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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to hen

73 replies

irishgalx · 04/03/2023 14:27

My partner brother is getting married soon.
His wife to be has known me basically her whole life. we used to be quite friendly until she said things about me a number of times to my partner and her partner which was all lies. However, I just ignored it but she created a very hostile situation for me a her soon to be husband who has basically told me that he didn’t like me but now does.

I have tried to have a relationship with her and would be really good to her children who have been told by her not to call me auntie LOL.

I am the only one who hasn’t been invited to the hen party after being invited by her MIL whose whole family and friends have been invited.

AIBU to be annoyed it more the principle of being left ouT that has upset me and more so my mil has asked me and then did not speak to me when it was booked only for my partner asking me about it assuming I had booked on.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 04/03/2023 14:43

I don't think I'd have expected an invite in your shoes, it sounds like you don't get on.

MoneyInTheBananaStand · 04/03/2023 14:45

Why would you wanna go to the hen of someone who doesn't like you? I know you've said lots of family are going, but still...

It would be a super awkward and boring event for you surely.

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 04/03/2023 14:45

Why would you want to go?

GoodChat · 04/03/2023 14:46

Why would expect to be invited when the only contact you have is hostile?

CheersForThatEh · 04/03/2023 14:47

Yabu. She doesnt like you so it wont be fun. Go out with friends that like you. I honestly dont get why you are invested in pleasing her.

Thatiswild · 04/03/2023 14:47

I wouldn’t have expected an invitation in this situation and I wouldn’t fancy going to the wedding either, it sounds very toxic.

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 14:48

It’s the principle of the situation and to try and mend the relationship to make things a bit better.

OP posts:
Quveas · 04/03/2023 14:49

I'm not sure why you are expecting an invite, nor why you would want one. You clearly hate each other.

5128gap · 04/03/2023 14:49

My advice is to distance yourself physically and mentally from them. If its unavoidable you're together at family occasions, be perfectly polite but don't get involved. They are not your friends and don't want to be considered as family, so put them in the acquaintance box and focus on your own life. It sounds like the type of dynamic that will be nothing but childish drama, he said, she said, hurt feelings, gossip, falling in and out on repeat. If you want a pleasant peaceful life, give them a swerve.

kitcat15 · 04/03/2023 14:49

Of coursecyou are not invited...she doesn't like you...why would you think she would invite you?

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 14:52

It’s the principle of the matter there is people
going she’s doesn’t even know. I feel like of like I’m being ostracised

OP posts:
donttellmehesalive · 04/03/2023 14:53

You don't like each other. Why would you be one of the people she wants to invite to her hen?

You say she should've invited you to mend bridges but she's under no obligation to want to, and her hen isn't the place to do it.

You'll probably be on a shit table at the wedding too.

CremeEggThief · 04/03/2023 14:54

irishgalx · 04/03/2023 14:48

It’s the principle of the situation and to try and mend the relationship to make things a bit better.

Why should she have to be considering your feelings on her special night though?

Surely it's a bit selfish of you to expect her to make an effort on her special occasion when she doesn't even seem to like you?
Maybe she's worried things could get very heated when a lot of drink will be involved!

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 14:54

That’s what I’m thing hoping I’m not invited to the wedding so I don’t have to make an excuse

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 04/03/2023 14:56

Celebrations for somebody’s special occasions aren’t about “the principal.” You don’t like each other, she wants to be able to relax and have fun with people she likes on an occasion which she (hopefully) will do once in her life. Concentrate on your own friendships with people you actually like.

CremeEggThief · 04/03/2023 14:57

I'd rather people I didn't know there over people I don't like and feel as if they don't like me. I don't know why you think that's surprising?

I'm not saying you shouldn't try to build bridges in the future, but you have to both want to, and it has to come at a mutually convenient time for you both. Preferably with very little alcohol involved to skew things.

HelloWorldMessage · 04/03/2023 14:58

I'm really confused by this.

You clearly dislike each other so why would she invite you? I can think of nothing worse than spending a night out with someone I dislike!

Honestly - I'd rather have randoms at my party over people I know and dislike.

Just because she's marrying your partner's brother doesn't mean she owes you anything. She doesn't have to invite you to things and honestly I respect her for not - I hate falseness.

I appreciate that despite her faults you have tried to build a relationship with her. However she's obviously not reciprocating.

MamOfFive · 04/03/2023 14:58

You obviously don't like each other so of course you wouldn't be invited. YABU.

There must be more to this story your not letting on. Someone doesn't dislike someone without reason.

5128gap · 04/03/2023 14:59

irishgalx · 04/03/2023 14:52

It’s the principle of the matter there is people
going she’s doesn’t even know. I feel like of like I’m being ostracised

You are. Its all part of the games these people play. Remember when you were 14 and there would always be someone no one was speaking to that day, but they couldn't just be ignored, it had to be made really obvious with dirty looks etc? Well that's where you're at. Few people dislike someone so much they couldn't stand them being part of a large group event. She's not asked you to create a drama around not liking you.

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 15:02

CremeEggThief · 04/03/2023 14:54

Why should she have to be considering your feelings on her special night though?

Surely it's a bit selfish of you to expect her to make an effort on her special occasion when she doesn't even seem to like you?
Maybe she's worried things could get very heated when a lot of drink will be involved!

Show quote history

I’m fair from selfish lol I’m trying to make things better for my partner and his brother as all this is causing problem with their relationship. My partner is upset about the matter and views it as petty

OP posts:
Babyg1995 · 04/03/2023 15:03

She done the right thing not inviting you it would be really awkward nothing to do with principles you don't like each other and that's that I would invite someone I didn't get on with to my hen do family or not .

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 15:05

5128gap · 04/03/2023 14:59

You are. Its all part of the games these people play. Remember when you were 14 and there would always be someone no one was speaking to that day, but they couldn't just be ignored, it had to be made really obvious with dirty looks etc? Well that's where you're at. Few people dislike someone so much they couldn't stand them being part of a large group event. She's not asked you to create a drama around not liking you.

Show quote history

it upsets my partner that im being treated this way to. we have been together for long time it wasn’t till she was involved with his brother her actions and behaviour towards me changed we were in a friend group together who wpuld of partied ect

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 04/03/2023 15:05

Why would you want to go?!

GoodChat · 04/03/2023 15:06

It's the principle but you don't even want to go to the wedding?

So she should hold out olive branches on her days that you can throw back in her face?

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 15:09

GoodChat · 04/03/2023 15:06

It's the principle but you don't even want to go to the wedding?

So she should hold out olive branches on her days that you can throw back in her face?

I don’t want to go to the wedding now I feel like im not wanted there either.

OP posts: