DM exasperated at how messy my three year old's eating is. Who is BU ?

[easygrowing]

For example she was eating a Nutella sandwich earlier and some of the Nutella got on the table. It was also all over her hands and face. I think a nutella sandwich isn't easy to eat for a three year old without making a bit of a mess.

In general she sometimes drops stuff from her fork onto herself while she's eating, but nothing major.

She also wipes her mouth with her sleeve sometimes, we are trying to remind her to use a napkin, which she does do. But my mum is constantly angry / shaking her head and telling her off it she forgets to use a napkin and uses her sleeve.

Sometimes her hands are dirty and she touches the chairs or whatever and my mum gets so angry with her for that too. We have all leather furniture for this exact reason because I think that kids don't understand and if you didn't wipe their hands, they don't always realise. If her hands are really dirty she often tells me so and wants to go and wash them. So she's not always terrible, but sometimes things get messy.

I'm not sure if I should expect more or my three year old ( just three ) or if my mum is super OTT. I'm trying to think of examples of how she's messy sometimes when she eats, but in general it's just dropping stuff on herself sometimes ( although she does wear a bib ). Sometimes stuff goes on the floor too or on the table.

Your 3-year old sounds normal.

I've three-year old twins. They have a little table and chairs to eat at. They wear a small bib, and I sometimes put a muslin across their knees, to stop food dropping on their trousers. They're generally quite tidy eaters, but of course sometimes they wipe their mouth with their sleeve. They now know not to wander off if they have sticky hands - they actually ask me to clean them so that they can go and play!
Your mum needs to back off and let them just enjoy eating.

One of my dc is a really messy eater and it is frustrating but I wouldn't put up with my mum getting cross with her about it.

Tell your mum to stay at home if normal life in your house bothers her so much.

I once knew a child (not my own) eat a yogurt and then wiped his mouth on my silk curtains. I admit I went ape shit! But food on hands/faces or a few crumbs that can be wiped off wouldn’t bother me. Don’t let your child leave the table before you say so though - bad manners.

“Don’t let your child leave the table before you say so though - bad manners.”

yes, and also something that some take longer than others to learn. You remind, reinforce, sometimes they forget and you aren’t right there to remind them before they get down because something is boiling over or the baby is crying or whatever - you remind them again . No big deal

This is very damaging for your little one op! I knew someone who had a flannel by her child at all times and the child ended up having a crying fit at the slightest bit of sticky on her hands even between mouthfuls. Or if out and about at the park got dirt on her hands.
It's going to make her anxious and stressed about something which should be an enjoyable experience. I'm afraid I'd have to be straight with your mother and say she has to remain silent about this issue or not be around your child at mealtimes.

She doesn't listen unfortunately. Just continues. It's tough. Then she plays the victim.

Unfortunately I know what you mean, I have a difficult mother too who loves to play the victim!! I'd try to avoid as much as possible then at meal times and play it down with your little girl....... 'silly granny....... A bit of mess isn't important' kind of thing. Soon clear that up😊 💐

I'm afraid you are going to have to work on your 'Mummy Look' OP! It means- no more- that's enough- this is the line.

I use it about twice a year on the kids- then they know that I mean stop. I had to use it on my own Mum on Christmas Day. It worked.

As some people have alluded to, she will pass on her issues to your toddler- you need to be firm and stop this.

My MIL, I'm quite sure, has an undiagnosed eating disorder. I've had to take very firm steps to protect my children from her views about food; especially as one is a teenager and she has enough of social media chipping away at her self-esteem without her own Gran doing the same.

Oh my goodness this is ridiculous. Your mum sounds similar to mine! When my boy started weaning I was so anxious of the mess so I cleaned him up after every bite and I feel it really hindered his learning. Now I sit back and let him enjoy his food and making a mess. He has just turned 3! We try and sit him down at his table to eat but sometimes he sits on thr settee and might drop bits. We obviously don't let him make unnecessary mess but equally he is learning. He gets his hands and face washed after every meal. You carry on as you are because you sure sound like your doing a great job. Ps my son loves Nutella and would eat it every meal if I let him. Who dosent love a chocolate butty in moderation obviously (before I get burned by MN)

Chocolate and hazelnut together is the greatest food paring there ever was.

I let my DD have it a few times a week on toast for breakfast. She loves it !

She has no business getting angry at your dd at your house unless, for example, she gets food on her clothes. All children are different, I have 4, one was super clean, one was super messy and two were in-between. I probably fell into the messy category myself. I would definitely insist she stayed at the table until you clean her up. Do you eat with her? It would be good to encourage family meals so she gets used to table etiquette. I don't agree with everything dd2 does with her ds but I'd never comment unless asked.

Mealtimes should be enjoyable and if they are not you should back off. Show by example not be constantly criticising. My youngest dd is 15 and still drops food off her plate onto the table. It drives me mad! I try and mention it no more than once a mealtime and ask her to clean up after herself. She also holds her spoon in a wierd way but I try and choose my battles. Never had these issues with my other 3!

I'm not sure if I should expect more or my three year old ( just three ) or if my mum is super OTT.

I'm not sure how you can stomach your mother becoming angry with your 3 year old child without reading her (mother) the riot act.

Next time your mother displays anger at your child, get pass-agg with it & make bright remarks to your child about how ridiculous grandma is being.
"Silly grandma's pulling a cross face again, I don't know why, they're not even her chairs & we always wipe them up easily don't we darling?"
"Oh Grandma's angry about a bit of food mess again, isn't she daft?!"

If that doesn't make her STFU, tell her to leave.
I'm not joking - this kind of disapproval, especially of something totally normal that DD can't yet help, is corrosive.

Jeeps - tell your Mum to butt out. It is absolutely wrong that she should shout at YOUR child and order her about, especially in your presence, when you are in control. If I were to do that, I would expect my DDs to tell me to go forth and multiply - and quite right too.

I think sleeve wiping and getting messy at the table is fine.

What is not fine is leaving the table with food on hands/clothes etc and then transferring that mess onto other furniture/carpet etc. That just makes a load of cleaning work and generally will contribute to household stuff being sticky/manky/marked.

If the child has food all over sleeves that's likely to be rubbed on the sofa or whatever, then a change of top is needed. If they have food on hands, wash them. It's gross to spread food over a house IMO. Shut the kitchen door to prevent her leaving before she's cleaned up.

Omg she's 3! She sounds completely normal and still learning. Your mum needs to stop meddling and you set her straight because she is going to make your dd very nervous about eating.

When my 6 year old eats, I shove an old teatowel down the front of her top! Just in case she spills anything and it goes on her clothes. I don't want the extra stain-removal.

I'm an adult, I still spill saucy things down me sometimes. Nothing wrong with using napkins at home, it's about not wanting extra laundry.

“Shut the kitchen door to prevent her leaving before she's cleaned up.”

I don't know how myself and my siblings grew up, brushing our teeth, washing hands, being relatively clean, good table manners without this over bearing constant talk about mess and dirt. I don't even recall being reprimanded once about it..

The whole cleaning thing has gone berserk in this country!
Carpets, special flooring we can't walk on and now toddlers learning to eat expected to behave like King Charles hosting dinner.

I would be extremely firm with her. * mum, you need to back off. Dd is learning so much whilst she's eating, it's a full on happy sensory experience for her and I will not allow you to ruin or curtail it.

I do know of a child never allowed pens at home and so curtailed by her mums issues she cried if dirt got on her or anything. It's not fair.

All your posts about the woman are appalling. Screaming at you, being ‘so angry’ at your child and her being allowed to tell your child off for absolutely nothing. Keep her away from your poor kid so she doesn’t damage the next generation, you need to step up and advocate for your child. Educate yourself on toxic relatives, and impose boundaries if you keep making this woman go in your kids home.

Hell I'm nearly 40 and often end up with a dinner badge.... Which is why I don't wear white

Kids need to be kids and a Nutella sandwich is worthy of the mess 😜