AIBVB - Am I being very British (lighthearted thread)

[Wills]

I want to know situations where you think to yourself "No other culture would do this! I'm sooo British"
So for me we have 4 kids and despite warning them that it's their planet and could they turn off lights as well as energy bills are going up etc they fail consistently. So Dh has lost it and changed the worst offending light switches to ones that react to Alexa so that we can go to bed and basically say "Alexa turn off all lights". The thing is that whenever I give Alexa a command and it does it I always say thank you. I'm responding to a computer with politeness, enough so that my younger kids are doing the same and the older ones just laugh. Anyone else have similar examples of being very British.?

Agree with this. So many threads on MN about things which are supposedly uniquely British - most of them are not.

I went to the US for three weeks. At customs they asked if I had any plants (along with a list of other things you can't bring in). I panicked and said I had tea bags (they are leaves 🤷‍♀️). Pulled out 120 tea bags. The customs officer asked if I was bringing them for the relative I was visiting. I said "no, these are for me". He seemed to think that was a lot of tea.

Two weeks into the holiday I ran out I went to the US for three weeks. At customs they asked if I had any plants (along with a list of other things you can't bring in). I panicked and said I had tea bags (they are leaves 🤷‍♀️). Pulled out 120 tea bags. The customs agent

Not quite sure what happened to my post!

Two weeks into the holiday I ran out. I found a Starbucks for an emergency cup of tea. THEY FROTHED THE MILK!! I found myself wandering around in search of tea bags at 11pm...

Queueing. Not sure whether it’s just particular to the area i live in or not but I find people of British heritage think the bedrock of society is based on polite queuing. Not even a literal queue/line required but knowing your place in regards to who is before/after you in terms of arrival order. If someone comes and doesn’t take ‘their place’ in rightful queue order there is then a seething mass of discontent for some time. No one says anything but there is a lot of looking around with everyone doing ‘WTAF’ eyes and shooting daggers at the culprit.

Talking about the weather and using the weather as a way to say things without actually saying them
e.g. talking about how miserable the weather has been to say things are a bit rough/you're feeling low, but showing you're not feeling like that/can see things will improve by saying "but it's predicted to be fairly warm next week" or "the mornings will be getting lighter soon".

This, people who think manners and the use of please and thank you are very much a British thing surely can’t be that well traveled.

‘Not too bad, all things considered’

When I apologised to my dishwasher when I bumped into it.

when I was explaining to my NZ friend that ‘interesting’ as a response can either mean ‘interesting’ or ‘that is fucking uninteresting’

I say thank you to cashpoints, Siri, the lot!
I think ‘negative politeness’ is quite British - prefacing everything with I’m sorry to bother you, don’t take this the wrong way but, etc.

'Agree with this. So many threads on MN about things which are supposedly uniquely British - most of them are not.'*
*
Like queuing. I have travelled all over the world and yes there are countries who don't queue, but most do! It's hardly a British thing to line up and wait your turn. Also, sarcasm is universal! You would think Britain is full of bumbling Hugh Grant types from these threads and it just isn't at all!

I find these threads weird. I have also come to the conclusion that the types of people who appear to believe only Brits have good manners aren’t well travelled or don’t have friends/family of other cultures. It’s also partly to do with English exceptionalism.

In many countries around the world, it’s normal to say ‘please/thank you’ or whatever their equivalent of good manners is. Sometimes it could be the version of the phrase implies ‘please/thank you’ in their language. Also many other countries queue.

We are a mixed couple from different cultures and continents. 😂 Is that enough credentials?

Of course others say sorry/thank you and queue. No one argues they don't.
They however, usually don't do it obsessively like people in Britain.

Its odd isn’t it, I find the people who think British people do it constantly are actually rude and not doing it themselves, so as they’re failing to do it, when they see it it stands out.

I always think the queuing thing is over mentioned on these types of threads (I am Swedish. We queue.) but the please and thank you but is fair. Other people/languages/cultures obv have similar words but it only takes looking at at British quiz show to notice it. If Sarah Millican is on she says “can I have a vowel please Rachel. And a consonant please, thank you. And a vowel please thank you” and so on. In Swedish the “could I” with a friendly tone of voice is enough because we have no word for please. (Then we have a complicated system of thank yous to compensate.) This differs a lot obv depending on sex, nationality ans other things - but what I notice that is that you are inclined to find people rude who don’t say please and thank you obsessively. I’m trying to remember that myself. Even if I’m friendly and obv not demanding, I say please once and thank you at the end I am conscious that you Brits will walk away with an impression that I was a bit up myself/rude.

As an outsider it’s funny because British people can be SO rude haha.

I’ve spent a lot of time all over Europe, and no one queues like the British. Half the time it looks like a queue then when the time comes to move it becomes a free for all

I really miss my old satnav. It used to have Joanna Lumley to tell me “oh darling please turn around where possible”

Love that 😂

My family still gets giggles remembering when they visited here, we went to an event in a city and there was this MASIVE queue. Like 100+. We wondered if it's for some special part of event so asked the last ones in the queue.
"Hi sorry, what is the queue for?"
"No idea"
😂 It was hilarious. We asked few more and basically none of them knew but it must be something good since there is such a big queue.

As pp, I sometimes have to make conscious effort to add please and thank you and sorry even when normally polite.
I think top sorry encounter was colleague starting her 3rd complaint about her reasonable adjustments not being implemented properly so it affected her work, with "Sorry to bother you again"

Thank you cards.... Even after person said thank you face to face?

It's all nice and kind of cute, but basically politness on major override.
Every country has something which is their specialty behaviour

As a non Brit, I think the most British thing is the use of awkwardness as a social convention. It seems like certain situations need to be awkward or they’ve not been done right!

Having just had a long conversation in French with a slightly optimistic person on Facebook Marketplace over something I've got for sale (it is a bit of a design classic, and British, so I guess there aren't that many of them in France, but probably still not worth coming all that way for), I was impressed by the sheer politeness of his message. No British person on Marketplace has ever signed off by wishing me a nice evening!

I think public signs in France are more polite, too- they always cordially thank you for not littering, parking etc.

This. I also find the "Aren't we funny and cute with our cups of tea, queueing and politeness" quite grating. My experience as a foreigner outside London (which was better for me as more mixed) is: Being Very British = constant 'othering' of anyone who doesn't quite fit in; inherent conservatism to a disturbing degree; patriarchal values widely accepted; mostly polite, yes, but only on the surface.

Well, the whole empire thing was quite bad manners, wasn't it? Not sure we said please before taking countries over...

But I get what you mean. If I get off the middle door of a bus I feel rude not thanking the driver so I just thank the bus quietly when I step onto the pavement.

I have friends from a central European country, I asked how you say please and thank you in their language when we visited them and they said 'you don't!' it took them ages to be able to get on a bus etc again when they moved back from England as they needed to push their way on instead of queuing politely.

The same friends also got pissed off with manners a bit, eg in the UK you often have the sense you've done something wrong but no one tells you flat out what it is, they're just off with you. Directness can make life easier!

In Japan the ATM machines have a cartoon character that bows at you.

Understatements I find particularly British. A gas leak causes an explosion causing your house to collapse and you phone a friend and say, "I have a bit of a problem".

On the queuing thing, when HMQ dies it was a very British way to mark her passing by creating the longest queue ever.

The idea that everything can be improved with a cup of tea.

It isn't hard to grasp that many cultures practice politeness and manners without taking it to the excessive levels of the British. We do saying please, sorry and thank you a lot.

There are of course other forms of politeness expressed, for instance Japanese culture is all about saving and protecting face.

That's not good manners is it, though, thanking the Alexa. It's just daft. I get your point, that the thank you is so ingrained, but I'm not sure it's a sign of being British so much as a sign of having habits.
In France, the way that British people interact could be perceived as really impolite, because people do not say hello and goodbye in the same way. In France, if you are displaying good manners, you would say hello when you enter a shop for example, or a café or you would say hello to the people next to you in a restaurant. You most would not thank the bus driver, (you could) the polite thing is to say goodbye. Basically, British people can be rude without realising.

We live on a single track road with blind corners (but near the M25 so can get busy). I'd requested a slow driver from our taxi firm (in my defence, the police have prosecuted them for dangerous driving as they drive like nutters).

Our taxi driver shot off down our road at 60 mph, hurtling round the blind corners. The gods were looking down on us as we didn't meet another car which is very rare. It was sufficiently terrifying that we're still traumatised every time we drive around the same corners in case he's coming the other way.

Yet we were too polite to ask him to slow down so meekly accepted the risk of serious injury or death. Why?!