How the fuck do you improve attendance

[Merryoldgoat]

I’ve had the delightful LA attendance officer letting me know my son’s attendance is 85%.

I KNOW. I’m the one looking after him.

How am I supposed to stop him getting ill? I’d love to know.

I’m just sick of it. We’re juggling two autistic children, a full time job and I get this officious letter implying I’m keeping him off under false pretences.

It’s such a stupid blunt instrument.

I’m angry and tired and just sick of it.

I have no AIBU. It’s just the rant of an exhausted parent. DH is also exhausted in case anyone is wondering.

I was really lucky that when we got this letter is was made abundantly clear that it was a formality that they were obliged to do as we'd dropped under a certain %.

We were offered help such as use of the school nurse who could be seen more quickly and for much longer than at the GP or their surgery nurse.

It's such a vicious cycle because there is such pressure to send sick kids in for the attendance record, but every sick kid in school can pass it on to numerous others. Great stuff for the immune system perhaps, but i don't see how the end result is less absence overall.

I am sorry but how do you define well enough to go to school from not? I know many parents who send their children in with 38 fever because after calpol it drops and kids are according to those parents 'jumping around the house'. So they are being sent off to school their attendance remains high because their parents don't consider it sick. My ds's best friend would get a horrific cough with every single illness and since its 'just a cough' his mum would always send him to school. My child however gets high fevers with sickness and barely ever coughs at all. Even with pneumonia it was a fever and not so much of a cough for him. So for his immune system it would be normal to run a fever for 7 days and I would never send him in as he would be miserable hence missed days at school. There is no problem with his health it's just how it is for some children and not others. Your definition of being well enough to go to school might be different from the truth.

Right, so what happens if your child has, let's say, 80% attendance, but you have dr's note for most of them? Does it somehow affect the child's school record/prospects for getting into a good secondary school?

I'm completely clueless as my DS is only at nursery at the moment, but since he started two months ago he's been sick pretty much every week. Reading this I'm now dreading the time when he has to go to school...

When I was at school (not in the UK) it was completely normal to be off for a week/two weeks at a time. I don't remember anyone being off for just one/two days unless for a one-off medical visit/reason. Either you were sick and had to have a good few days to properly recover or you weren't. There wasn't this middle ground I'm seeing here that you're "sick but not sick enough to be off school".

In my days as long as you had dr's note and managed catch up on all the work that was done during your absence then it was fine. In the end, the most important thing was to make sure that your education didn't suffer so if you were able to catch up at home with classmates' notes, nobody bothered you or the parents.

Completely feel your annoyance! I too have yr 8 DS on spectrum and other SEN. Received the same later and also felt exactly the same as you!
The letter isn’t personal and is sent out to everyone regardless of whether genuine illness or sciving . What is really frustrating is that we know they have missed so many days from school and care but the letter is aimed at those that don’t and they will not care!

File the letter and just carry on - I bet you are doing a great job. Looking after SEN children is hard anyway and schools are germageddon right now!

(for us staff too - no not striking btw!)

Oh Christ! I’ve been at a course and the dentist and there are way more replies than I expected!

I haven’t had a chance to see if there are specific questions but a few points:

1. This is the LA and not the school. The school and I have a generally good relationship and I’m very engaged. There is no suggestion from the school that the absences are concerning and not due to illness.
2. The lack of nuance is what I can’t bear. How likely is it an involved, visible and engaged parent who reports every absence, whose child is at school regularly except for three significant bouts of illness is facilitating truancy.
3. The term he was unwell was so significantly affected by sickness that the school sent a letter asking us to keep sick children home because staffing levels were impacted.
4. He is autistic, and we have worked extensively with school to get him the right provision and he’s got zero issues with refusing to go even though he doesn’t like it.
5. They are saying future absences need confirmation from a GP. It’s perfectly possible to be too unwell for school and not need a doctor and it’s a disgraceful waste of resources - the receptionist would tell me to get lost if I called because he had a heavy cold with a fever!

Why is there not a proper discussion about this stuff? When you have the list why isn’t there a conversation with the head which is ‘which of these are YOU concerned about?’ Given they know their school and the pupils?

Instead of combative letters designed to intimidate.

I’m sick to the back teeth of bollocks like this.

I went to school in the uk in the 80s and that was normal here too. I remember being off two weeks with chicken pox, 4 days with a sick bug etc. Sid not go back to school until we felt 100%. There was no calpol back then so that likely made a difference. I am also convinced that the majority of parents nowadays do not follow the 48 hour rule for sickness/diarrhoea.
I've got a friend who will send their child in even if they've been up all night vomiting.

@AmandaJonah

The vomiting bugs are tearing through the school. And people are sending kids in unwell because of letters like this.

My hygiene is fine you facetious twit.

Mine are at 86 and 82% if it makes you feel any better op! I am not in the UK. Here school have to notify after 20 days absence, if appropriate reasons are given everything is fine.

'Why is there not a proper discussion about this stuff? When you have the list why isn’t there a conversation with the head which is ‘which of these are YOU concerned about?’ Given they know their school and the pupils?

Instead of combative letters designed to intimidate.

I’m sick to the back teeth of bollocks like this.'

Well said.

I had recurring tonsillitis as a child, my sister had recurring ear infections. No underlying illness.

I had my tonsils out eventually, not that it helped much as two years later I caught glandular fever and ended up with ME.

Please can I also thank all of the very kind and supportive posts on here. I’m doing the best I can in such hard conditions.

I dread them being ill. The stress is unbearable.

I’ve broken down in my bosses office, thought about giving up work. All sorts.

I’ve git home after a long morning and my cleaner has been and I’ve burst into tears. I need to sort myself out before my next appointment (funnily enough at school) for my younger son.

It will be so nice next year when he’s of compulsory school age and I have this shit with two of them.

💐 I’m sorry you’re feeling so shit op.

For those who are incredulous about this kind of attendance… dd has had Covid, strep and d&v since the start of the school year. It’s really not that difficult to see how the absences can add up!

I absolutely feel you.
My eldest 5yo DS had autism and has an EHCP.
They send him home regularly, he struggles to poo anywhere other than home, when he tries to hold it in at school it leaks out slightly.
They send him home for this (we do send in a change of pants and trousers) but then say as it an episode of D&V due to leaky stool he has to stay off for 48 hours. So with each leaky poo he's off for 2 and a half days in total.

I'm sure the letter is just sent automatically at the end of terms, but I don't know what they think I can do. And having a quite threatening letter come through isn't fun. I WANT him to be at school, his disability already means he's behind. He already struggles with friendships, I don't want him to miss out anymore than he already does.

He was off last week for the school break, then this Monday for an inset day, he went in on Tuesday and was send home again due to a leaky poo. Its so frustrating.
I wish his low attendance was because we was doing something fun, not due to his disability.

The term he was unwell was so significantly affected by sickness that the school sent a letter asking us to keep sick children home because staffing levels were impacted.

This is another thing that gets me. We've had similar. Emails pleading with parents to keep sick children home. "If your child is too ill to play outside they are too ill to attend school."

Few weeks/months later:
Letters sent out re attendance - parents please consider if your child really needs to be off. 🤷🏼‍♀️

You might have legitimate reasons for his attendance being 85% but that won't be the case for all parents. My DSSs attendance last year was around 75% and not due to illness but due to his mum not bothering to get him up and out to school sometimes. It gives those parents the boot up the arse they need. Or at least should do.

@Laurdo

How will a letter to me change parents like those?

That is my thought exactly!

@Laurdo sadly those parents won’t care. Those of us with these percentages end up in tears and asking others for help/moral support.

Stand strong OP and others - we are doing our best and I am hoping that there may be some attendance improvement over the next year or so when immune systems will be fighting fit!

Thank you @slightlyslumamama

💐

@AmandaJonah I can say with certainty my kitchen and home is cleaner than the school is. And I know this because I run a business from my kitchen, and my hygiene inspection was the highest and the inspector told me he was impressed with my food handling practices!!
The school kitchen only scored 4. I'm a 5*
Also you ever heard of Ibs or Ibd, pretty common, ibs runs in my family and can cause periods of illness, nothing we can do about it.
It can be mistaken as bugs, but ibs is very common. Unfortunately there are many horrible illnesses in my family that can cause reoccurring illness and requiring lots of medical appointments.
My mom was hounded back in the 80s and 90s about my attendance.
And I was hounded about both my daughters attendance, they had the same condition and now it appears more is coming up.
It's not helpful. It only added to the stress for me and my children. Instead of sending generic letters making awful threats, maybe try actually talking to parents and listening to the reasons why, they make too many assumptions.
I ended up removing mine from school, which resulted in much happier, less stressed kids and parents. Both girls are doing well, eldest is full time in work, on a pretty decent wage, doing a level 3 business apprenticeship through the company. Has the ability and opportunity to work from home if she is having an attack, this works for her. She tends to go into the office 2/3 times a week.
I'm very proud of them and shows that lack of attendance doesn't mean they can not achieve. Support and someone believing in them is more important.

@Merryoldgoat I had this recently, ignored the letter and then after a further 3 days' absence (due to vomiting) the LA referred us to family early help and we had to go in and meet them in the school. It was massive faff and like you I was angry at the request for providing proof for any absence due to illness. My DC is on the assessment pathway for ASD and 3/10 absences were likely anxiety-related, but the other 7 were all due to vomiting and the 48h policy. If it weren't for the policy, my DC's absences would have been halved!

I met with the school to discuss, and we now have special dispensation to ignore the 48h rule if the vomiting is clearly not viral (my DC throws up randomly, possibly due to anxiety, so isn't infectious on those occasions).

I'd recommend a) making a list of all the absences this year so far and the reasons for them, b) asking for a record from the school to check this matches yours, and c) speaking to the school directly with your concerns to ask for their recommendations moving forward e.g. what 'proof' do they require (since getting a GP appt isn't usually that easy or practical, and personally I think a waste of NHS resources if it's clearly just a 24h bug or a virus). I didn't realise that after the initial letter about attendance being less than 85%, all absences after that point were considered 'unauthorised', it was only once I had a copy of the record from school that I was able to see this.

@Familyiness I am sorry to hear your family have issues with IBS. It is an ongoing condition so very different from someone having lots of one off illnesses. Although like a lot of chronic illnesses it can be managed.

@cornflakegeneration How bizarre that it has changed so much!

So does low attendance have then impact on your child's prospects for secondary school choices?

Not sure about private or grammar but it shouldn't affect comprehensive

not much you can do apart from making sure you get the basics right:

• nutrition (consider a multivitamin supplement if fussy)
• sleep
• exercise (at least one hour a day, preferably outside in daylight)

if you travel on public transport consider wearing a mask.

all the best. hopefully it's just a phase and his health improves soon.

aha! The under 85% attendance rule - had no idea either! This may explain some of the “unauthorised” absences on my letter for DS - i was sure I had called/emailed about them all!
🤦‍♀️ anyway have more important things to worry about liaising directly with school about IEP and keeping up CAMHS appointments!
if they want me they can come and ask the questions themselves!