Teen bedtime battles AIBU?

[Wowsersreally]

Wise mumsnetters. Give me your thoughts.

My sun-thurs rule is phone downstairs by 9:30 to facilitate being in bed for 10

Every night my 15 year old pushes this which results in my nagging and her being rude and lippy and us both going to bed in a grump.

She gets up at 5.45 as she doesn’t like rushing and leaves for school at 7 . She’s quite anxious and I think needs a proper rest. She’s otherwise hardworking and responsible. She has always been high maintenance but does thrive on autonomy.

Who’s being unreasonable, what works in your homes?

YABU: let it drop, cut her some slack, she’s mature enough to decide her own hours.

YANBU: stick to your guns and be the parent. 15 year olds need boundaries - and sleep!

I agree. Things in moderation, rather than heavily restricted and controlled.

That would be my 15 year old in the 20% group..

my D’s has ADHD doesn’t know when he is tired so it’s phone in my room for 10.30
and he can go to sleep when he likes. If laptop or phone he doesn’t sleep. In fact when I had flu a couple of months ago. I fell asleep at 10.. next morning alarm went off . He was still on x box. I wish he had some insight. If your dc is gcse year I certainly wouldn’t be changing anything.

My Mum never set boundaries with me as a teen with bed. Cue horrendous sleep hygiene and a horrible insomnia problem. Yanbu

At 17 I was living away from home in 1st year in university!!

My 15 year DD would laugh if I said bed at 10. She goes to sleep at 11.30, I'd like her to go earlier but I pick my battles and I can't be arsed to argue with her. She's never late for school so I let her get on with it!

@Magenta82 same. "Sensible adults"..... 🤦🏻‍♀️ fyi - there's two magentas on this thread 😮 😆

I know! Seems bizarre to me that having a normal bedtime for the whole family is seen as somehow odd

Why does a 17 year old need a whole family bedtime? She’s old enough to leave home.

In her best interest 100% from your point of you

BUT YABVU

9:30pm no phone and bed at 10pm

Cut the cord OP. Let her have her phone and go to bed when she's ready she will either adapt or she'll learn she needs to go to bed earlier

My 17 year old would literally tell me to fuck off.

Mine would totally ignore me😂quite right too.

It would never have occurred to my children when they were 17 to talk to me (or anyone else) that way. I'm happy to have raised polite young people.

I think only you know her personality. I wouldn't have worked with my step son to just allow him to self-regulate - because he didn't. He'd just stay up all night playing games.

I have parental locks on my 14 YOs phones. It locks them at 9, but I often unlock for another couple of hours. They don't have a set bedtime, although I encourage them to go up about 10ish.

I do encourage self-regulation, but they are not good at it so far so I take the reins. When they start grumping I'll change it.

What do you mean by it doesn't work? You're the parent.

Would he possibly be done with studying and homework before 10:30/11 if he wasn't distracted by his phone?

@Anonymous48 good for you. My kids are also extremely polite, in the house and in the world. But if I'm being a dick they'll tell me so with a smile on their face, as I would to them.

Sanctimonious or what? You can still have polite children even if they swear.

Mine are 15 and 16. They are pretty good at managing it themselves. They learn that if they’ve gone to bed too late the night before then it’s miserable the next day 🤷🏼‍♀️

Mine are close in age and the older 2 (15 and 16) share a room, so for ease we've kept bedtimes the same time for all of them. Which means DD (13) has always had a later bedtime than DS1 did at the same age and DS1 still has a bedtime. Never had any push back on this though, so it's not a problem yet.

I've never taken their phones off them, as they use them for alarms. But if they were staying up late and struggling to wake up then I'd be suggesting they leave them downstairs.

We tend to start bedtime at 9:30 weeknights and all done teeth, in pyjamas and lights out by 10:30. It takes a while as they all like a bedtime chat and a hug! I am usually sat on my bed reading during this time and they all pile on and chat away (it's my favourite time of day!). Weekends around 30 mins later.

After lights off, DD gets to sleep fairly well and the older 2 may well chat in bed and scroll their phones (a few months ago they listened to an audio book together for a week!) but as long as they're in their rooms and not being noisy, I don't mind. I don't tell them to get to sleep, they're old enough to manage that themselves.

It would be very different if we had bigger age gaps and they all had their own rooms.

My dd 14 yo self regulates. She has her phone with her and has occasionally been on it far too late. Then natural consequences come into play. Ie she’s tired the next day. She gets up on time, does all of her homework so I leave her to it. She’s pretty sensible.

If this is your only battle at 15 i would say it is up to them

As long as you're ok with that.

I never said they don't swear. What they don't do is tell someone (especially someone who they love and respect) to fuck off.

@Anonymous48 very comfortable and ok with it all all thanks.

Glad we're both happy!

Ok so posters object to my use of the phrase "sensible adult" having a bed time at 10-11pm.

I mean OBVIOUSLY there are exceptions with work patterns, evening shifts etc etc, but there isn't that much variation in the timetable of the average 15-17yo. To be at school by 8-8.30, they need to be up by 7am. So I'm talking about a routine that gives them 8-9hours sleep. Doesn't seem excessive 🤷‍♀️ not sure why it's getting so much eye rolling. I don't think teenagers staying up late on their phones and then struggling to get up for school, or being chronically sleep deprived is anything to aspire to.

We did curfews for the eldest which led to battles over silly things and also every birthday was 'I'm older what time is my new bedtime?!'

With the second, now 14 there is no bedtime. But also there are no phones or screens upstairs anymore (big age gap).
So she doesn't have a bedtime but she does have a time to go upstairs. Usually around 9pm. She can paint her nails (with the window open), face masks. read, do crafts but she takes a drink up and doesn't come back down. Tbh she usually reads.

Number 3 is 9 goes up at 8.00 (has to get up earliest for school) has a quick bath/ shower then story followed by her own reading for 20mins. We are usually back down by 8.30.

Out of all of them number 2 has been most successful. Wish we had done the no screens rule upstairs with number 1.

I know it is hard to limit screens but we both work in child focussed or protection jobs and so many parents don't know what their children have been doing. It's horrific when it happens due to socials.