To ask for your top tips as I lurch into late 40s

[GingerPanda]

I'm going to be 47 very soon, in the next few days... The prospect of yet another birthday is not really very enticing, though I recognise it is certainly better than the alternative. I thought I'd ask those of you who may be a similar age or perhaps a bit older for your top tips as 50 approaches.

I'm in decent health, bit more of a belly than I really want but not 'officially' overweight, one much loved and happy kid in primary school, no money worries. I am lucky in so many ways. No sign yet of perimenopause yet, though I'm quite scared of that to be honest.

I do have lots of stress in my life however from work and marriage, to the point where recently I've been getting some chest pain which has prompted some reflection! My life is pretty flat and I've lost a lot of enthusiasm and oomph since my child was born, mostly due to relationship difficulties.

So what can I do to stay in good health, get more energy and positivity, and generally wake up in the morning feeling good about the day ahead? And keep feeling that way for the next 20 plus years?

Any kind of tips welcome! Appearance, diet, psychology, finances, attitude, whatever... Thanks for all and any suggestions 😁

Exercise, and cherish your female friendships - combine the two if possible. I run regularly with a group of friends and it's so life-affirming.

Get a job you love. It'll help you to get up in the morning (as in, you'll want to get up rather than having to get up) and it'll diminish the stress.

As someone else says, always have a trip planned. Doesn't have to be a holiday - I go to the theatre every couple of months, on my own, for the matinee; it's a little "me" time in a bustling world of family.

Lots of food for thought on this thread, thanks everyone.

Another member of the 1976 crew here!!

this thread really resonates with me because I currently feel crap.

I’m exhausted and lethargic - I have two young children (7 and 5) and it just wipes me out and I WFH 100% of the time because I had to step down in my career due to kids and husbands job and I hate it. Don’t get me wrong, the work / life balance is great , as far as my kids and husband are concerned! But I really miss the interaction I got from other people and the sense of identity I got from work.

I know I’m suffering through perimenopause and am on HRT but it’s not been the magic I thought it was - but it sounds ridiculous but I keep forgetting to change patches, put patches on etc which I know is part of the problem. I have ADHD as well so my executive function is really poor. I’ve got ADHD meds but I have high blood pressure and am struggling to tolerate the meds so I may have to knock them on the head. But I really thought HRT and ADHD meds would be the magic combo for me and it’s not been.

however I don’t drink enough water, take very little exercise, and really could do with upping my vitamins, interested in how magnesium /B12 could help.

i sound really frumpy and lazy - I feel frumpy, but really I’m just bloody knackered - a mix I suspect of young kids, perimenopause and no stimulation from being with other adults. I miss spending time with my husband as well but young kids means it doesn’t really happen.

I quite frankly just want to feel less bloody knackered !!!!!!

The Zoe podcast mentioned by PP is really good.

One point made in it, which I’ve seen discussed elsewhere, is the importance of social interaction in preventing cognitive decline. It really does seem to be use it or lose it, and the mental processes involved in socialising are really complex. Much more important for keeping your brain young than doing puzzles etc.

They also emphasised the importance of keeping the inputs to your brain as good as they can be- so wear your glasses, use your hearing aid etc, have regular tests. Not wearing a hearing aid if you need one is a factor in mental ageing/decline and can even contribute to dementia (which is ironic when I think of my father not using his hearing aid because he thought it made him seem old). This may all seem a way off for people in their late 40s but this is when it all begins, so the perfect point to start good habits.

Thank you for this inspiring thread. I'm 48 soon - it seems impossible. Have been feeling very down about my appearance - I've not been able to wear make up due to an eye condition, but unlike in the past, my skin has not been compensating with fabulous glowiness! I stupidly skimped on the sunscreen in my 30s. Idiot.

However, reading this has been very positive and inspiring.

It'd echo what a pp days about hearing loss and hearing aids. I wonder why they are seen as more of a Thing than glasses?

I went on one too - but run by Catholic monks and Jewish rabbis! 😂Had anyone suggested such madness when in my wild youth I would have howled! I was filled with curosity but also felt a bit weird going in. Came out loving it.

We were up for sunrise - prayer if you wanted, meditation if you didn't. The day was rthymic - prayer, walk, reflection, food, rinse and repeat. No talking except for an hour at 3pm with tea and biscuits! All meals were in a refectory, silent with a Monk doing readings. It felt like a step back into the middle ages.

The monks and rabis were pouring over family trees of the Jewish and Catholic crew - like the Virgin Mary, the tribes of Levi and Judah etc.

It was a wonderful experience.

Your post reminds me of what I felt a few years years ago.

Peppered throughout is all the things you feel are "failures" on your part. But actually, working from home, being the everything person for all things domestic is DRAINING. It is really lonely. Time for yourself is hard to carve out. Somebody putting you first is rare to non existant.

I suggest you feel the way you do because of all the above and not because you are slack in caring for yourself.

Re the patch - I had the same difficulty at first with remembering. Doing it the same days every week helped - every Monday and Thursday it was!

And take the advice further up - lock in time for yourself, it really helps. Meet someone, go for a walk, look at art, visit a library. Something adult and just for you. It is VERY hard to do and the results mirror how hard it is. Again - in or around same day/time every week. For me it was Monday mornings - set the week up well

Lecture over - sorry!

I am posting a lot on this thread and apologise for all the opining!

My skin took a hit too. I started to use the Clarins fake tan oil, and a little mascara.

It helped.

Great thread. Im 50. Few nice things I did this wend. Nice coffee, dog walk the park was lovely as nice weather. Friendships up and down or ghosted lol. On Vit D havent found hrt amazing. But I enjoy walking. The loss in friends has been hard. Trying keep busy. Read a bit more.

Not a lecture at all. Thank you.

I’m actually looking for a new job that is a hybrid mix because I can’t carry on like. I’m used to working in vibrant open plan offices and actually being someone.

as someone further up said… nothing changes if nothing changes

I used to love roller skating but now I think about the bones I could break.....

@FrenchBoule thank you! I am in an innocent way envious. I am somebody who likes lying on the ground looking up at nature and looking at shadows of leaves, finding special trees, dropping by on nesting water birds and collecting seaweeds. I love the water and walking and running and open water swimming. And I live in suburban London. On balance I stay because of my husband's job (I can't work at present) and my family support as I've had serious health problems. Sorry, you didn't need to know all that. I guess I just think I'm suited to living in places at the edges of the country (as I did for four years in my 20s, so I'm not totally naive!)

I will let you know if we head north this summer. Getting less likely, but I keep some hope.

@4plusthehound that sounds wonderful, would you be able to share the details?

Ive already posted on this thread but I've been reading all the answers and reflecting again on how cutting out alcohol has made a huge difference. I'm so much less reactive than I was, far less stressed.

I had two glasses of wine at home on Saturday evening. Honestly, yesterday was awful. The headache was like a red hot drill going through my eye socket.

I have come to the reluctant conclusion that I can no longer tolerate wine and will not have it in the house any longer (it's just me so I'm not making the decision for anyone else). Might have the odd G&T when I'm at DP's house and maybe some wine when I'm out for a meal - a big meal. Not with beans on toast 🙄.

I'm going to the doc on Thursday because of peri issues. I have been reluctant to go for full HRT. Now my mind is made up.

This is an amazing and inspiring thread. Not sure I can add anything but here goes.

I'm 57, and worn out from having divorced 11 years ago and being a single parent. Last few years I have been obsessed with wanting to retire early and although I have a decent pension pot I can't afford it yet. So I'm now accepting it. But - I'm making the most of my time at work - I dropped my hours slightly and now work four longish days. The impact has been wonderful.

After the pandemic I decided I would travel more and I've been on several solo holidays/cruises (can recommend cruising for solos!! P & O have had some amazing deals and it was very reasonable).

I'm more intentional about spending and have decided to prioritise self care and not looking middle aged (thank you Vinted).

Yea prioritise friendships but also have boundaries and cut toxic people out of your life.

Look after your health - get to the doctor about those chest pains!!

Look after your health and exercise as many have said. Feed your body with good nutrition and feed your mind with learning new things.

I'm 50.

I feel amazing.

Honestly. You are never going to be better than you are now.

50

@tothelefttotheleft haha,totally with you with broken bones,something to be very wary of! A few years back before the covid hit I had a shot of a skateboard of one of the local kids in the playpark. I managed just fine (so I keep thinking) being watched in horror by fellow mums 😂

@scarecrow22 hope your wish come true one day. Good thing is there’s so much to explore here (rivers,hills, forrests albeit getting more decimated by day) that it’s really great place to live if you want to connect with nature. There are some dowsides - ticks,midges,limited choice of retail,much colder seasons and winters might feel quite isolated sometimes but hey ho.