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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DM exasperated at how messy my three year old's eating is. Who is BU ?

98 replies

easygrowing · 02/03/2023 19:32

For example she was eating a Nutella sandwich earlier and some of the Nutella got on the table. It was also all over her hands and face. I think a nutella sandwich isn't easy to eat for a three year old without making a bit of a mess.

In general she sometimes drops stuff from her fork onto herself while she's eating, but nothing major.

She also wipes her mouth with her sleeve sometimes, we are trying to remind her to use a napkin, which she does do. But my mum is constantly angry / shaking her head and telling her off it she forgets to use a napkin and uses her sleeve.

Sometimes her hands are dirty and she touches the chairs or whatever and my mum gets so angry with her for that too. We have all leather furniture for this exact reason because I think that kids don't understand and if you didn't wipe their hands, they don't always realise. If her hands are really dirty she often tells me so and wants to go and wash them. So she's not always terrible, but sometimes things get messy.

I'm not sure if I should expect more or my three year old ( just three ) or if my mum is super OTT. I'm trying to think of examples of how she's messy sometimes when she eats, but in general it's just dropping stuff on herself sometimes ( although she does wear a bib ). Sometimes stuff goes on the floor too or on the table.

OP posts:
Merlott · 02/03/2023 19:33

Do you not wash her hands and face after every meal ?

Mojoj · 02/03/2023 19:35

What's it got to do with your mum? Is it her furniture she's getting food on? Three year olds are messy wee people - your mum needs to chill out.

MinistryMelody · 02/03/2023 19:39

FFS I think your mum needs to calm down, my 8 year old still eats like this!

easygrowing · 02/03/2023 19:41

Merlott · 02/03/2023 19:33

Do you not wash her hands and face after every meal ?

I do. But sometimes she wonders off before I've had a chance to do it. Or most of the time she's wiped her hands on the chair she's sitting on etc.

OP posts:
Turnipworkharder · 02/03/2023 19:42

Your Mum is over reacting. Don't let her tell your daughter off, at 3 she's still learning.

All children wipe their mouth on their sleeve.

I couldn't imagine doing this to one of my precious GC.

MunchMonster · 02/03/2023 19:44

Mum has unrealistic expectations.

SomersetONeil · 02/03/2023 19:44

Why is your Mum so involved in all of this? She’s being completely unreasonable.

If it annoys her so much, why doesn’t she find something else to do at meal times?

RandomMess · 02/03/2023 19:50

If it's at your Mum'a house you need to be on top of it so your DC to ruin her things. Don't give her messy foods.

If it's at your house just carry on with the training.

It's not typical of all 3 year olds though so perhaps when you were young you were far less messy and she probably didn't let you be messy!!

FlounderingFruitcake · 02/03/2023 19:54

I think there’s a difference between accidental mess like getting it round her mouth or dropping a few bits and deliberate not listening/making a mess like the wiping her dirty hands everywhere which I would correct every time. But mostly I think your mum has forgotten what it’s like with little ones! Although if you are at your mum’s house and she’s got a lot of easily stained fabric surfaces then you need to ease off the Nutella and hover with the wet wipes.

JillenTavau · 02/03/2023 19:55

Completely normal. We used to have a wet flannel for each child at the table when they were young, plus a spare one so that it was part of the meal process, wipe hands before eating, then again at the end. As it is on the table it isn't forgotten and you don't need to fetch one. Also reusable rather than baby wipes.

I think sometimes Grandparents forget how messy children are.

Restinggoddess · 02/03/2023 19:56

Seems normal for a three year old - if you mum is OTT she is in danger of giving your child a hang up about food and mess

your mum needs to chill out a bit more

Nimbostratus100 · 02/03/2023 19:57

nutella?

Aftjbtibg · 02/03/2023 19:58

Sounds normal; whose house does this happen at ? If it’s yours she should butt out, if it’s hers then just try to go for the least messy foods

shakeitoffsis · 02/03/2023 19:58

I think it isn't your mums business unless she's making a massive mess at her house. My 3 year old would die if she got food on her sleeve she insists on rolling them up and god help me if we table has a crumb on, I'm in trouble!

namechange3394 · 02/03/2023 19:59

Your mum seems way OTT but I wouldn't be allowing a 3yo to wander off from the table.

bussteward · 02/03/2023 20:01

Seems normal to me. My child looks like she’s bathed in soup after every meal, even if no soup was involved. She could eat a water biscuit and emerge like Stig of the Dump. She gets up and washes her hands afterwards, but brushes her hair out of her face on the way or balances on the table to get down, leaving a trail of destruction. I’ll have a nice house once she’s left home.

easygrowing · 02/03/2023 20:02

RandomMess · 02/03/2023 19:50

If it's at your Mum'a house you need to be on top of it so your DC to ruin her things. Don't give her messy foods.

If it's at your house just carry on with the training.

It's not typical of all 3 year olds though so perhaps when you were young you were far less messy and she probably didn't let you be messy!!

That's what she says ! I was apparently not that messy and got shouted at if I was !

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 02/03/2023 20:04

easygrowing · 02/03/2023 19:41

I do. But sometimes she wonders off before I've had a chance to do it. Or most of the time she's wiped her hands on the chair she's sitting on etc.

I’m a bit like your mum and have zero patience for messy toddler eating, but this jumps out. My three year old is definitely not allowed to wander off anywhere before she’s been wiped and I would stop her before she managed to wipe her hands on her seat. I’d be frustrated (with you) watching you parent like that. It’s annoying but you have to be constantly on them at mealtimes!

easygrowing · 02/03/2023 20:04

Yes it's at my house. At her house I put my DD in a hazmat suit before she's allowed to eat anything and hose her off in the garden when she's finished

OP posts:
DownInTheDumpster · 02/03/2023 20:05

Her behaviour is normal but wiping her hands on your mums cream furniture isn’t on really either. My DC is just 3 but knows to wait until her hands and face are cleaned before getting down!

IMustDoMoreExercise · 02/03/2023 20:07

Can't you get her a little plastic table and chair and put a sheet under it at mealtimes.

Don't give her messy food at your mum's.

HelloBunny · 02/03/2023 20:09

My mum’s the same. Straight out with the hoover / wet cloth of a speck of food gets anywhere... Don’t give him food in the lounge then! You’d think her house was the Taj Mahal.

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/03/2023 20:12

She's 3, your mum is being ridiculous.

I'm in my 50's and could get an award for my dinner medals. No one has died because of this aberration.

EmmaDilemma5 · 02/03/2023 20:14

My four, nearly five year old, is an extremely messy eater. Always has been. She regularly spills milk at breakfast on her leggings. The table always needs a good wipe and her hands and face cleaned after every meal.

She doesn't mean to be messy, she's just learning and it's just how she is at this age.

Why are some people so fixated with what kids "should" and "shouldn't" be able to do?!

Pubesofsoberness · 02/03/2023 20:14

DownInTheDumpster · 02/03/2023 20:05

Her behaviour is normal but wiping her hands on your mums cream furniture isn’t on really either. My DC is just 3 but knows to wait until her hands and face are cleaned before getting down!

Where has op said she wipes her hands on her mums cream furniture, or any of her mums furniture for that matter