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Original poster

To think school competitions leave some children very sad?

116 replies

Orangeis · 03/03/2023 13:32

We had an Eisteddfod on Wednesday (it's like a Welsh talent competition) and both dc got a prize so this post isn't sour grapes.

But both my dc have told me some children were sad as they didn't have any entries or some of their entries were a bit rubbish.
The dc are too young to do the entries alone, it's craft, photography etc that's to be done at home.

I wonder why the school can't do some class based entries as well to give the dc without parental input a chance. I know these things are a PITA sometimes, people work, some parents just can't engage for various reasons so it's not that I'm bashing them either.

Do your school try hard to be inclusive of everyone, or is this quite standard? I'm just feeling a bit sorry for some of the kids involved.

OP posts:
FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 03/03/2023 18:26

noblegiraffe · 03/03/2023 13:50

The idea that children should never be disappointed when they are younger stores up problems for the future though - always allowing a kid to win games, for example, leads to very poor losers.

Professional parent-made stuff should be disqualified though.

This.

”Inclusion” even when something is shit isn’t healthy.

cansu · 03/03/2023 18:27

I agree that some kids have an advantage as their parents help and encourage them. However, this is true in terms of competitions as well as reading, cultural visits and anything else really.
Schools are also much more rigid these days in terms of using lessons properly. In the past, a class might have spent a morning on a craft based activity for a competition. Now, this time must be spent on the curriculum. I think a lot of the enjoyment of learning has been squeezed out of the curriculum which is a real shame.

MrsCarson · 03/03/2023 18:32

When I was in school it was only projects made in school that were entered for the Eisteddfod.
My own kids went to a school where projects from home were entered. I refused to help my kids and told them when they win they do it on their own merit not on what Mum or Dad can make. They did get an occasional ribbon. One even got a first prize with something he made.
My teacher friends said they ignore ones obviously made by a parent, when they know that the standard the child produces at school is much much lower. However talented at school kids projects were judged.

MrsCarson · 03/03/2023 18:34

My kids were not in Wales for Eisteddfod projects they were in the US for County fair projects (Just to clarify)

Vynalbob · 03/03/2023 18:36

It's very difficult to make it completely fair...the better schools I've been involved with take into account parent involvement (silently👀) when prizes are given.

Parent involvement is good but an adult banging out a craft project (quickly for parents ease) for a child is a bit off

Girasoli · 03/03/2023 18:36

It’s often children who struggle academically who do well in creative and sporting competitions. Should they not be allowed to shine as well?

I completely agree, equally it's good for the more academic kids to not always be good at stuff. DS1 is very bright but tends to come in the middle at sports day, and his art/craft work is always rushed and messy. I think it's a good life lesson for him to see someone else have the best Easter Bonnet/model airplane etc.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 03/03/2023 18:45

Totally agree, anything competitive should be done in school without direct parental input.

AlBG · 03/03/2023 18:56

UWhatNow · 03/03/2023 14:02

Losing and feeling sad doesn’t build resilience in many children. It builds in avoidance and low self esteem. Losing and wanting to beat people (or do better) next time can motivate a few children but at what cost?

Schools should mirror the sort of societies we want the future generations to build. Ones of inclusivity and people being celebrated for their unique talents. The thinking around managing competitive events still has a long way to go in British schools imo.

Completely agree. Absolutely allow the kid that’s excelling to have their moment of glory and recognition but there’s no reason that kids who don’t have the natural ability/or have a disability shouldn’t enjoy it and get some kind of recognition for their part in the day. If that’s a sticker for joiner in etc, why not? I don’t get why people get so triggered by this

To think school competitions leave some children very sad?
Wills · 03/03/2023 19:07

Nimbostratus100 · 03/03/2023 13:43

not every event is for every child

but there should be something for everyone over the years

Agreed wholeheartedly - if only other schools would add this sort of thing as my kids had sports or academia. OP - are their cooking events?

ArielManto43 · 03/03/2023 19:08

They used to do all this malarkey at my children's primary school. Drove me mad. I remember one half term "project" was to make a house, and the winning one had working electric lights in all the rooms. Go figure.

Another time, nursery staff awarded my three year old a first prize for his decorated hard boiled Easter egg, because, they confided afterwards, "we could tell he was the only one who'd done it all by himself." (I decorated it. Took me an hour). 🙈😂

TheNoodlesIncident · 03/03/2023 19:17

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 03/03/2023 18:21

The one that upsets me is the walk/bike/scoot to school that's coming up soon. All the children who make the effort to get to school without being driven get a prize each day they participate. My issue is my child can't participate because of ME. I'm disabled and need to park in the disabled bay near the front door, we can't even park near the school and walk the last little bit (like other children who live too far away to walk/bike/scoot the whole journey) because of my mobility issues so she misses out and it makes me feel like sh1t. I fully support the scheme and am all for the children being more active and reducing pollution I just feel like crap that I'm the one stopping my child getting a prize because we just can't physically join in 😔 I don't want the school to stop the scheme, I don't want them to stop awarding the children for taking part, there isn't really an answer to it I just wanted to offload that I feel like a sh1t parent and this seemed the thread to do it on!

Would another parent not help out so your dc could join in? I would absolutely take another child along with mine so they could be included. It's not a huge ask but if they don't know you want your child to do it, they probably won't suggest it. So maybe ask someone, one of your dc's friend's parents? As long as you don't mind your dc walking to school with another family while you drive ahead to park and wait in your space. Would that be doable?

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 03/03/2023 19:28

@TheNoodlesIncident I feel really thick now as that had genuinely never occurred to me doh! Thank you so much for replying and yes I can absolutely do that and then meet them all in the car park so I still drop her in. DD has SN so I was blinkered with 'I need to be there to take her into school' I know just the parent that I could meet near to the school that she could walk the last bit of the journey with. I wasn't going to have a moan as its such a silly thing to moan about but I'm glad I did now 😁

TheNoodlesIncident · 03/03/2023 19:35

So glad you did mention it! Where there's a will there's a way...

I bet you're used to having to manage everything yourself, often then it simply doesn't occur to you to ask for help, it's not a case of being thick at all.

magicthree · 03/03/2023 19:52

Logburnerperils · 03/03/2023 14:20

It is called life. You win some and you lose some.

This. So many young people can't seem to cope with losing because they never got the chance to learn how to.

Cwtchpuffling · 03/03/2023 20:00

Loved the eisteddfod as a child! I was never academic but very creative, it was my time to shine and most years I got first or second.

DS has also enjoyed this year!

DisneyChops · 03/03/2023 20:00

Swiftbushome · 03/03/2023 13:59

I hate the argument that kids should learn how to lose. Of course they should but you'll still find plenty of cocky kids who win at sports day and times tables and whose parents do all their art projects for them so they win at those too. Why do only the "loser" kids have to learn how to cope with disappointment? You'll find it often is the same kids who never end up winning anything school related, have a massive confidence knock, while the same kids who win everything sometimes turn into the school bully.
(I wouldn't ever call a kid a loser by the way before anyone digs me out - I used the word for effect here)

Fair enough, but this happens in the adult world as well. There's always that someone who gets treated better at work, always that someone who gets the promotions, always that someone who has the perfect house, life, etc.

Firefaery · 03/03/2023 20:19

Not a fan of school asking kids to make stuff at home and bringing in for a "competition". Classroom-based only for me, and even then pretty limited.

Sports Day is a pet peeve, sorry. It should be 100% positive at their age for so many reasons, but mainly because young kids are being tested on something that they have no control over. What does a child learn from coming last in a race, when they have limited understanding of the situation and zero personal control over the outcome?

It's not "how to lose", I can assure you.

DutchCowgirl · 03/03/2023 20:25

My son won a crafting-competition at school once. He built Hogwarts out of messy painted cardbord boxes with loads of glue oozing out of every corner. But the teacher said he won because it was clear that he made it all by himself and he put great effort in it. Which was true!

So if that are the criteria to win, that’s fine with me. Parents who completely take over assignments should be ashamed, what are they learning their kids?

crew2022 · 03/03/2023 20:27

Totally agree. Of course not everyone can win but at least have a level playing field. I can't stand it when homework and projects are done by parents.
Children with less access to resources, parent / parents who work, parents with a disability or MH issue....they don't stand a chance compared to those affluent parents who step in and do the project themselves.
Schools really should wake up to this. It's not a good lesson: the effort of someone else will mean you win.

IAmTheWalrus85 · 03/03/2023 20:30

AlBG · 03/03/2023 18:56

Completely agree. Absolutely allow the kid that’s excelling to have their moment of glory and recognition but there’s no reason that kids who don’t have the natural ability/or have a disability shouldn’t enjoy it and get some kind of recognition for their part in the day. If that’s a sticker for joiner in etc, why not? I don’t get why people get so triggered by this

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Absolutely agree.

And what the hell is the point of a competition where it’s really a competition over who has the most parental help?

Whenharrymetsmelly · 03/03/2023 20:42

noblegiraffe · 03/03/2023 13:50

The idea that children should never be disappointed when they are younger stores up problems for the future though - always allowing a kid to win games, for example, leads to very poor losers.

Professional parent-made stuff should be disqualified though.

This.
Isn't this the reason kids are so messed up now, think they deserve everything and have no resilience. I think this is setting kids up to Gail as that's not how real life works.

FindingNeverland28 · 03/03/2023 20:50

It must depend on the school. I’m a teacher and we never do competitions where the kids do the work at home. Christmas card competitions are done in school. That way, all children have the opportunity to enter.

IAmTheWalrus85 · 03/03/2023 21:00

Whenharrymetsmelly · 03/03/2023 20:42

This.
Isn't this the reason kids are so messed up now, think they deserve everything and have no resilience. I think this is setting kids up to Gail as that's not how real life works.

Show quote history

On second thoughts I suppose this is right. Competitions based on parental involvement are incredibly unfair but so is life. It’s probably better that children learn early on that your life chances are mostly dictated by who your parents are, not the effort you put in!

Annoyingwurringnoise · 03/03/2023 21:19

My teen DS is creative, musical, and geeky, not sporty at all. He has absolutely no interest in doing sport whatsoever, although we walk a lot so he’s quite fit. The last two sportsdays in a row he’s won his event, the 200m, then the high jump. He’s wanted to skive both sportsdays but I said no and made him go in, so he’s thought as he hast to go he might as well make an effort. I also know for a fact that he would have rolled his eyes if everybody got a prize no matter what, even if he’d come last.. They didn’t get a prize as it happens, they just got house points. He’d think it was bloody stupid and pointless if everyone was allowed to win and nobody lost.

Starlightstarbright1 · 03/03/2023 21:24

My Ds once won an art competition at school. I was amazed tbh . It’s not his skill.. I was told they remove the one obviously done by parents first.. not every school is the same