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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for your top tips as I lurch into late 40s

119 replies

GingerPanda · 03/03/2023 22:02

I'm going to be 47 very soon, in the next few days... The prospect of yet another birthday is not really very enticing, though I recognise it is certainly better than the alternative. I thought I'd ask those of you who may be a similar age or perhaps a bit older for your top tips as 50 approaches.

I'm in decent health, bit more of a belly than I really want but not 'officially' overweight, one much loved and happy kid in primary school, no money worries. I am lucky in so many ways. No sign yet of perimenopause yet, though I'm quite scared of that to be honest.

I do have lots of stress in my life however from work and marriage, to the point where recently I've been getting some chest pain which has prompted some reflection! My life is pretty flat and I've lost a lot of enthusiasm and oomph since my child was born, mostly due to relationship difficulties.

So what can I do to stay in good health, get more energy and positivity, and generally wake up in the morning feeling good about the day ahead? And keep feeling that way for the next 20 plus years?

Any kind of tips welcome! Appearance, diet, psychology, finances, attitude, whatever... Thanks for all and any suggestions 😁

OP posts:
mizu · 04/03/2023 10:45

Love this! So much good advice and great suggestions about being happy.

I've JUST turned 50.

What have I been doing for the last few years?

I.....

Take HRT (although I had a full hysterectomy at 42 so been taking for a while but moved to gel from tablets a couple of years ago which is much better)

Walk as much as I can - I know I need to do more weight bearing exercise too but ......

Eat chocolate every day Grin because I love it but I have almost cut alcohol out of my life - not intentionally, it just happened as I realised it was giving me terrible headaches.

Take magnesium with my evening meal, I think it helps me sleep better.

Have a job I love so I enjoy the time I spend there.

Try and read every evening-losing myself in a book / looking forward to getting back to a book is a great feeling.

peanutbuttertoasty · 04/03/2023 10:46

Don't want to hijack but what are the best books to read on menopause / peri?

EPluribusUnum · 04/03/2023 10:49

peanutbuttertoasty · 04/03/2023 10:46

Don't want to hijack but what are the best books to read on menopause / peri?

I enjoyed Davina’s book.

SummerHouse · 04/03/2023 10:57

Consider cold water swimming or cold water alternatives. I always swim in Whitby in July when the water is about 13 degrees. Also cold water plunge pool or shower. You will feel every molecule in your body buzzing and remember how fabulous it is to be alive!

TerrysAllGoldGlisters · 04/03/2023 11:02

Also late 40s and I can highly recommend 30 mins of yoga every day. Still working on the rest though!

StrawberryJam4Ever · 04/03/2023 11:03

Sort the chest pain out 1st, otherwise you may not make 47. At that age I imagined I was dying when diagnosed with cancer, I hit meno right away due to treatment. It was bad! But I’m still here & I wouldn’t change a thing. I started traveling more, went to rock concerts, did things I wouldn’t normally do. For exercise & stress relief I walk, or listen to music & sing LOUD. If you’re pissed off write it all down, you will feel better for it. Treat yourself to whatever you like. Always try to do something different so you’ll have something to look forward to.

coeurnoir · 04/03/2023 11:04

I hit 50 right in the middle of the first lockdown. At the time I was working 18 hour days for the NHS. My husband was on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to the stress of keeping his staff and kids safe at the school where he is a Headteacher. My son was doing his A-levels and my daughter in the middle of her degree.

It was shit and we all felt shit.

Since then we decided to have a joint late 50th birthday party in late 2021 and use it to make some changes to our family's lives.

From my perspective, I changed jobs and left the NHS after 20 years and now work for a private healthcare provider. It's much less stressful, much better paid and I feel I'm finally making a difference to patients lives (I work in a strategic role not clinical).

I have stopped feeling guilty for not wanting to give up alcohol like everyone my age seems to be doing. I've cut down and now drink at weekends only and we treat ourselves to expensive wines and spirits and cocktail making has become a joint hobby.

I've always been overweight and still am. I've finally given up dieting and I accept my body as it is, rather than waiting for the day when I'm a size 10 to do something rather than do it now.

I have stopped feeling guilty for just sitting and reading in silence. I like silence. I like books. If I want to spend a day in silence reading a cheap,thriller then I will.

We're lucky as we are both fairly high earners, but it hasn't always been that way and I used to beat myself up over buying things for myself. I no longer do that. If I want to spend money on a scented candle I will. I will buy that bag I've wanted for ages but couldn't justify. I will buy clothes that I like and enjoy wearing them.

I make time to enjoy life. I meet up with friends for lunch. My son and I go to the theatre at every opportunity (he's a frustrated thesp who has now joined the local am dram society). I go shopping with my daughter and we both spend too much money. I go to nice restaurants with my husband.

I meet friends for lunch and take annual leave to do so. And I've stopped feeling guilty for doing that.

I but expensive skin care brands and make up. I wear perfume every day. I have my hair cut and coloured - I'm mit ready to go grey.

I just now live my life how I want and not give a shit about what everyone thinks a woman my age should be doing.

tempusername1234 · 04/03/2023 11:05

I'd add a few things to my list.

Look at learning an instrument or a language as a hobby. It helps keep your brain active and it's thought to help stave off dementia / Alzheimer's.

For the same reason, get more friends. People with a wider friendship base tend to suffer less from mental health issues (it's the main reason why the old chestnut of "people who drink a little live longer", as they tend to get more sociable).

Magnesium supplements are a great idea if your diet isn't giving you enough. Bear in mind that it takes a long time to replenish magnesium (about 6 months), so it's not a quick fix. I've discovered my previously crippling migraines are no longer as painful since taking it (it affects the blood vessels).

Meditation. To the person who said they're rubbish, read "Full catastrophe living" by John Kabat-Zinn. He "invented" modern mindfulness in his treatment of stress and he corrected a lot of errors I've been making. Also consider a course like those from Monash University on Future Learn (they're free and excellent). Lastly, remember that each time your mind wanders off to a thought and you notice it, THAT'S meditation. That's when the good stuff happens. You're training your mind to focus. When it happens, GENTLY (like training a puppy) take your mind back to your point of focus and thank it for doing it's job. Mindfulness I cannot rate highly enough. It even reverses aging (look at telemeres). Just noticing the world around you rather than being on auto pilot (default mode - we spend about 50% of our day like this) can literally double your life experience.

Yoga is similar to mindfulness and has the benefit of keeping you flexible which is something age tried to insist you're not. Not all yoga is the same, but slow and gentle yoga focused on getting your body and in tune with your breathing is excellent. One of the best courses I ever did was an 8 week MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction) course which combined meditation, yoga and CBT. It left me far calmer and more able to deal with my negative moods.

Screen time. We spend too long online. Dopamine is released every time there's a reply on a thread we're on and even more so if we get mentioned or quoted. That makes forums like this addictive. Addiction aside, people in social media tend to have worse mental health than those who are not.

Don't compare your life to others. Even those who seem to have everything tend not to be happy. You don't need "things" to while. Look at all the hype around decluttering. More stuff just gives you more to worry about and less time to do the important stuff.

Try not to worry. I was the world worst worrier. Never thought I would reach 50, but here I am and nothing major has gone wrong with my abused body. Remember, if you're breathing, that's more right with your body than wrong. Yes I looked in the mirror and was mortified by the old bastard looking back, but I got over that (my wife thinks I look even more attractive with reading glasses... Who knew?). I'm now comfortable in my skin. Probably for the first time ever in my life. When I actually was all muscled and fit I was crippled by shyness and low self esteem. Youth really is wasted on the young.

Diet - Mediterranean diet is supposed to be great for you. Ready meals are not (on the whole). A balanced diet is key. Never thought I'd be earning sauerkraut, but it's good for my gut biome and that's good for me. Careful on the supplements. You can overdo them and do more harm than good (including vitamins). A good diet is better than a pill, but if you're intolerant (I am) then they're a good idea. Watch your sugar intake. It's been linked to a while host of negatives. Intermittent fasting is getting some good press lately, but I don't know enough about that yet.

Water - essential. I never realised how much it negatively impacted my mood not drinking enough.

So, daily meditation. Daily or every other day exercise (needs to include some weights and impact). Less screen time and social media. A good diet.

On the personal side:

A nice holiday (you can even do this at home, there's so much we don't know about where we live)
Time spent alone (I'm doing this post in the bath with incense)
Long hugs.
Spoiling yourself with a good massage or spa day.
New clothes.
A new hand bag.
Nice makeup ( I'm a bloke, but my wife and mum tell me. My Goth days are well in the past!)
Outdoors with nature (forest bathing)
A good book / film
A new hobby - especially if you meet people.
Self learning. People get ou degrees in their 90's and they're a fantastic way of learning (much better than my school ever was)
Thinking about and helping others.
Smiling (it makes you feel happy even when you're not)
Journaling (it helps by showing the negative biased brain that your life isn't all bad)

Above all. Live in the moment. Live your current life to the fullest and the you're naturally preparing the best you can for the future.

GingerPanda · 04/03/2023 11:11

This thread is on fire! Thank you all so much.

@StrawberryJam4Ever yikes. Hope you are ok now.

OP posts:
Randomhead · 04/03/2023 11:14

Please go to the doctor if you have had chest pain

FrenchBoule · 04/03/2023 12:47

@cassiatwenty no, only some moisturiser now and again. I don’t use make up at all so my skin looks good.

@SoShallINever I just bought a pair of Asics trainers,they are fantastic! Best trainers I ever had,so springy and comfy.

@scarecrow22 pop in for a cuppa if you’re nearby. Highlands and Islands is a huge area wilt lots of retreat places. Feeling priviledged to live here!

cassiatwenty · 04/03/2023 12:53

Second looking into John Kabbat-Zinn and Craig Hassed's work on mindfulness via FutureLearn (Monash Uni course, can't recommend it enough)

cassiatwenty · 04/03/2023 12:55

@FrenchBoule Thank you, a cuppa sounds lovely and seeing the Highlands seems like an adventure. Very kind thankyou😊🖐

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/03/2023 12:58

Agree with most of these: exercise is absolutely critical I think for women in this age group. For so many reasons but above all it's so good for mental health.

The other thing I would say is don't allow the menopause to become some horrible huge spectre. It's good that the stigma around talking about the menopause is being diluted but the downside of this in my view is that the endless discussion about it in the media focuses on the negative and is frightening the bejeesus out of some women unecessarily.

Menopause can be tough but it doesn't have to be. For millennia women have coped with it and for the most part come through it unscathed. It's a bit of a lottery as to how badly it will hit you but there are a lot of steps you can take which mitigate the worst effects: exercise and HRT are top of my personal list but others will have their own coping strategies. I'm going through it now and I won't say I've had no negative impacts but very few which HRT and exercise can't kick into touch.

Also there's a lot to celebrate about being a woman of this age: I've become much more focused and organised and have stopped giving a shit about a lot of the trivia which preoccupied me as a younger woman. I no longer give headspace to a lot of the neuroses that society pushes onto younger women about their appearance, their behaviour, their relationships with men etc. The menopause helps put a lot of this into perspective and gives women a new sense of purpose and direction.

Polly1974 · 04/03/2023 13:00

Carsarelife · 03/03/2023 22:10

I'd say eat well if you can and don't go without. Buy quality tea bags if you love tea. Buy expensive coffee if you love coffee. Light a candle, buy nice shampoo. Life is short. To reach 50 would be an honour.
What I'm trying to say is live your life the way you want to.
I don't really exercise as such but love going for long dog walks

This ^ 100%
Make time for yourself, do nice things and get out in the fresh air at least once every day Px

Whywaistedwyonna · 04/03/2023 13:04

I listened the other day to the Zoe podcast ‘How to maintain health in your later years’ really interesting, main point being keep active and eat well - certainly worth a listen.

Fidgety31 · 04/03/2023 13:04

Put more effort into friendships as once your kids are grown you’ll have more free time and so many women neglect their friends and then have no one to do anything with

I go out more and I drink more alcohol because socially that’s what I enjoy at the weekends .
I exercise on weekdays though .

And get out of a dead end relationship- life is too short to spend it being miserable and lonely

ConsuelaHammock · 04/03/2023 13:10

Things that have helped me in recent years
Weightlifting - I go to a beginners class with a friend three times a week and I already notice a difference in my energy levels.
A hobby for the evenings- I crochet or read. I crochet while watching Netflix so I hear the shows but don’t really watch them 😂
WI - I joined my local WI group and it’s been so much fun. Huge range of ages and activities to suit everyone. I’ve wanted to join since I was about 25 but held off until I was 50 😂. We have wine tasting nights , a book club, several interesting historical talks, I learned how to make carrickmacross lace at a workshop.
Work- I have a permanent 2 day a week job but now that my children are more independent I have upped my working hours and work as a sub teacher at least 2 more days a week. The busier I am the more energy I have.
Reduce alcohol- I just can’t do the morning after any more.
Travel- make a list of places you’d like to visit and start to plan trips accordingly. Go with your family or friends. I went away for three weeks last year with my two children ( husband couldn’t come ) and we had the most amazing time.

cassiatwenty · 04/03/2023 13:14

Fidgety31 · 04/03/2023 13:04

Put more effort into friendships as once your kids are grown you’ll have more free time and so many women neglect their friends and then have no one to do anything with

I go out more and I drink more alcohol because socially that’s what I enjoy at the weekends .
I exercise on weekdays though .

And get out of a dead end relationship- life is too short to spend it being miserable and lonely

How are you getting on these days @Fidgety31? Wishing you all the best 🙂

SquirrelSoShiny · 04/03/2023 13:15

Carsarelife · 03/03/2023 22:10

I'd say eat well if you can and don't go without. Buy quality tea bags if you love tea. Buy expensive coffee if you love coffee. Light a candle, buy nice shampoo. Life is short. To reach 50 would be an honour.
What I'm trying to say is live your life the way you want to.
I don't really exercise as such but love going for long dog walks

I love this post 💙

ConsuelaHammock · 04/03/2023 13:16

And never EVER feel ‘ obliged ‘ to do something you don’t want to do. If it doesn’t suit you just say ‘no, thank you’. No explanation or excuse needed. Suit yourself first !

MintyCedric · 04/03/2023 13:17

I turned 47 six month ago…tbh my 40s have largely sucked so far but post-pandemic and a major bereavement I feel like I’m finally taking baby steps forward.

What I’ve found helpful…

Divorce and creating a home that is just right for me (and DD!)

Giving up my tedious, inflexible job and becoming self employed. It’s very early days and financially a bit terrifying, but so worth it.

HRT

Investing in a set of body analysis scales following 6 sessions with a well-being mentor last year. I have an under active thyroid and am very overweight. Using the BA scales once a month allows me to focus on positive changes such as hydration, bone density and muscle mass rather than just obsessing about weight as a stand alone target. This in turn helps me feel more positive about the small changes even if they’re not as visible as I’d like just yet.

There’s still a lot to work on but I’m seeing the run up to 50 as a bit like my late teens…a time to get my house in order and prepare for where I’m heading next.

TellySavalashairbrush · 04/03/2023 13:32

I’m 50. I’d say definitely reduce the stress in your life where feasible. Make a bit of time for yourself everyday. Don’t try to be everything to everyone- you’ll experience burn out. If you need it get HRT. Your body bus likely to change, embrace it. Not giving a shit about what others think can be one benefit about being in your 40s/50s.

TellySavalashairbrush · 04/03/2023 13:33

Is not bus!

Mitchumforthewin · 04/03/2023 14:07

Hi five to the 1976 crew 🙌

I’m nearly there too. My advice so far (reading with interest) is to look after your health massively - I have a two friends (male admittedly) who dropped dead at 49 & 50 with heart attacks - both seemingly reasonably healthy. Keep an eye on your weight and don’t let it creep up. Getting fatter is optional - and really bad for us. Keep exercising as much as you can fit in and you’ll do wonders for your health both mentally and physically.
Also if your parents are still alive and you have a good relationship with them then keep putting the effort in here. My mum had cancer a year or two ago and it made me rethink a lot about how I took her for granted so I make much more effort now.
And if money isn’t tight then travel lots - that’s what I will do when we have finished paying school and university fees!