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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think school competitions leave some children very sad?

116 replies

Orangeis · 03/03/2023 13:32

We had an Eisteddfod on Wednesday (it's like a Welsh talent competition) and both dc got a prize so this post isn't sour grapes.

But both my dc have told me some children were sad as they didn't have any entries or some of their entries were a bit rubbish.
The dc are too young to do the entries alone, it's craft, photography etc that's to be done at home.

I wonder why the school can't do some class based entries as well to give the dc without parental input a chance. I know these things are a PITA sometimes, people work, some parents just can't engage for various reasons so it's not that I'm bashing them either.

Do your school try hard to be inclusive of everyone, or is this quite standard? I'm just feeling a bit sorry for some of the kids involved.

OP posts:
Notreallyhappy · 05/03/2023 13:51

I found that when my ds was in school, the same children go the prizes every year. When looking at the exhibition etc some of them were obviously shite compared to others. But these were the school pta mummy's children and the ones who's dad's did the footie volunteering.
There should be more craft based stuff in class
where a majority of the entries would be rubbish

Briallen · 06/03/2023 10:41

My kids eisteddfod is today. No idea what they’re doing in it- nothing has come home which I’m pleased about. My oldest dc won’t be doing any stage based stuff as it’s his worst nightmare. Youngest adores it and so will probably be up there and winning stuff. Neither are arty so probably won’t win any arts/writing entries.
the eisteddfod is to celebrate the arts. My oldest dc is unlikely to win anything as that’s just not his thing. However, his team came first in the urdd football and he is good at maths so it doesn’t matter. We all have the areas we’re good at.
when I was a child, loads of the competitions came home. I won loads because my mum took ages on them 😂 it was ridiculous. I do think all entries should be completed in class and by the child only. In my primary school, we had to use a pseudonym so they didn’t know who was getting the prizes but I’m sure they always did.

Nooyoiknooyoik · 06/03/2023 10:50

There should be a prize for the best, sure.

But the main point of school should be that children are encouraged to enjoy learning and be prepared to give everything a try.

So as well as aiming for “the prize” there should be a focus on doing things for their own sake. Running for fitness and pleasure. Art for making things look good and developing a flair and skill in design. Academics for gathering useful and interesting information.

Doing everything solely to aim for “the prize” benefits only the couple of children at the top and discourages everyone else. And publicly displaying the child who comes last does not “build resilience” - it just puts them off school and shows the immaturity and lack of suitability of the adult teacher who is supposed to be teaching and encouraging them.

ChickenDhansak82 · 06/03/2023 10:50

It's a well known fact that those children whose parents have an input* with their education will go on to do better at school.

By input, I'm referring to reading with them, checking if they have homework, supporting them if they need encouragement or motivating with it etc...

So you have to ask yourself, how much of an ask is it to get a parent to help a child with a craft activity for 30 minutes, or even just set it up for them so they can have a go themselves?

I'm a busy parent, but also try and support my kids to have a go at these things, and praise their effort and be proud for trying even if they don't win.

It's called parenting. It's what you are SUPPOSED to do if you have kids.

Just as an example (I'm a teacher), at a parents evening for a top set, I had a full set of appointments, then had to phone several parents who could not get an appointment with me or could not make that evening. For my bottom set, I had only 12 out of 28 parents make appointments, 2 of which didn't turn up. The other 16 didn't even request a phone call at another time, or drop an email to ask for an update. It's really sad. I cannot understand why you would NOT take an interest in your child's education.

Nooyoiknooyoik · 06/03/2023 10:53

ChickenDhansak82 · 06/03/2023 10:50

It's a well known fact that those children whose parents have an input* with their education will go on to do better at school.

By input, I'm referring to reading with them, checking if they have homework, supporting them if they need encouragement or motivating with it etc...

So you have to ask yourself, how much of an ask is it to get a parent to help a child with a craft activity for 30 minutes, or even just set it up for them so they can have a go themselves?

I'm a busy parent, but also try and support my kids to have a go at these things, and praise their effort and be proud for trying even if they don't win.

It's called parenting. It's what you are SUPPOSED to do if you have kids.

Just as an example (I'm a teacher), at a parents evening for a top set, I had a full set of appointments, then had to phone several parents who could not get an appointment with me or could not make that evening. For my bottom set, I had only 12 out of 28 parents make appointments, 2 of which didn't turn up. The other 16 didn't even request a phone call at another time, or drop an email to ask for an update. It's really sad. I cannot understand why you would NOT take an interest in your child's education.

Lots of children have parents who couldn’t be arsed. It’s not the child’s fault. A good teacher will take such circumstances into account when trying to think of ways to encourage the child to enjoy learning.

Briallen · 06/03/2023 10:53

Wills · 03/03/2023 19:07

Agreed wholeheartedly - if only other schools would add this sort of thing as my kids had sports or academia. OP - are their cooking events?

Show quote history

Yes there are for the urdd eisteddfod. There are so many competitions- performing (poetry, songs, cerdd dant, diets, choir, group acting and singing etc) and then there’s dance, cooking, art, including digital art, video making,
playing instruments, writing. I’ve probably missed out loads too. My sons friend competed in cooking earlier this year.

Briallen · 06/03/2023 10:55

Diets should say duets- bloody autocorrect!

Snoreboar · 06/03/2023 12:18

Just as an example (I'm a teacher), at a parents evening for a top set, I had a full set of appointments, then had to phone several parents who could not get an appointment with me or could not make that evening. For my bottom set, I had only 12 out of 28 parents make appointments, 2 of which didn't turn up. The other 16 didn't even request a phone call at another time, or drop an email to ask for an update. It's really sad. I cannot understand why you would NOT take an interest in your child's education. I think you should take some time to think about why parents from kids in the bottom sets don't turn up to PT meetings - I bet if you took even 30 secs to think about it you could come up with quite a few reasons.

Mrsgreen100 · 11/03/2023 10:59

The same thing happens with sport, watching my daughter over years being left out of teams not going on away trips to play sport against other schools etc
having no coordination, dyslexia thing , I am the same ,it completely crushed her , she was a really great photographer, I suggested to the head of PE that it would be great to appoint her as team photographer, so she could at least be part of things
the teachers where so oblivious to the effect being excluded from the team sport thing was having, often she was left at school while everyone else went on the bus to matches .
it was always about winning one particular
cross country run my daughter came across a girl from the competing school who had
twisted her ankle , so she stopped and helped the girl back to the finish, only to be yelled at by head of sports for letting the team down!
I would rather be the parent of a child who stops to help her competitor, than the other kids who just ran past the injured child .
competitive sport etc is not a great way to
raise decent humans

Dobby123456 · 03/04/2023 22:42

DoneForToday · 03/03/2023 14:28

I could be mistaken but in DD's school it's always the same kids winning everything. I don't mind the sports ones as at least with those there are objective criteria but I really wonder about the subjective ones like arts and crafts and the ones that kids do at home. I always insist that DD does them mostly herself as what's the point otherwise and often I cannot see how the winning entry was in any way better than or sometimes even as good as DDs though I am biased of course.
Dd's classmate's parent is a teacher in the school. They are very sporty so win most of the sports competitions anyway but they also always get prizes in all the arts competitions and the end of year "best student in the class" (or something like that. I've got no idea what the criteria is for that but I think it's to award effort) and major roles in the school plays. Parents I know in other years say the same about teachers kids being favoured. It's a private school and many teachers have kids studying there so maybe that is why there is so much nepotism. I don't know. I try to tell myself that I'm just imagining it as I do like the teachers a lot but it's getting a bit too obvious.

DD being end of August born is very unlikely to win anything for a few years. I wouldn't mind at all but it really gets to her sometimes.

I wish they'd just get rid of all the competitions. I don't think it prepares for real life at all. In real life you need to be good enough to do your job or achieve your goals or whatever else it is you have to do. It's rarely just about being better than someone else (except maybe when it comes to getting a job). I'd rather teach children Intrinsic motivation and how to give something their best even when there are no prizes to be won and no accolades.

The competitions are bothering me a bit too. I'm thinking something like 'Why can't they just do art for the sake of the art'?

Orangetapemeasure · 03/04/2023 22:50

OP, whilst I agree that it’s sad, at what age do you think children should find out about competition- if not in primary school? Secondary? GCSEs? A-Levels? Uni entry? The job market? The fact is that life is competitive and whilst a 7 year old might not be able to produce something of the same quality as the 7 year-old-and-his-dad entry he will learn something, or maybe develop that burning desire to do better next time.

Snoreboar · 03/04/2023 23:05

Orangetapemeasure · 03/04/2023 22:50

OP, whilst I agree that it’s sad, at what age do you think children should find out about competition- if not in primary school? Secondary? GCSEs? A-Levels? Uni entry? The job market? The fact is that life is competitive and whilst a 7 year old might not be able to produce something of the same quality as the 7 year-old-and-his-dad entry he will learn something, or maybe develop that burning desire to do better next time.

That burning desire response - how many kids would need to respond in that way to make the effect of art competitions positive at 7 years old? Do you know? If not what will they learn - how many will learn it? Do you know?

Nooyoiknooyoik · 04/04/2023 11:44

Orangetapemeasure · 03/04/2023 22:50

OP, whilst I agree that it’s sad, at what age do you think children should find out about competition- if not in primary school? Secondary? GCSEs? A-Levels? Uni entry? The job market? The fact is that life is competitive and whilst a 7 year old might not be able to produce something of the same quality as the 7 year-old-and-his-dad entry he will learn something, or maybe develop that burning desire to do better next time.

Have you ever heard of people doing something purely for pleasure? Getting good at it because they love it? Feeling encouraged to continue even if they never happen to come first on a particular day, because coming first is only part of what it’s all about? Learning to support each other and collaborate, so that everyone can learn something and enjoy it and appreciate each other’s successes while never being made to feel like a failure themselves?

Nooyoiknooyoik · 04/04/2023 11:48

Really, thirty children running and continuing to run because they love it is better than one child winning and the others being ignored by the trainer until they drift off and do something else.

Likewise thirty children collaborating on a science project and all enjoying the final result is better than one child winning the science prize and the others seeing their names come lower and lower down a list until the ones in the bottom half decide that science is not for them.

Nooyoiknooyoik · 04/04/2023 11:49

With constant competition the only winner is the winner.

Snoreboar · 04/04/2023 21:03

Nooyoiknooyoik · 04/04/2023 11:49

With constant competition the only winner is the winner.

I agree - but when you give kids the choice they may not choose to be the also-rans - I told my dd - you don't have to run in competitions - it's your choice, but there will be fall out - they can't make you, omg the teacher hated me - but my shy dd - learned to say no, it came at a cost - the teacher didn't handle it very well - but my dd learned to say no and mean it and I told the HT that was a really important lesson for her and if education was about more than passing exams they'd be proud of her.

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