a different side...