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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to hen

73 replies

irishgalx · 04/03/2023 14:27

My partner brother is getting married soon.
His wife to be has known me basically her whole life. we used to be quite friendly until she said things about me a number of times to my partner and her partner which was all lies. However, I just ignored it but she created a very hostile situation for me a her soon to be husband who has basically told me that he didn’t like me but now does.

I have tried to have a relationship with her and would be really good to her children who have been told by her not to call me auntie LOL.

I am the only one who hasn’t been invited to the hen party after being invited by her MIL whose whole family and friends have been invited.

AIBU to be annoyed it more the principle of being left ouT that has upset me and more so my mil has asked me and then did not speak to me when it was booked only for my partner asking me about it assuming I had booked on.

OP posts:
Siennahh · 04/03/2023 15:48

You don't like each other why on earth do you think you'd be invited! Crazy!

redbigbananafeet · 04/03/2023 15:48

Why would you want to go to the hen party of someone who doesn't like you and is vile towards you?

redbigbananafeet · 04/03/2023 15:50

I've seen update, you say you're not being selfish but she doesn't like you. Why should she invite you to her hen?

dapsnotplimsolls · 04/03/2023 15:51

It sounds like she's jealous of you and is worried that her fiance likes you a little bit too much. Nothing you can do about it.

Fizzadora · 04/03/2023 15:53

InstagramBitchWife · 04/03/2023 15:29

Sounds like she just doesn't like you unfortunately op!

This happens in life, the best thing you can do is stop caring, and stop thinking about what YOU think she should do.

Wouldn't you feel super awkward if she invited you against her will knowing that you weren't really wanted? I'd rather give it a miss. Not all family relationships are sunshine and roses.

Well I agree that this would be what any normal, sensible person would do, but I am not sure that's what the dynamic is in this family.
The SIL has clearly got her reasons for behaving as she has, although OP has not divulged what the original spat was about. SIL is also trying not to make an issue out of it in front of other family members as she is well behaved in front of them.
It sounds as though there has been a misunderstanding and miscommunication at some point, for example: SIL has got offended over something OP is supposed to have said and because she won't discuss it, it will never be resolved or maybe OP has actually done or said something that has upset SIL but OP won't accept that they have done anything wrong.
It should be able to be resolved with some open communication but sometimes people just won't engage so there is nothing you can do.
I would go to the wedding, if only to avoid an awkward family fallout that could possibly be resolved in future.
I wouldn't be the slightest bit bothered about the hen party. Any excuse not to go to one of those I would be clinging to desperately.
You say you are senior in your career OP so you are not a silly teenager so you should be the adult here and not engage in or allow this sort of juvenile behaviour to affect you or your family.
I am speaking from experience😉

THisbackwithavengeance · 04/03/2023 15:57

Good God. Be thankful you haven't been invited and can avoid all the stupid drama.

Disinvite yourself from the wedding as well and spend the money that you would've spent on travel/clothes/hairdressers/present/ hotel on something you actually want to do.

But why is your DH standing by and allowing his family members to badmouth you?

BillyDeanisnotmylover · 04/03/2023 15:59

I think in your position I’d be relieved. It won’t be much fun if you don’t get on.
Going to the wedding is completely different, you do get on with your bil, so you’ll be going for him and your DH. I love my BIL and have a great relationship with him, but none really with his wife. Not unfriendly, just very very different people. It happens.

SeasonFinale · 04/03/2023 16:06

If a bride was on here saying should I invite my groom's brother's wife to my hen. We don't get on not like each other and I am sure she would bring the whole day down we would all be saying don't invite her and ruin your hen do (apart from maybe a couple of strange people). So the advice is the same. This is her event and therefore her choice of who she wants to be there.

Don't make any wedding invitation into a drama either. It's your partner's brothers wedding too remember. Go if invited and be civil. Don't be remembered as the one who tried to make their wedding all about you with family drama.

Daffodilsandbeer · 04/03/2023 16:52

I’m with the others, I’ve no comprehension of why you feel youre entitled to an invite to her hen do and feel this is the place ro build bridges.

it’s her hen do, of course you shouldn’t be invited.

do you always make so much drama and everything about you?

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 17:00

Daffodilsandbeer · 04/03/2023 16:52

I’m with the others, I’ve no comprehension of why you feel youre entitled to an invite to her hen do and feel this is the place ro build bridges.

it’s her hen do, of course you shouldn’t be invited.

do you always make so much drama and everything about you?

because I am so entitled darling and also of course the world should be all around me.

OP posts:
Swiftswatch · 04/03/2023 17:03

irishgalx · 04/03/2023 15:02

I’m fair from selfish lol I’m trying to make things better for my partner and his brother as all this is causing problem with their relationship. My partner is upset about the matter and views it as petty

Show quote history

He’s probably only upset because you keep ranting about it!

You don’t want to go to the wedding, she doesn’t like you. It’s all just such unnecessary drama.
Just get on with your life without making a big deal about every little thing.

Murdoch1949 · 04/03/2023 18:04

Why on earth would you want to go to this hen party, it would be awkward for everyone. Also you are not the bride to be's children's aunt, you are their uncle's partner.

Murdoch1949 · 04/03/2023 18:13

Find it hard to believe that you are in ANY career at a high level, as you claim. Reading your grammatically incorrect posts I doubt this. You are also overly obsessed with this woman and what you perceive as a slight she has made to you. Move on. Concentrate on yourself & partner and let her enjoy a hen party then wedding with people she likes.

GoodChat · 04/03/2023 18:18

Murdoch1949 · 04/03/2023 18:13

Find it hard to believe that you are in ANY career at a high level, as you claim. Reading your grammatically incorrect posts I doubt this. You are also overly obsessed with this woman and what you perceive as a slight she has made to you. Move on. Concentrate on yourself & partner and let her enjoy a hen party then wedding with people she likes.

What a nasty comment. People can succeed without perfect written English skills or, you know, learning difficulties

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 18:19

Murdoch1949 · 04/03/2023 18:13

Find it hard to believe that you are in ANY career at a high level, as you claim. Reading your grammatically incorrect posts I doubt this. You are also overly obsessed with this woman and what you perceive as a slight she has made to you. Move on. Concentrate on yourself & partner and let her enjoy a hen party then wedding with people she likes.

That’s so funny lol 😆 because I’m on an online forum I genuinely couldn’t care about grammar! So don’t fucking dare doubt my career lol sounds like someone might be jealous 😊. If it’s any comfort to you many of my clients are shocked that I’m a such a high level for my age .

OP posts:
Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 18:24

GoodChat · 04/03/2023 18:18

What a nasty comment. People can succeed without perfect written English skills or, you know, learning difficulties

Show quote history

your so right! Lol I’m a doctor with dyslexia what a twat

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 04/03/2023 18:40

There is more to this I'm sure.
But taking on what you have said,forget trying to make up with her,accept that some people just don't like each other and don't take it personally.would you have enjoyed it?no and there's no principle involved.
are you a bit agitated she will be married into the family and you are not?
find out what is really the cause of your upset then address that op.

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 18:46

KarmaStar · 04/03/2023 18:40

There is more to this I'm sure.
But taking on what you have said,forget trying to make up with her,accept that some people just don't like each other and don't take it personally.would you have enjoyed it?no and there's no principle involved.
are you a bit agitated she will be married into the family and you are not?
find out what is really the cause of your upset then address that op.

I’m definitely not upset about not getting married in to the family- I have been with my partner over 14 years now I have great relationship with his family. Personally for me marriage isn’t the end all and be all.

OP posts:
CantFindTheBeat · 04/03/2023 18:51

What does your partner do & say about this with his mum, OP?

Original poster
irishgalx · 04/03/2023 19:19

CantFindTheBeat · 04/03/2023 18:51

What does your partner do & say about this with his mum, OP?

They have both spoke to her partner about the way I be treated as they don’t think it’s very appropriate. His mum sees me like a daughter

OP posts:
MaryShelley1818 · 04/03/2023 19:28

I can understand why you're upset, it's never nice feeling left out, especially when it's close family so you're stuck with these people long term.
My Husbands sister is similar, awful, spoilt, nasty, doesn't matter how much I try (and I've genuinely bent over backwards). I was reluctantly invited as a Bridesmaid and then promptly sacked when I got pregnant. Covid meant that her wedding was cancelled so she rebooked it for the week after DD was due (3hrs away) then Covid lingered so it was postponed a further 10mths, neither of my children were asked to be in the wedding party. My DH (her brother) would walk on broken glass for her but she didn't even send him a Birthday card. She's just an awful person BUT the rest of the family are wonderful so I gritted my teeth, painted on a smile and went to the wedding. Because I love my DH and don't want to cause any family rifts. Now I'm extremely low contact with her. Just sometimes the best and least stressful way - just stop trying xx

redbigbananafeet · 04/03/2023 20:43

I don't agree with comments say OP isn't the kids aunt, would people saying this think differently if they were married?

londonrach · 04/03/2023 20:46

Why you want to go...huge win win ..hen dos are expensive..a woman you don't get on with and cost you money....well done op on not getting an invite x

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