How the fuck do you improve attendance

[Merryoldgoat]

I’ve had the delightful LA attendance officer letting me know my son’s attendance is 85%.

I KNOW. I’m the one looking after him.

How am I supposed to stop him getting ill? I’d love to know.

I’m just sick of it. We’re juggling two autistic children, a full time job and I get this officious letter implying I’m keeping him off under false pretences.

It’s such a stupid blunt instrument.

I’m angry and tired and just sick of it.

I have no AIBU. It’s just the rant of an exhausted parent. DH is also exhausted in case anyone is wondering.

Nothing. You do nothing. Don't waste your precious time collecting "evidence" he's actually sick. You're his parent. Not the school. If you decide he's too ill for school, then that's it. If some parents take the piss, that's on them and the school to sort out. Nothing to do with you. Stop stressing about it. You're not answerable to a school.

Just to add schools are getting pressure from above . My D’s’s school recently had Ofsted. The recommendations including comments on attendance. So schools are under pressure. My D’s has been sent home about 4 times this year

I’ve had the same issue…my 8 year old was sick sooo often the first few school months, and it was not just sniffles but high fevers, weakness etc. It was horrible to deal with. I took her to the GP and they had bloods done to check if there was an underlying reason. Apart from low vit D level’s everything was fine thankfully. She’s been much better recently but I got an attendance letter from school too after she was absent a good few times and I sent them an email explaining my situation but they said not to worry about it…it’s just a formality and they completely understand that I can’t send her in if she’s unwell. So I wouldn’t worry too much about the letter. Perhaps discuss your concerns with a GP to rule out any underlying health issues. I was so relieved I did!

@cornflakegeneration

Well if that’s the case you wouldn’t get your knickers in a twist over it would you? You would accept your child was off for genuine reasons and see the letter for what it is. A standard one they would send out to all, in which case the likelihood is your child’s attendance would improve after a period of bad luck.

The reality is there are many, many parents who keep their kids off for sniffles, mild head aches and general malaise. Since covid this type of parent has increased exponentially.

I feel for you OP. Even if it is a standard genetic letter you can feel frustrated as though it’s directed at you.
My daughter was getting frequent migraines; we were recommended to go opticians. Prescribed really mild prescription. Helped a little but started again so more time off. Then she literally struggled to get out of bed. She is not the type of child to skive. She literally cried some mornings as she had no energy to even sit up. School moaned at her for arriving late and threatened her with a report card for it. School made it out i was doing nothing and letting her sleep in. I was on one hand furious at them but on the other felt I was being a bad parent.
We went the doctors to find she was anemic and had a high vitamin d deficiency and this was the cause.

All i can say is make sure you have a paper trail. You’re not the first person to feel like this and you won’t be the last.

What is your source for this information?

I know of not one person that would keep their child off with a sniffle or "malaise".

@Honeypig

Worth getting a referral for persistent migraine. You’re protected as it can be classed as a disability.

@cornflakegeneration

Most kids don’t need 6 weeks off school even if they’ve been particularly unlucky with Illness. That is what 85 percent is. Do you not think there are kids who have days off for incredibly minor things? Wow, love your optimism.

Thanks for the suggestion.
We’ve had a referral and tests came back as anemic and the vit d. She’s on megadoses of them to get back up to normal levels. This seems to be helping but due back in about 3 weeks for a progress check.

So basically it's just your opinion then, you don't actually have an evidence for this?

Parents do not want their kids hanging around at home unless absolutely necessary 😊

@cornflakegeneration

it isn’t an opinion I’ve worked in pastoral roles for donkeys. Yes there are parents who don’t give a shiny shite if little Johnny wants another day off for a cold. They don’t usually like saying no. Goodness you’re very naive.

@cornflakegeneration having worked in child protection, I can assure you that there indeed are parents who have no issue keeping their child off school for no, or very little reason. I've known parents do it because they like the company or to help with younger siblings or a family business, or because the child is a young carer, or because they have mental health issues and don't want to get out of bed themselves, to name just a few.

You don't know which parents are genuine and which parents aren't coping until you look into things. Nobody walks around with "good parent" or "incapable parent" or "don't give a shit about education" tattooed on their forehead.

You need to challenge that - quote the DfE attendance guidance, which says this usually will NOT be required.

@cornflakegeneration

Where is your evidence that parents only
keep their kids off when absolutely necessary? (And let’s not forget we can dispute what is absolutely necessary).
Good luck with that, oh yeah it’s just your opinion really isn’t it?

Read the post. This isn’t a mother who wants to keep her child at home, this is a child who gets sick a lot. For goodness sake, get off your high horse and have some compassion.

@Merryoldgoat - total sympathy, if my DC was old enough for school, we’d have one of those letters every term. It’s crap enough dealing with it without feeling people are against you.

I think a lot of illnesses at the moment are because children have had time at home due to covid and now they’re being exposed to everyone else and some suffer a lot more than others.
85% is not horrendous - at this time of year it doesn’t take that many absences to lower the percentage.
Some schools have to send a letter, it’s their policy. Personally, I would just ignore it! Are all of the absences authorised by the school or do they mark them as unauthorised?

IMO as a parent of two children that have had regular sick days during this school year it’s not needed for another person on here to be questioning their child’s absences.

We all make the best decisions for our families.

there are children who’s parents may not be bothered if they are off school and that is what the system is set up for.

to me, the OP just needs a some reassurance and solidarity from parents in the same boat.

instead of making people feel bad, why can’t we just offer support or not bother commenting at all ?

My daughter has ASD & has also recently been diagnosed with hypermobility after an injury in school a year ago, which has led to Dr, hospital & physio appointments. Her attendance has dropped dramatically due to her pain levels, which then clash with her ASD intolerances, which lead to her becoming over-whelmed. Now, she's in year 11, literally months away from her exams, which she has been stressing about since last year, but they've now said that she HAS to go in every day, even when ill. So, it started this week & she got sent home the first 2 days due to meltdowns. I'm now trying to get her in at Drs & also waiting for an email from 1 autism support place locally & a call back from another to advise where we stand & what support we can get. The school have received written proof regarding the new diagnosis & related pain, so are very aware of what's been going on etc. This is the same school I pulled my younger daughter from due to bullying that they refused to deal with. If my eldest didn't literally have just months left, I would have pulled her out too. I don't know what to advise hun, but you're not alone xx

The way they hound parents in England is bloody ridiculous!! Up here the school would have a conversation with you to see if they can help, and we don't get fined for keeping kids off school

At least they care…my stepdaughter is at roughly 60% now! (Not our choice, and it’s outrageous)…and only this term have they taken notice.

It isn’t personal, and at least you seem to care! Spring will be better.

When he’s shitting himself too?

It's nearly six weeks per school year. That's almost an entire half term.

@Merryoldgoat

What shitting himself for half a term?

My child was in and out of hospital and under care of the neurological team at the hospital. All documented. We still got the attendance letters and threatening not to let her take her A levels because her attendance was below par.

@Misslings

you said I need to send him unless he has a fever. Is that when he’s constantly got diarrhoea?

He’s had 10 days off across 3 bouts of illness, two of which I sent him in with and he was promptly sent home.

Your lack of comprehension/intelligence/compassion isn’t my problem to solve.